sorry for the absence

I've been too tired to bother with the computer after I've spent all day on it at work and after I have made dinner and supervised Wilson. Wilson is a very serious pup and I love him for that, but I'm not sure that he is as smart as Daphne. She was quickly potty trained and knows more tricks that any other non-show-dog that I've met since we've owned her. Yes, she's crazy when she meets new people, but at least she obeys in every other instance. Wilson, however, is a sweetie and isn't very hyper, but he still pees on the floor and chews random things and therefore must be constantly monitered.

I'm only going to type one more thing and it's for the ladies:
I just finished a book about makeup and skincare that my mother-in-law found for me at a thrift store (I had mentioned that I wanted to read it) so it was, of course outdated, by 10 years. However, the information on skincare was revoluntionary to me. I've been to various dermatologists since I was 13 and I have never made a significant impact on my acne. Taking antibotics worked for a good while to lessen the problem, but it renders oral contraceptives ineffective, and since I can't convince Andy to let me have children, I can't use those pills. Anyway. I spent a lot of money (and you know how I don't like to spend money on anything but food and clearance Pottery Barn items) on skincare products trying to find something that worked. Well, after 12 years of that I've realized nothing will cure my acne (except perhaps Accutane and that's not an option right now) and most things will hardly manage it. So why use products, who promise to "zap" my zits, that irritate my skin, which causes more acne? Well, I'm not doing that anylonger. Here's what the book's author suggested and what I'm doing -- I promise you it is an excellent alternative and it is CHEAP!
Every night (I should do it in the morning too, but I'm too sleepy) I scrub my face and neck (b/c I break out there too) with 2 tsp of baking soda mixed with 2 tsps Cetaphil face wash (the store brand, Equate, is only $3 a bottle, while the Cetaphil is $9). I mix these in my palm. I rinse well b/c baking soda sometimes collects behind my ears or in my hairline. Then I use a gentle astringent (no alcohol) and wait a few mintues. Then with a cotton ball I apply hydorgen peroxide, which is CHEAP and a very effective disinfectant and it also bleaches your blackheads, which makes them less obvious. Benzoyl peroxide is what most acne products use to disinfect, but it makes my skin peel, which causes more acne -- and it isn't nearly as cheap as the hydrogen peroxide. You pay what - at least $3, more like $5, for a small bottle of it when you can buy a huge (and I mean huge) bottle of 3% hydrogen peroxide for less than a dollar. It works and it is fantastically frugal. In the summer, when my skin is oilier, I'll also use a mask of Milk of Magnesia, which is a disinfectant and absorbs oil, instead of spending money on a face mask that overly dries and is more expensive.

My skin isn't irritated at all, it is very smooth, it isn't dried out from the products I use, and my acne is slightly lessened b/c I don't have the extra acne caused by the irritation and flaky skin. And I'm not spending money on scrubs, lotions, acne creams, or fancy face washes. The author also suggests using Rentin-A if you have a perscription and if your skin can handle it (mine couldn't--it was too strong of a perscription; I might try a lesser concentration of it) or something with a high percentage of alpha hydroxy acids, say at least 8%. When I find a good product I'll let you know.

I no longer use anything with the following:
alcohol, camphor, salicylic acid, methol, clove oil, witch hazel, eucalyptus oil, lanolin oil, really any unnecessary oils, benzoyl peroxide, sodium tallowate (causes blackheads), salt (yes there is salt in some of the skin products available), any preservatives, any peeling agents, any waxes or thickeners, formaldehyde, beeswax, and now my list is getting too long. I also try to stay away from detergents and fragrances b/c they can be irritating and they are unnecessary.

Well, now that I've preached to you, I hope you'll at least try it. Really, why not try something that is easier on your skin and costs less? The object for good skin care is to take care of it, not irritate it. And you can't remove more layers of skin (why would you want to?) by scrubbing harder or using more intensive scrubs or peels. The top dead layer of skin is all you should remove and the baking soda and Cetaphil mix does just that.

Welcoming Wilson

We now have another pup, Wilson, who is 8 weeks old. I'll post more about him soon.

my letter to you

I am mailing this letter to many of you, but I'm posting it for those who aren't getting a letter (I ran out of envelopes and flyers!).

Hello friends and family:

I hope that you and your families are doing well. Andy and I are enjoying Stillwater very much, although we do miss our biological families and our spiritual family in Russellville. We’re working toward being an integral part of a local church body. For us, being the “new” people is extremely uncomfortable. I may seem bold to some of you but it is only me overcompensating for my shyness. I don’t want to be shy; I want to reach out to people in order to love them. Not only am I actively trying to reach (out of myself) out to people in Stillwater, I am also planning to love others through a short-term mission trip.

If I could choose a place to minister to others, outside of the town God has placed me in, I would choose Africa. That’s why when my sister, Audrey, asked me if I would serve there I instantly and wholeheartedly agreed. I believe God has been shaping me for this trip. I’ve never been on a missions trip and I have (through Geography classes, through literature, and through those wonderful educational television programs) felt a longing to do something for the hurting people in Africa. I didn’t know what I could do – nothing seems like enough. But, God placed in me an intense love for children (for playing games with them, for affirming them, for talking with them, and for picking them up to give them hugs) and I believe that loving the group of children that God assigns to me will have a lasting and beneficial impact.

The organization I am going with is Family Legacy Missions International and I am planning to serve for two weeks this July at a camp designed solely for Zambian orphans. Most of these children have lost their families to AIDS. You may be familiar with the dire situations in Africa, but I would like to give detailed information for you about the area in which I’ll be working. Eighty percent of the population in Zambia live on less than one dollar a day. Zambia has the eleventh highest death rate and the seventh highest AIDS infection rate in the world. Over one million children are orphans; fifty percent of the country is under the age of sixteen and fifty percent of the children are so malnourished that their growth has been stunted. If an orphan does not have older siblings, grandparents, or other family members to take care of them (which would be difficult with the rampant poverty) they are likely to be lost to the streets.
I shared this information with you so that you could see the intensely stressful conditions that these children live with and so you could see how much they need someone to give them love and hope. You can also see how much I’ll need, and the children I’ll be ministering to will need, your prayers. With the Holy Spirit, I hope to love them with God’s deep love, not simply with my own pity for their position and my affection for small children. I also hope to give them God’s peace and the hope I have in heaven and in knowing that this life’s struggles are temporary.

I’m sure you can tell where this letter is going. I’m going to ask you for something now. First I’m asking for prayer. I need prayer for the children as I explained above. Also, I need prayer for safety, for enthusiasm, and for God to work through me here in Stillwater in preparation and when I’m in Zambia. I want to make the most of my time there and I need help to know how to serve the children who do not know English or who are only beginning to learn it. I also need help with the trip costs and with other non-monetary donations. Please do not feel obligated to send me money — God will make sure that the funds will be raised if He wants me to go to Africa.

I am hoping to raise $4,000, which will pay for my airfare and accommodations and will pay for fifty children to attend the camp. If you want to contribute financially, please mail a check to Family Legacy Missions International, 5005 West Royal Lane, Suite 252, Irving, TX 75063, and write my name in the memo line. If you would like to donate something else, there is a list attached of common items (many of which I’ve collected from my own home) that the Mission sends to Zambia. You can either collect the donations and I’ll pick them up or you can mail them to the address on the donation list. I will be making a trip to Russellville, probably in the late spring, so if you would like to help I’m taking several suitcases hopefully stuffed full of needed items.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Know that in receiving this letter I count you as my friend. Please, let me know how I may serve you.

"I can't afford to pay for most of what I say..." Derek Webb on "Mockingbird"

I'm experiencing something different lately. I'm not in school. That's strange. I've only had one summer off from school since 2000 and that was the summer I was married, 2003.
I took a short break from reading fiction.
I've been thinking a lot more about who I am and I'm feeling empty but also closer to God. My closeness or intimacy with God never changes for Him, but I'm prone to retreating into myself. I'm a little secretive and that isn't healthy sometimes.

I'm enjoying my job still. I'm learning more about the people I work with (as Andy said they are a motley crew) and realizing that I like people more the more I get to know them. This reassures me because most of the time I feel as if I'm alien to all other people besides perhaps Andy and Audrey (and not even them all the time, of course). I'm feeling very thankful for the people in my life. For the family who truly love me and the people who befriend me. For the people who God has placed in my path at each new home Andy takes me to.

I hope everyone is blessed with someone (a brother, a sister, a niece, a spouse) who loves them and supports them. If you're reading this and you don't have anyone, I'll be your friend. I don't have too many anyway. If you're reading this and you don't have anyone to call when you're upset, call me. I'm being mushy. I'll stop now.

Daphne is over her hives. We're a little perplexed about the whole ordeal, but we're also just glad they are gone.

sleepy sunday

We visited Grace Stillwater Church again and I think we'll probably attend it. (We almost missed it because we slept so late, and then this afternoon we had a nap -- I can't believe we slept so much.) We went to a pot-luck lunch and we were both very nervous, but we leached ourselves to an older couple who were nice enough to eat with us. We felt awkward but we still really enjoy the format of the service. I was able to worship this morning during the music and I haven't genuinely done that in awhile. I've been thinking a lot about my letter for requesting prayer and donations for my trip to Africa. So know when you receive it, that I spent a lot of time in thought.

I'm enjoying my job. I realized Friday as I walked to my car that I enjoy it so much because it differs so much from my previous employment. It is not vague in any way. The procedures are mandated by federal law and there is a word document describing in detail every step of every process I have to perform. And if I have a question, I ask Matt, my supervisor, who is a nice guy and an active Christian and a reader and a tea drinker and a peppermint patty eater. Soon he'll be able to stop training me, I hope, so I can sit in my little cubicle. Something strange I notice is that no one (and I mean no one) checks their email, shops on eBay, or talks on their cell phone in the office. And they work promptly at eight all the way until five. They are all punctual from breaks and lunches. It is amazing. I feel productive just standing next to these robots. And I'm pleased when I perform to their standards and I enjoy the lack of laxness -- probably only because I had too much of it in my previous position. So yeah, I like it. Now my tutoring... I don't like it as much. I would like to quit but I can't because I need the reference and I don't know if they have anyone to take over my students. So I'll stay and hope that the students actually do their homework before they come to me.

Daphne has been a little sick lately. She had an allergic reaction to something (probably a plant in the yard she's been chomping on) but we didn't know that the bumps all over her were hives so we took her to the vet and spent a little fortune. But, as I told Andy, at least we now know what hives look like and we can just give her an anti-histamine (s/p?) in the future. So, I better go home and make sure she's not vomiting anylonger. Gross, I know.

new news and fun game

Andy sent me this website; it's a bird quiz.
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/AllAboutBirds/birding123/identify/allaboutbirds_quiz

And I finally got a full-time job. I'll be working in the financial aid department at OSU, which is good because I get a free gym and free insurance and hopefully there will be a few classes that I'll want to take -- for free. Thank you for your prayers!

Correction: I can't take classes for free, I assumed they would be at OSU since they were at TECH. But I suppose the school is too large to support the entire staff in that way. I get a discount though and that is a blessing.

The best Onion article ever

I've posted this on Myspace, but I wanted to share it with you who don't waste your time on Myspace.

Girl Moved To Tears By Of Mice And Men Cliffs Notes

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—A visibly shaken Grace Weaver said she never wanted the synopsis to end.

church-shopping and misc.

Today we visited a PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) church called Grace Stillwater. http://www.gracestillwater.org/shell.php?content=home
Andy and I were impressed with the authenticity of the service. The layout of the service, especially the confession of sins part, was enjoyable because it was very planned and structured. If you know Andy and me, than you know that we prefer a worship time that is not focused on how we feel. I believe you should bring your burdens and joys to worship, but the service itself should be structured and more focused on truths than emotions. I enjoyed the confessions of sins part because it seems to me that this is a vital part of worship, a part that is often forgotten, and it gets forgetful people like me in the habit of confessing. So, if I confess each week at worship, I'm more likely to confess during the week. As I become more comfortable with coming to the Lord in confession, I'll hopefully confess directly after sinning, which would be an active part in obtaining purity, which is something this PCA church attempts to accomplish. We're going to return next week and see what we think. We don't like to church-shop, but we want to make sure this church is a good fit for us.

I had an interview Friday. I'm not sure if I'll be offered the position or if I should take it. I need some direction.

I've been cooking up a storm since I've been unemployed. I finally made fried catfish correctly and it was wonderful! This was my third attempt at catfish (once fried in a pan, once deep fried) and this time I bought fresh rather than frozen and I soaked it in leftover buttermilk that I wanted to get rid of. It was very good, but my tartar sauce was gross. But tartar sauce is gross anyway, so I'm really not a judge.

Andy and I are watching the "Band of Brothers" series. He's asked me to watch them for several years and I was tired of him asking. I like (not really a good word for this emotion, perhaps I'm simply interested) but do not enjoy war movies -- especially documentary ones. I don't like remembering what people are capable of and what people have suffered. But, it is an excellent video series and I do recommend it. I wouldn't purchase it or anything, b/c I don't see why you'd want to watch it more than once.
We recently went to see "Children of Men," which I also highly recommend. It was filmed well because it set the tone of the movie so well and because the background (rather than only the foreground) was interesting. Andy and I noted several times during the movie that our attention was on the background and the progression of the scenes. It was easier to watch (even though it is more violent that "Band of Brothers") because it is fiction and only raises the issues of human depravity and extreme heroism rather than showing true examples of it. The is worth watching because it helped me remember (as do the B of B) that things like this (meaning the events in the movie) have happened, are happening, and will happen. This is a beneficial emotion because it makes me want to help those who hurt or need and because it reminds me to value all human life and all of God's creations. And I'm thankful that I'm not living in the midst of war. War is going on though. And we shouldn't forget it or harden ourselves against it.

a few things

Andy's birthday went well. I made him a Boston creme pie, which was interesting, but delicious and we had dinner with his family in Tulsa Sunday night.

I have a job! It's only part-time, but it's something to do! I'm tutoring OSU athletes in English, which will be interesting. I have seven students: one ESL student, one English major, and one who is labeled as "low-functioning." I shouldn't really talk to you about them (b/c of NCAA rules), but I wanted to give you an idea of the varied work I'll be doing.
I still need another job, so please keep praying for me.

And since some of you didn't know, or still don't know, I am going to Zambia for two weeks this summer to work (play games, give hugs, and share the Good News) at a camp for Zambian orphans. I'll probably be sending you a letter asking for money, prayer, or non-monetary donations. Don't feel obligated, please.

We're getting a new computer and then Internet at home so my blogging will be more frequent. Andy said that he'll pick out a home video for me to post soon.
I hope everyone is doing well!

still sitting

Here's the quote from "A Widow for One Year" that I said I would post: "'I can't see where I'm going, Daddy,' Ruth told him again. 'But that's the test, Ruthie. The test is, sometimes there's no place to pull over--sometimes you can't stop, and you have to find a way to keep going. You got it?'"

Well, I still don't have a job, but I've decided to pursue a few little craft things around our home so at least I'll be occupied. I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety about what God is going to provide this time and when He's going to do it. I didn't like my last job, as you know, but it was what Andy and I needed at the time. I hope what we need now isn't another job like that. We're going to visit a local church this Sunday so I hope we'll fit in there.


I accidentally dyed my hair almost-black. Andy was a little frightened, but it has lightened up a bit and it looks pretty good.

My sister and her boyfriend visited us this weekend and I couldn't sleep because of the excitement of being around another human being! It was funny and pathetic. We played Balderdash a lot. I can't believe we found a couple who will play that game with us (all other attempts have failed). Also, my grandparents drive cars for dealerships and they took one to Oklahoma City so I drove there and met them for lunch -- it was a blast. It makes me a little sad because I spent so much time with them in my most difficult years and I know I need them so much still. I miss them and I'm grateful for that bit of happiness in my day. Oh, I also went to Super Target. Woah!

Weird: People are allowed to talk loudly and eat and drink in the OSU library. It's freaking and grossing me out. How's that for a double split phrasal verb? Seriously, there's a guy next to me loudly enjoying his pastry. Over the keyboard. Crumbs are falling from his mouth. Ew.

The Ant King

Andy and I went to see E. O. Wilson (said to be our generation's Darwin and he's a double Pulitzer prize winner) speak. It was an honor to hear him and I enjoyed it. I thought he was going to speak in detail about his research with ants, but instead he promoted his new book, which Andy and I are about to read. It's about our ethical or moral obligation to be good stewards of the Earth, which means funding conservation efforts and promoting a more "green" lifestyle (I'm all for it). We'll give our comments on the book soon. I'm sure it will be worth the read. It's even more interesting because in the novel he suggests (or begs) that the religious and scientific realms work together. What a bright idea!

Earlier this morning I was in the tub reading "Extreemly Loud & Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer (I reccommend this book!) and in the story the main character, a little boy, is writing letters to people he admires. "'Who are you writing letters to?' she asked... 'Kofi Annan, Siegfried, Roy, Jacques Chirac, E. O. Wilson, Wierd Al Yankovic, Bill Gates, Vladamir Putin, and some other people.'" I thought it was funny. It's okay if you don't.

so sitting at home isn't what it's cracked up to be...

Now, keep in mind that I would love to sit at home if I didn't have to work. But, since I do have to work, not working and not having a job is making me anxious. I'm still not getting calls for jobs that I'm over qualified for and today I've found one that I could do, but the database wouldn't take my application because I couldn't lie and say that English is related to a business degree, even though all of my job experience has been business related. So I'm going to have to find this department in the ice and snow (I've already fallen hard on my butt b/c of the ice once today) and I'm wearing jeans. But the opening closes tomorrow and I refuse to go there the last day -- so I'm going. The only jobs that are reviewing my application (and the only jobs I'm not over qualified for) are in Oklahoma City, or in other words, too far away. I would consider taking them anyway b/c I really want to be an adjunct in English, but Andy doesn't want me to drive that much (understandably).

The good news is that I'm reading A LOT. Finally I'm getting to read Jonathan Safran Foer's books and I'm reading more and more Irving and Walter Mosely. They are all good. Mosely isn't really my type of writer, but he's so good at that writer/reader relationship (dropping hints here and there so that when you read the next chapter you think "ooohhh") and he keeps you interested. I did read "A Widow for One Year" like I said I would and I underlined a quote for you, but I forgot the book at home, so another time. The book was interesting and very good in certain ways (complex family relationships and a lot of round characters) but it's a little too R-rated for most of the readers I know. I also read the new Diana Wynne Jones book (excellent!) and the new book in the Tiffany Aching series, titled "Wintersmith." If you know any girls from 11-16, give them these books; they have my highest recommendation.

We were iced-in for the weekend. It's apparently our last night of single digit temperatures, so that's good. I hope everyone is safe and doing well.

That's all for today, I think.

don't call it a comeback

I haven't had access to the Internet in so long... We're settled in Stillwater now and I'm really enjoying our little house. Daphne loves having a yard to run around in and Andy seems to be enjoying his new school and job -- he's nervous, but he should be. Graduate school is a kick in the pants or a pat on the head that means "it's okay, you can't be the smartest, you know" or "well aren't you cute trying to be a scholar."

As much as I'm enjoying my home I'd like to be out of it a bit. I haven't found a job so I can't leave the house or I'll spend money that I don't have because, as I said, I'm unemployed. I've sent my resume to ten or so places and I'm overqualified for most of those positions, so I don't know why people haven't called me back. It's difficult for me to be patient.

I'll ask Andy to post some pics of our new place and perhaps we can post some of our videos. He got a camcorder for Christmas and we've made a few birding videos that I know you'll be waiting on the edge of your seat to see.

I hope everyone is doing well. Please let me know.

woohoo!

So we both graduated. And I never have to set foot in the Museum again. I'm so so happy.

I'm not reading the John Irving book yet because I'm in the middle of a good, but predictable, series by Orson Scott Card about Alvin Maker.

rays of sunshine

Ray LaMontagne, that's him on the right, has become one of my new favorite singers because of his folk and blues inspired lyrics and his extremely soulful voice.

NPR live concert: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6599923

His myspace page: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=10492098

Another ray is that I only have one paper left. Now, it's 20 pages and I haven't started it and it is due by tomorrow at 4pm, but I'm holding on to the fact that I have only one more left. Just one more night without sleep and one more day getting sick from the stress. Then it'll all be gone; I'm kissing school goodbye. And like Ray's songs, that's beautiful music to my ears.

quote

"This too shall pass; now would be good."

a little number and tree time

I've been listening to a song over and over: "Perfectly Fitted" by Waterdeep. Some of the lyrics: "Come to me, for I am gentle. You weary souls will find rest, for I am perfectly fitted to your curves... My yoke is easy; My burden is light." It has reminded me that my life really has been much easier (more peaceful, more content, more secure) once dedicating it to Christ and it becomes easier when I try to remember and live true to that decision day to day. The song also comforted me by reminding me that God made me who I am. I'm not defective. I often feel like I'm too much for people and it makes me nervous and shy. But God made me blunt and outspoken and I think that as long as I use that characteristic to love others I am the person He created -- the person He wanted and choose to create. My curves are different than yours, but He is still a perfect fit for all of us. It's a good song.

I'm wrapping up my job and wishing that I had honored Christ more in my work. I think I wasted too much time and didn't control my emotions around my boss often enough. I'm not capable of loving everyone, but I should've been serious about asking God to love them through me. I asked a couple of times, but I also wallowed in my dislike. We're having the Christmas work party Tuesday morning, so please pray that I won't hurt anyone's feelings. Basically, no one had better ask me if I'll miss my job, because then I'll have to say "No." and they'll ask why and then I'll have to be vague.

One more week of school. I'm not so stressed about it -- which is actually a bad thing, because I'm having a hard time making myself work. Andy's overzealous Physics prof is giving a comprehensive exam over 16 chapters. I pity Andy, but he is Suma Cum Laude, so you can't pity him too much, you know? We have our gowns and I bought new black shoes, but I can't figure out how to wear the master's hood. A few people from each side (his and mine) are coming and we're excited that they'll be here to celebrate with us.

A lot of new exciting things to look forward to. New school, new job, new church, new restaurants, new home... and eventually a new pup! Yes, the time has almost arrived to search for that beloved pup that will be Daphne's playmate. We're looking for a flashy brindle male boxer who has large -- 80lb.+ -- parents. So if you hear of a litter, let me know! We're trying again to find a home next Tuesday, Dec. 19, and stopping on the way to have dinner with Andy's paternal grandmother (she a Rotary governor!), which is great because we don't see her very often and she has a ChowChow who likes to play with Daphne.

I've decided to print out a pic of our Christmas tree from last year and tape it on the wall above the presents I'm going to wrap this week. I think it'll be funny. Here's our pretty tree and my (I love this thing!) nativity.

eek!

I'm sorry I haven't blogged lately. And I'm not going to until I'm finished with everything. I don't know if work or school is more frustrating and difficult this week, but the combo is working together to kill me, I'm sure. We've had elementary school tours all week and my boss has been popping in my office more than usually lately. I have billions of pages still due. billions. waa.

misc

Andy said my last post was mean. I'm sorry that I can be so mean sometimes. I wish I weren't, but at least I've got pretty much got the honest thing down. I should bite my tongue more often.

"Stranger than Fiction" is a great movie, go see it!

I wish I were Damien Rice's or Fernando Ortega's or Josh Groban's back-up singer.

I'm thinking of quitting school... with only a week left. I'm having writer's block or something else weird with my brain (perhaps it is leaking again, I should really get that checked out... I did get a Qtip stuck in my ear yesterday) and I have about sixty pages that should've been finished about a week ago.

Andy and I are normally busy and stressed. Last night we had fun though... we went to the Chinese buffet that we'll never visit again b/c a cockroach walked across the table... we laughed... then after the movie we raced to the truck. You should try it, it's more fun that you could possibly imagine. Then we made fun of each other's laugh. I really like my husband, you know.

I have a John Irving book ready to read - "A Widow for One Year" I'll tell you about it when I get to start, which will be after these papers are complete. Irving is my favorite American author, I think. Or at least so far. For some reason I've read a lot more Brit Lit than American.

That's all.

things I've learned from my current job

(No, my boss isn't that mean, or blunt; I just think this strip is hilarious.)

1. Things not to do to be a successful boss.

a. Micro-manage

b. poke my employees in the stomach

c. consistently give my opinion, even when not asked

d. talk more than I listen

e. whistle or make any other loud repetitive noises that might disturb other workers

f. make assumptions without first talking to everyone involved

g. leave long vaguely insulting letters for my employees to find when they come to work the next morning

h. remind people that "I am the boss"

2. Carefully make sure that I don't have anything my employer can use against me.

3. I'm not made for secretarial work, no matter what my Meyers Brigg profile says.

17 days left and counting!

Dilbertization of the workplace

http://www3.baylor.edu/christianethics/VocationarticleHsu.pdf

As you know I hate my job, partly because of micro-managers and partly because I feel like my work is meaningless. I could, therefore, relate to the article that the link takes you to. I bet you'll enjoy it also.

If you do read it, let me know what you think you're "wired" to do. I enjoy myself the most when I am (in this order) singing, reading, and cooking. I'm not sure that I was made to be a chef, but I believe that I was made to love others through cooking for them. I still get too nervous when I sing in front of crowds. So I picked English because I get sucked into novels and I consistently read until I can't stay awake. Hopefully I can have a "career" job soon that has something to do with novels -- interesting novels.

Thanksgiving

We're going to Tulsa for Thanksgiving this year and (yay!) I was asked to bring a dish or two. I decided on a fudge chocolate cake (b/c I don't like pumpkin pie and my sister-in-law won't eat any type of pie) and the sweet potato casserole (b/c Andy and I love it and I refuse to let people destroy it by using canned yams).

Well, I decided to make the cake today in order to save time. The cake layers rose to a lovely high level and the icing is deliciously chocolaty and rich without being very sweet. Then, to my despair, I dropped the top layer of the cake, which squashed the air out of the layer and make half of the layer break off. I decided not to panic; I've patched cakes with icing before, but when I went to pick the layer up one of the halves broke into pieces (which I was in a way proud of because the crumb was perfect and the layer soft and fudgey as it should've been). So I'm taking a much less impressive cake to the festivities, and I realized that the kids probably won't like it because it isn't overly sweet. Then I decided not to worry about it, because at least I will enjoy it tomorrow. I'm sure my casserole will be the hit anyway. My in-laws are freaks about pumpkin pie and probably wouldn't notice the delicacy and the perfection of flavors of my cake.

The hit of the holiday, though, is the turkey. I love to eat deep fried turkey -- it's the best way to go. But, if I have to have it made another way I happily eat it with the congealed type of cranberry sauce. This does have a point: I saw a white turkey the other day in someone's yard and Andy told me that it was a domesticated turkey -- the kind farmers raise for us to eat. I didn't know that they looked so different, so I decided to post pics of the wild and domesticated turkeys for your viewing pleasure. Have a great holiday and remember to be thankful! My next post will tell you for what I'm most thankful.

I'm so excited!

One of my top five novels is being made into a movie! I'm so excited! They had better get it right!

trip time

We're leaving for Dallas today to make our way to Austin for my brother's wedding on Saturday. I'm looking forward to the time with Andy and we tend to enjoy road trips. We haven't had much time together -- this semester has been tough -- so we're excited. I'm also excited about seeing my family. The only problem with going on a trip is getting ready to leave. We never have enough time in the day to finish everything that needs to be done and we are therefore constantly late. I think we just have too much to do for a couple of youngsters. But there is no fixing that right now, I suppose.

from Webb's myspace page

Derek Webb - lyrics from the new album "Mockingbird"

"There are two great lies that I've heard: the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him." -from A King & A Kingdom

"Peace by way of war is like purity by way of fornication it's like telling someone murder is wrong and then showing them by way of execution." -from My Enemies Are Men Like Me

"Are we defending life when we just pick and choose lives acceptable to lose and which ones to defend." -from Love Is Not Against The Law

"I don't want to know if the answers aren't easy. . . Don't teach me about moderation and liberty, i prefer a shot of grape juice." -from A New Law

"My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man, my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood it's to a king and a kingdom." -from A King & A Kingdom

"Come on and follow Me, but sell your house, sell your SUV, sell your stocks, sell your security and give it to the poor." -From Rich Young Ruler


He'll perform in Lubbock Feb. 3rd and in Waco April 16th.

whine

I’m feeling a little prideful and frustrated. I’ve been searching for jobs in Stillwater and it seems that I’m either going to have to be a secretary or a fry cook. If I want a position that I’m actually trained for, such as an English adjunct professor, I’d have to drive to Oklahoma City Community College. I don’t think the process for my alternative teaching certificate will be complete before the spring semester starts, so I’m out of luck there. I don’t want to have to work at Old Navy with a bunch of seventeen year olds!

By the way, Andy said that the bat is eating again and doing well.

about Andy and animals

I don't really have anything to say so I thought I'd tell you a little about Andy's job feeding the animals in McEver. Every day he waters all of the reptiles and feeds the lizards and geckos. He feeds the snakes (by thawing mice and rats under a heat lamp -- but not too long or they pop when the constrictors squeeze them) every Saturday. I try to help once a week by feeding the reptiles that eat crickets because I refuse to thaw the mice (I have tried to feed a snake a mouse once) and I refuse to touch the roaches, which are the other food source for the reptiles. Grabbing handfuls of crickets are bad enough because they are slightly squishy and sometimes they crawl up my arm. I have to check myself to keep from being grossed out. Also, I have to hold my breath whenever I grab them because a bucket FULL of crickets is one of the worst stenches I have smelled.

This week there was a pleasant surprise. Other students that Andy knows caught an Eastern Red Bat and a Least Shrew. The shrew is adorable and is smaller than a silver dollar. Andy fed it a roach twice its size -- that was a little disgusting, but it is still cute. The cutest, though, was the bat. I couldn't imagine a more amazing creature. I cannot describe it with justice and I know that the pictures I post will not inspire in you the wonder and caring that I had for this creature. The poor thing is dying, I think, and she has escape at least twice from her cage. I hope she makes it. The students aren't harming her, though, so don't worry. (If you click on the images you can see the bat at full size.)

today's tidbit

I was officially told that I passed my examinations. woohoo!

I've been having many more conversations with my younger sister Audrey lately than I have had since we graduated high school. I'm thoroughly enjoying it and I'm thankful for it. One neat thing about being an adult is being friends with your adult siblings. It's a more conscious and thoughtful relationship than when you just act and react with each other as people tend to do when they are children.

Speaking of the word children, did you know that it is pluralized twice? In Old English the plural for child is childre and in Middle English the plural (in the Southern dialect) was made by adding an "n." Interesting, huh?

I'm having a hoot packing my things in my office. I can't wait to leave this job! And I'm looking forward to playing with Barbies with the Hendren's granddaughter, Grace. She's an interesting young lady (she's 10, I think) -- I really like her so I'll tell you how that goes.

Which reminds me that I'd like to apologize to Audrey for always taking the prettier Barbies and for always making my Hot Looks Doll be the lead singer in the band. That wasn't fair, Audi, and I'm sorry for controlling you like that when we were kids. Thank you for being my favorite playmate. You still are, you know.

not too shabby

I'm still fatigued. I had a hard time getting out of bed today even though I was fully awake. I finally found the will power at 7:45 and began making a cake for one of my coworkers. This one is good -- it's a pineapple white chocolate upside down cake. I had forgotten how much I love baking! I can't start back up yet though, because I know I'll be doing a lot of that for the holiday season and because I think I've gained the weight back that I lost. I'm not sure b/c our scale is packed, but I don't feel the same. I stopped working out while we were moving and I only started back last week by walking with a few ladies at church. For some reason I'm loath to go to the gym after such a long absence, but I suppose I'll force myself tonight. I don't know why I'm so self-conscious there.
Andy and I are going to eat at the Hendren's on Friday, which is very exciting because they are neat people and Dottie is an excellent cook. Much much better than I am, but then she has thirty or so years on me.
I can't believe that Lady in the Water is still not out on video. I'm really anxious about it. It's like waiting for the next installment in your favorite series -- book or TV show. I can't stand the waiting.
Check out the new recipe. It's a good one, in fact, we're having it tonight.

unpause

Hello everyone. I think I did well on my exam. Thank you for thinking of me. I'll know by the end of this week if I passed. I'm sorry that I still don't have much to say. Andy and I have been sick with colds and I have several papers due. Soon the craziness will end and you'll blissfully be given nonsensical blogs.

pause

I will not make updates or postings this week due to the magnitude of my exam on Saturday. I'll write again Monday.
Have a good week!

too tired

I am too tired to compose anything today. I'm cooking a ton of chili for our community group tonight and we're leading the music for worship. That's all good.

I want to thank all of the women who befriended me. You are awesome and I'm thankful for you.

personality problems

I had everyone at work take the standard personality test (mbti, jung, meyers-brigg) and I had some funny but predictable results.
The person who gets on my nerves happens to be my "contrast."
My favorite coworker, but one who I feel protective over is my "pedagogue" and another coworker that I work well with is my "pal."
Andy turned out to be my "companion."
If you decide to take the test (the first link) you may read the personality profiles and the relationship pairs and definitions. It's fun and interesting.
I knew Audrey and I would be similar, but it turns out we have exactly the same profile, ISTJ. There are different levels for each personality trait that is signified by a letter. Therefore, even though Audrey and I have the same profile, we both have different levels of each trait.
test: http://similarminds.com/pref_jung.html
descriptions: http://typelogic.com/istj.html
a different description page: http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html

surprised by a solicitation

As you know, I don't make friends quickly. I keep one, maybe two, close friends at a time. Since Nellie and since moving from my hometown, I've had a hard time figuring out if people like me. I feel awkward when I talk to people and I'm sure that most of them misread me.
I really do like people.
For the first time I've actually been invited to the annual Halloween English dept. party. People have asked me if I was going before, but no one (until yesterday) actually said they wanted me to go. I was so pleased that I said I'd go despite the fact that I'm completely uncomfortable at parties. One of my classmates said he would bring Catch Phrase, which I hope he does since I'm very comfortable playing games with people. In fact, I love it. I'm so competitive that I'm sure I annoy others -- but I love it so much that I don't care. I don't know what I'll do if people just stand around and talk.

funny and feckless

After I posted my last blog I went home and became angry at something Andy did or said. I can't remember what it was. But, that is funny to me. C'est la vie, right?

I haven't decided if I prefer to live in the country or the city. The country is peaceful and more beautiful, but the city is closer to everything and I can walk Daphne (b/c there are sidewalks!), which is wonderful even if I have to see domestic disputes and trash thrown in the streets.

I'm feeling a sort of vague discomfort because of our future move. I feel anxiety whenever there is a big decision needing to be made. Andy tries to tell me to not worry about it, but I always feel this way when we have a big decision. I don't know when I started this or if I've always been this way. It is so extreme that I almost prefer a not-so-great decision over no decision, which I guess makes me hasty. Perhaps I'm only hasty compared to Andy; I'm not sure.

I can't take pics of my hair as a few of you have asked b/c we packed our camera. And the curls aren't as tight as they were. It still looks better than my previous flat lanky hair, but it isn't as cute as it was.

Our graduation will be Dec 16 (Mema's birthday and the first day of Hanukkah -- bound to be a good day) at 10 a.m. Family please don't feel like you have to give me anything for this graduation, you were so generous last year and I'm not expecting gifts. As I mentioned before our camera is packed, so if you come please bring yours. And I'd like to know if any of my family members are thinking of coming, because you know Andy's crew will be here and that's a lot of people, so I'd like to try to spread things out a little (so the two of us introverts aren't overwhelmed.)

But of course I won't know if I'm actually graduating until I pass my comprehensive exam in ten days...EEK!

About Andy

Even when I'm furious with Andy I never doubt my decision to marry him; in fact, I'm always grateful that he's stuck with me for life.

Not only is he smart and funny, as all of you know, he is patient, loyal, and loving, and only I truly know.

It's only because of God's consistent love for us and courting of us that we're able to love each other as we do. (b/c we're both so stubborn and lots of other not so pleasant things.)

Every morning that I wake up next to him I'm glad (I really mean every morning, which is amazing) and I felt like telling you about it today.

sweatshirts, school, and such

It is finally sweatshirt weather. I love to wear blue jeans and a sweatshirt. Andy and I are opposite in this: he prefers the spring and summer and I love the fall and winter.

Andy's physics professor seems to be behaving more reasonably lately. Thank you community group members for praying for him. I'm also feeling a little bit easier about school. I still have a lot to do but I had a few compliments from a professor last night at class and that re-energized me. I am one of those perfectionists who freaks out and doesn't want to turn anything in because it isn't perfect. I've learned to get over that in the past year b/c in graduate school you don't have an option of turning things in late and my professors (or at least two of them) figured me out and told me that I had to quit that habit. (I also don't like to try new things unless I know I'll succeed in it -- which is absolutely silly b/c I couldn't know unless I tried.) But I still think whatever I've done for class isn't good enough because I'm a little amazed that I'm still in school. That's why when I find out that I'm actually one of the better students I'm tickled. It's funny to remember that Andy also never really believes that he is as smart as he is -- so why do I think that's so strange when I do it myself?

Anyway, I wrote a paper yesterday on The Subjection of Women, one of the first essays written for women's rights in England -- I think it was about in 1860s. I want to quote two of the statements that I quoted in my paper because they are so cutting and poignant. I think it's worthwhile to mention them.

“[M]en usually see only what they already had in their own minds.”
“[W]as there ever any domination which did not appear natural to those who possessed it?”

just super

Did you know that I really like superhero movies, especially the new ones being remade by DC Comics? "Batman Returns" was the best remade film, but Superman is my favorite superhero.

Reasons why Superman is the best superhero:

1. Unlike all the other major superheroes, he's an alien.

2. His story (his father sending his only son to help the human race) mimics the Christ story.

3. He has a mythological past that keeps the story interesting. Both Batman and Spiderman only have their namesake creatures, an aged relative, and more and more introduced enemies to keep their stories interesting.

4. He was the first superhero created.
5. Clark Kent is apparently fashioned after Atticus Finch.

6. Superman is a cool guy who's alter ego is a dork. Spiderman is a dork who's alter ego is a cool guy.

a little relief

Well, I feel much better. We are now living in our simple undecorated tiny apartment and I am thrilled. I didn't realize how stressed I felt about staying in the Wilkin's home because I was afraid that we (especially Daphne) would damage it. I also feel less stressed because I talked to my dean on Friday and he told me that he doesn't think I'll have a problem passing the exam and he gave me a few tips on how to alter my preparation for it. Also, my boss is allowing me to use vacation time for the whole week before the exam, which is on a Saturday.

My Dad told me that I should write that Andy and I won't be able to give Christmas presents this year because we're too busy with school and moving. Well, he's right. Did you read that Dad? I acknowledged that you are right. However, he forgot how obsessive I get about Christmas presents. I shopped for almost everyone at the beginning of the summer. I don't have presents for a few people, so if you're one of those (of course, you won't know if you are one of those until Christmas) read this. I'm going to modify Dad's advice a little and give those, for whom I haven't shopped for, gift cards of modest amounts. That way I won't have to shop or wrap anymore than I have already. Moreover, we won't be able to afford to give presents except to our immediate families -- I've made something small for the extended family, but we don't have the time or money to give anything to our friends this year. I know you probably don't care, but I love giving gifts and I wish I could give everyone I care about a token of that feeling.
Anyway, I thank you for understanding!

Half of the semester is over

and it is making me panic. I've a lot left to do! To Andy it seems like a relief, I guess because he's excited about moving on and because it is easier for him to forget what is going on and focus only on school. I have trouble doing that.

I finally finished my resume so I'm mailing my application for alternative certification in Oklahoma tomorrow. I don't think I'll get it before the new year so I doubt I'll find a position for the spring semester. I suppose I'll look around for editing jobs or secretarial work since I'm fairly good at that sort of thing. It's not what I really want, but it will be a nice brain-break and it will pay the bills. I'll just have to see what God has in store for me.

We're moving into our apartment Friday and I'm looking forward to having a kitchen to cook in again. No matter how much I enjoy staying with someone, I'm always happy to be back in my own space. Have you ever thought of what things or feelings you associate with your home? I wrote an excellent paper on this topic (very few of my papers are good, I produce maybe one a year) and I might share it because I think this topic is interesting and easy to talk about. Everyone has something to say about their home or lack of a home. Feel free to share. I really appreciate those who have commented on past blogs! It is encouraging.

flip-flop

I think it is funny that two hundred years ago the separation of church and state was to keep the government from running the church, not to keep the church or religion out of the government. And now, the issue has reversed and the people who are outspoken about the separation are so because they want to keep religion out of government. I don't know if this is good or bad, but this is how it is.

today's update

We haven't officially obtained a place to rent. We've called everyone listed and only one place will allow us to rent for only three months. Most rental places hung up after they heard "fifty pound boxer." It's sad that so many people have abused the rental system so that property owners naturally distrust them. As Nana says, "renters are C-grade people." But we're not. We're clean, quiet, and we usually go to bed at a decent hour. So it's too bad that we can't convince these people that they would be much happier with us for three months than the people they will probably get for six. Oh well. At least there was one place willing to take us! I feel a little like Joseph and Mary. But, as I just remembered, God provided in their case as He will in ours.

apology

I'm sorry about my last post. I think it was wrong of me to step up on that soapbox because I have just as many issues as the people I was writing about. Bob reminded me that we're not supposed to judge the people that God came to love -- we're supposed to love them as He does. People probably look at my life and see glaring problems too. And their sins aren't any worse than mine just because I don't do the ones they do. So, I am sorry.

realist

I'm a realist. I like to be blunt and I like it when people are blunt. I don't mean rude or unkind but straightforward and honest. One of the many reasons I was (and still am) so attracted to Andy is because he is very honest and he doesn't tell me things just to make me feel better (even though I've wanted him to at times.)

So I've been surfing on Myspace.com where one may locate old friends or classmates. I've contacted several and several have contacted me. Few reunions make me happy because I've noticed a trend in people my age. Most seem only to be concerned with being the sexiest (the women do this) or the coolest (the men do this) or the most fun-loving (all do this.) I know if they were to meet me in person today they would find me dull and probably snobbish. In fact, from conversing on myspace most are bored with me already. I'm not telling you this because I'm upset about not being cool. I'm upset because I feel sorry for the people who are killing their bodies and their souls. I'm telling you all now that you can't live fast and live well for long. Your health will most likely catch up to you. And I'm telling all the women something that my old pastor Jason told me: There will always be somebody prettier, smarter and better than you. In other words, it is worthless to try to be the top and it is better to just be satisfied with who you are and how you were made. And I don't understand women (not teenagers, but women) who want to be the sexiest. I only want to be sexy to my husband and I have no desire to entice any other man. For the sake of my younger readers I won't go further into this. I'm just sad for mankind. And if you're reading this and thinking that I'm self-righteous I assure you I am not. I have ugly parts just like everyone else. And I blog about them from time to time.

rerun

Yes, I am sleepy again.
Very sleepy.

Well, we're finally almost out of the Wilkin's home. We've packed up the majority of our stuff (and it's a lot of stuff) and we're staying with a very nice couple, the Gordons, tonight and the following nights until next Wednesday when we move into the Manry's home to mooch off of them for awhile. I had to rip up my tomato plants and leave behind my herbs because I didn't have time to re-pot them. Leaving the house was sad too, but I'm so tired that it's a below-the-surface kind of sad. Everything will be better with a good deep sleep.

Funny quote: "Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone? That way, he learns that wishing isn't going to save our national forests."

Oh and... HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CAROLINE!

servant's heart

I really wish I had a servant's heart.
But I'm sitting here with a bad attitude. My boss just asked me to make some hot water for the staff meeting. This irritates me for two reasons: she was just in the kitchen when she asked me and I was in my office, and I'm the only one out of the four staff who go to the meeting who doesn't use the hot water. It could also be that I have a history of frustration with this woman, or it could be that I don't like when bosses ask me to do things like that when they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves? (Family - Remember how I lost my job at the law firm when I was 16 or 17?)
But I wish I lovingly served others. I wish I could look on anyone's face and see God's beautiful creation.

you're getting very sleepy

Andy and I both feel spent. We're moving, trying to find a rent-house, trying to keep up in our classes, and everything that goes along with all that. At least we have the school question answered. I know tons of you were praying for Andy's GRE, and look how that turned out -- wonderfully! So pray for me too, please! I have my exit exam in one month and I'm barely keeping up in my classes. I feel like my brain is melting away and seeping through my ears when I sleep. Every morning I have a hard time waking up and facing yet another day of work work work. And I feel dumber, probably because of the aforementioned brain leakage.

This is our last week in our beautiful home. I'm going to miss it so much! I know that I won't be living in such a lovely place for at least four years. Oklahoma has a different kind of beauty. I'm glad that Andy, Audrey, and I hiked a trail in the Ozarks last week, because I don't know when we'll get to again. We'll definitely make trips back to Arkansas and everyone is welcome to join us!

new news

We're going to OSU www.okstate.edu
which is in Stillwater, which puts us 1/3 closer to you Dallas folk, and a LOT closer to you Tulsa folk.
I'm excited for the following reasons:
1. Q'doba
2. Panera
3. Old Navy
4. Chili's
5. Theaters that don't smell like a combo of pickles and urine.
Need I say more?

Now all we need is a home with a fence and a job for me.
Everyone get prepared to visit!

feels like Monday

Update: My perm turned out well, it's a tighter curl than I wanted but it looks cute. Andy said I looked like Hurley. Even though Hurley is my favorite character on my favorite TV show, I don't necessarily want my looks to be compared to his. Kate has curly brown hair; why didn't he say that I looked like Kate? Oh well, I got a good laugh out of it. I'd never want to be as scrawny as Kate anyway.
This is more newsworthy: Andy scored extremely well on his GRE scores -- over two hundred points higher than he was expecting. (Now I hope he's starting to realize that he is as smart as everyone thinks he is.) Thank you to all who prayed! We're going to Stillwater Wednesday night to meet with a professor at OSU Thursday morning. Right now it seems like OSU is where we're headed - but Andy scored high enough to go to schools like Virginia Tech, so we're still not sure on the final decision yet. I feel good about visiting OSU though, it feels like that's where we're going.
My sister came to visit this weekend and we had a nice time. We hiked the pedestal rock trails, we played tennis, we shopped and we had lunch at the Marketplace. It was a grrrreat time. I really like having her in the house - it was a little boring after I dropped her off at the airport.
Well, that's all for today. Have a good day folks.

oh no!

I'm out of sugar free candy! I'm fiend-ing.
(Wouldn't it be interesting to study the history of that slang term? A fiend can mean someone who is an addict or who is interested in something. So if I'm fiending for something - I'm missing the thing to which I'm addicted.)


I'm getting a perm today. Yes, folks, a perm. I'm a little scared. You can imagine I'm sure. I don't want to be a bad perm statistic. But I'm going to go for it anyway. The only male at the salon (I trust male hairstylists b/c I figure that they wouldn't be in such an effeminante business if they weren't good at it and didn't enjoy it.) told me that I needed a body wave, a soft perm. I need it? I don't need it but if it changes my flat hair into not-so-flat hair, I'll be pleased. If it changes my flat hair into big Napoleon Dynamite hair, I'll not be pleased. You'll hear all about it if it's bad.

Right now I'm reading "Absalom, Absalom!" by Faulkner for my master's exam, "Great Expectations" by Dickens for my class and "The Mists of Avalon" by Bradley for fun. It's getting a little confusing, but I have different levels of focus for each one. The reading difficulty decreases as you go down my list. Does anyone know why Faulkner refuses to use commas in lists? Or why he's so ridiculously difficult? Kudos to anyone who reads his novels for fun. It's a worthy task but not a fun one.

Audrey is coming to visit tomorrow; I'm very excited! Andy'll be taking the GRE exam in less than 48 hours. Yes, he's freaking out a bit -- not as much as I expected, though.

nostalgia and the not so silent "t"

Why, out of all the SAT words we were made to memorize, do most people remember what nostalgic means? Perhaps, it is because it has a nice sound or perhaps because we all feel a little nostalgic about something in our past.
Frankly, I can't stand who I used to be overall. . . implying that I had at least few good points, I think, one of those being my love of music. So, while I may not be nostalgic about my past, I am nostalgic about particular bands and songs. You should know, dear reader, that I think the reason Andy persisted in pursuing me -- even after he wrongly assumed that I liked other guys -- is because we both loved music so much. Almost all of our early dates were going to go see bands, especially Waterdeep. And, of course, it gave us a subject to talk about.
All of that babbling was simply to tell you that I had a nice day listening to music (because no one else was at work with me today) and to impress upon you how nice it was to enjoy music, which is very nice. Nice, nice, nice.

Guess what. The "t" in often is silent! I had no idea! Apparently, Peter Jennings or some other newscaster in the early 80's said "off-ten" instead of the proper "offen" and now tons of people, including me, say "off-ten." (It became so popular that the modern dictionaries give both pronunciations.) Well, no more. Since I enjoy being such a stickler, I'm going to try to say "offen" just for the fun of being a snob. (If you don't believe me, add an "s" to often and see if "t" stays or not.)

shorty

I remembered last night that I told someone that everyone has blindspots concerning their own behavior. And I know that everyone -- everyone -- has a social mask. So I'm not facade free, but I do try to be very honest.

I saw a funny t-shirt today that had "I don't care about your blog" written on the front.

I'm trying to clean out the freezer since we're moving so Andy and I have eaten venison for several days now and soon we're going to eat the Elk that Myrriah gave us before they moved. I normally don't prefer chicken, but I'm starting to miss it.

That's all I've got today folks. I decided I'm not going to be so lazy with school this semester so I've to do some homework. Remember: Andy's GRE examination is this Sat --> please pray for him.

In Support of Squirrels

Squirrel hunting season opened today. In honor of the hundreds of squirrels now being peppered while sitting in a tree by shotgun-toting rednecks, I have posted these links. I hope you enjoy them.


Link to the best Squirrel Song on the internet (I hope it plays for you, it was having some trouble today): http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/Squirrels_Song/

These links are only for those who are extremely bored:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Fictional_squirrels

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies/mamba/

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies/dduck/

Facade free - I hope

I'm sorry my few faithful readers, if I haven't been blogging enough. I haven't had anything funny or interesting to say lately. The only thing I've thought of today is how much I dislike my job, and that will get old to read about - and I can't tell you the funniest things about my job. At least, not here. . . I'll tell you in person. My long lost friend Justin recommends The Office. I've seen the BBC version and I hope to watch the US one as well because I know I can relate. Everyone who works at the museum is very different from everyone else who works at the museum. Out of my coworkers, my friend Faith knows me the best. She understands that when my face seems to frown it is only because that is how my face looks when I'm at work. Today I replied to something she said, which prompted her to reply, "Okay -- Oh, Voice of Reason." That's hilarious. Very hilarious. One other coworker constantly asks me if I'm alright. YES, I'M FINE. He means well; he's a very conscientious soul.

I'm sorry people but I just can't hide my emotions. I had a high compliment from a recently acquired friend - a thirty-something radio DJ named Jason. We're very different from each other, but he told me that he liked me anyway because he thinks I'm genuine. That's the best compliment! Out of all the things I would want a person to say - that's top on the list. (The list is completely different for you Andy - so don't worry.) I don't make a lot of friends, but I realized last night that many of the students (who have been in classes with me for three years and haven't initiated conversation to me until this point) actually like me. How can this be? Especially when I've met so many who obviously dislike me - like the raspberry woman and some of my professors. Well, at least I know they didn't like me for me b/c I don't allow them to be mistaken about who I am or what I think. Because I'm genuine and I'm a genuine loud-mouth.

Apparently my video store now has Lost, but I can't rent it yet because they have to get the art work ready. They just lost my business today - I can't wait any longer! Just knowing I'm that much closer to watching it drives me crazy so I'm going to Hastings to rent it. yipee!

foggy-brain day

I just had two people visit the Museum. If that weren't strange enough, they were French, but they live in Israel, and are now vacationing in Arkansas. What? They made me nervous. Probably because I haven't spoken more than ten words to anyone (besides Andy) today and the rare occasion of having visitors in the Museum requires that I speak to other humans. Those other humans are normally either strange or strangers.

My brain is in a cloud. This is usually a self induced state (not with drugs, but with daydreams and novels) but today I think it's that evil stress again. I'm worried about where we're going to be, where we're going to live, what we're going to be able to afford, where I'm going to work, what I'm going to do (kids or more school? kids or more school?) and if we're going to have enough money. This is silly, you say. Well, of course it is. I know that. Everything has always worked out -- just as my foggy brain is now reminding me -- "in all things, God works for the good of those who love him" (Bible, Romans 8:28). I know that. I have personal experience examples of that caretaker characteristic of God's, but I'm still stressed.

Neither of these paragraphs state what is foremost in my mind today. The second season of Lost became available for purchase yesterday. So why doesn't my video store have it for me to rent yet? WHY? I'm so excited! I think I'll call them again to ask if it has arrived. Just so you know, the check-out people at the video store know my full name b/c of how often I was in their store to rent Lost previously.

travel products site

I've always wanted to use this site. Maybe someone else will find it handy.
http://www.minimus.biz/default.aspx

that's the kicker.

I had a wonderful morning. It’s cool at our house because the north wind breezes through our windows and I actually had to sit with a blanket this morning. I love that! I had a cup of coffee, a blanket and Daphne. Normally I also have a book, but I was too weary of reading for that. I never would have thought that I would get sick of reading. Well, I guess it isn’t really sick of reading – if Diana Wynne Jones published a new novel I wouldn’t stop reading it. I’ve almost had it with Victorian novels and collections of critical essays. My History of the English Language book is very interesting though. I’ll probably bore you to death with information (that I think is neat!) that I learn from it.

In fact, if you would, please comment on this blog and tell me what your favorite current kick is. I can probably guess some: Mom’s is quilting, Audi’s is budgeting, Dad’s is architecture of various sorts, Andy’s is a tug-of-war between fauna and music, Melanie’s and Coach Duke’s are deals of any sort – especially garage sales. . . but if I’m wrong please correct me. I love to be corrected because I may in turn correct you. Ha. And I love to know new things about people. (I wrote directions on how to comment on an earlier blog... I know you can figure it out.)

Well it seems that our lovely free home is going to be sold. We were hoping it would happen because it will benefit our benefactors (the Wilkins) but I'm sad to be leaving. I love where we live! And it isn't coming at the best of times, since this semester is going to be difficult for me and Andy is occupied with figuring out our future plans. Ah well, it has been an incredible blessing.

OH YEAH... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! WE LOVE YOU!

Beautiful day

It's strange how greatly my mood is affected by the weather. Last night was our first cool night so we happily opened the windows and slept soundly.

I found out that someone else had bought my "I love Matt" book and that student took it back, so I'm going to take it back. I opened it to read my chapter and Marybeth, the previous owner, had sporadically highlighted all through the book in bright blue and green. She highlighted so much that I can tell that she had no conscious thought as she was highlighting -- she was just scribbling across the page out of boredom. Some pages are completely blue. I'm sure she didn't learn a thing. The professor encouraged us to take notes while we read and I held up my textbook as an example of how to highlight. Needless to say, I got a lot of laughs.

Although today is going to be long, I see enormous potential. I've already worked out, I remembered to put on deodorant, I packed my lunch and my boss hasn't spoken to me yet. It's a nice morning.

this day requires two blogs

It’s time for you to see yet another level of my snobbishness.
I peeked into one of my Rhetoric textbooks to find large bubbly graffiti written with a black pen and blue highlighter. “Marybeth loves Matt” is written on the outside of the pages. “Marybeth St. John + Matt,” “I love MATT!!!,” Joe’s cell phone number, and a grocery list that includes magazines, salad, and flip-flops – are found within the pages of my textbook. I can’t help but think how Marybeth got her hands on a graduate level rhetoric book. Well, I could keep from thinking these things, probably, but I don’t stop myself. I also wonder how long this girl with the obtrusive handwriting stayed in school. I hope she married Matt, had his babies, and bought new flip-flops.

Recently Andy and I discussed writing in books. I write in books; he does not. Apparently, texts are sacred to Andy. I enjoy making notes. IN PENCIL! If I didn’t make notes, I wouldn’t write insightful papers because I can’t remember what I thought from one page to the next. Those notes are there for me the next time I read waiting for me to make new connections from my old ones. This habit is helpful and makes sense. A grocery list in a textbook is a desecration! This book cost me at least thirty bucks and I plan on keeping it for reference. Marybeth, who wrote “Marybeth’s” and “Mary B’s” on the cover didn’t keep it so why was she so obsessed with marking her territory? I nicely write my name on the top right corner of the first page. If you are like Marybeth, please do not tell me because I won’t be able to love you completely. I probably couldn’t even look you in the face. That’s how far my snobbishness goes.

weekend synopsis

I spent this weekend in Dallas at the Women of Faith conference because my Mema nicely bought me tickets to join her and the rest of the women on my mom’s side of the family. I really enjoyed the big-city food, the time with my family, and the swimming pool at the hotel. Since the conference was the focal point of the weekend, I am going to talk about that.

My favorite speaker was Marilyn Meberg and the most impacting thing she said (something I’d heard several times, but I’m dense and it takes awhile to move me) was “Jesus did not come to make bad people good – he came to give dead people life.”
The most important thing that I realized this weekend, in response to the conference and my sister’s and mother’s church, is that I’ve been complacent since I made major changes to my life (when I became active in my relationship with God at 19 and then again when I was married at 21.) My regular habit is to go through my days thinking about what needs to be completed, scheduled, turned in, fixed, cleaned up… that I tend to react to my surroundings rather than making conscious decisions to be loving, serving, and thoughtful. So I'm working on that.

Poor Andy had to eat Wal-mart brand lasanga and McDonald's cheeseburgers. But he survived and he even mowed the lawn. He's at home today fixing our water pump, which died again today. Texas Tech is no longer an option for our next school. We're still looking at the two schools in OK and a few others in other states. His GRE exam date is Sept. 16th, so please pray for him that he'd pace the exam well and that he'd be able to remember what he has memorized.

It's so amazing...

. . . when complete strangers are rude to you. It stops you in your tracks and when you've recovered from the shock, you review the scene in your mind a few times to see if you missed something. Then you think rude thoughts about the stranger. You call him names. All because your pride was hurt by someone you don't know. Why should you care if a stranger is rude to you? But really, it's a little funny. I don't know why it's funny. But at least I'm laughing and not chasing the twerp down. He should've been spanked more as a child -- and I don't even believe in spanking.

lackey

That's what I feel like today. Except, lackeys are supposed to be male, but who actually knows that unless they check their definitions?

I had a stare down with a lady today. It was the wierdest thing. I'm not sure why we were having a stare down, but I felt the general aggression and frustration. I must be an extremely frustrating person. Sorry people.

My "vacation" went by like a flash! I spent one day reading "Eats, shoots & leaves" my friend Kay Manry lent me. It was hilarious and I highly recommend it. I, however, do not agree with the author that the internet should be proper. The whole fun of these blogs is that complete idiots (and moderate idiots like me) can be authors! We can write, spell and punctuate however we please. But, of course, the whole point of writing, spelling, punctuation and grammar is communication. And you can't communicate if people don't know what you're saying.

So - I could talk to Audrey about ice and Mom would think we were talking about frozen water when in fact we could be talking about expensive hubcaps, diamonds, or methamphetamines.
Ex. "I gotta keep my boo iced." = "If I want to keep my girlfriend, I have to give her expensive things -- like diamonds."

What I'm trying to say: While writing on the internet gives us A LOT of freedom and A LOT of potential readers, if you don't punctuate or spell properly (or use common definitions for things!) than people aren't going to understand what you're trying to write, so what then, would be the point? The point would be to limit your audience.

I hope I've a wide range of readers - from my preteen sister-in-law to my seventy-something Mema. And I'm not writing this as an online journal. I keep a journal at home where none of you can read. I'm writing this so that friends and family can be a little closer to Andy and me. So that you, if you want, can know what we're doing and know what we're like on a day-to-day basis. I hope you feel lucky.

Actually Arnold, it is a tumor.

Once again Andy and I have confirmation that something is defective in Daphne.
The growth on her cute face is a tumor, but it's a button tumor (histiocytoma) instead of the MCT I was worried about which means that it's benign and probably won't cause her much pain. The vet thinks it'll decrease on it's own, but if it doesn't they'll have to remove it.
She and I took a really long nap together today. (She sleeps on the floor next to me)
It's great to finally be out of summer school. I don't want to start the fall semester, but at least it's probably my last semester in school ever. EVER. probably... that's scary.

Apparently Andy is now down to three schools (don't get your hopes up peeps, I'm not, b/c it can all change). They are OSU, OU, and Texas Tech. I'm going to go home to eat some chili and a homegrown watermelon. Have a great weekend everyone. Next week is my "study for the master's exam" vacation so I won't post as frequently.

sugar high = myriad of topics

Hello. I'm having a great day and I thought I'd share it with you since you're so often subject to my crumbly grumbly moods.

I just had a doughnut. yum! beats carrots, but I have only one cheat left... (Oprah's bootcamp, you know) so I thought I'd save it for when I'm in Dallas. (HintHintFamily)
The school gym is closing for two weeks so I hope I can keep up my pace on Pilates videos and loops around the track. I bet if I cried in front of a local gym they'd let me in. I could tell them that I just ate a doughnut and those buff girls will gasp, take my hand, and lead me to the elliptical, while drying my eyes with their little white towels. I wonder why everyone carries those little towels around patting their little faces. I wear my sweat like a badge - I'm proud of it because it says, hey, look what I did!

Andy and I have only one more disc of Season One of LOST left... Walt was just kidnapped - I should've known that the Others meant him! (Hurley, Walt, and Sun are my favorites.) I can't wait to see the finale and then season two. I think I'll have to wait until the entire season three comes out before I can watch it because I can't take the suspense. But then, it would be fun to talk to others about them as they come out... and Audi offered to tape them for me... so we'll see. Justin, I still plan on checking out 24 but I don't know when yet. That may be next semester.

I made a new friend at school, a happy high school teacher named Jason who offered to get me his friend's notes for the Master's Exam. I can't wait to get my hands on those puppies.

Speaking of puppies, I saw a boxer in the road today. A beautiful flashy fawn male with clipped ears. If I hadn't had a cheescake in the back (for my classmates) I would've picked him up. Andy saw one yesterday on his way home that he passed by too. It's hard to know if they are petsb/c they don't usually have collars and since we're still at the Wilkin's home it's not like we could keep another dog... but I bet I could find it a good home and give it some love.

Aldo, the much anticipated future playmate for Daphne, will join our little family sometime after we move. Shopping for a pup is difficult because you see so many and you have to check out their temperaments and health before you carry them away and yet you want to take all of them because they are so cute. I'm hoping for a more assertive dog than Daphne, and we also have to live somewhere where they offer pup training classes b/c I bet more assertive dogs are harder to train. Daphne was a breeze. She still won't calm down around new places, new people, or other dogs, but otherwise she's a great dog. ha. No REALLY she is a good dog. Perhaps I'll put her in classes too.

I'm actually getting excited about teaching. My report on The House of the Scorpion went well today and I was so hyped up about it that I knew I would be able to energize my students. I wonder if I'll get a job. I hoping that a job will be waiting for me in January. If not then hopefully I can offer my services as a tutor for somebody.

Andy is a little bummed lately, he's afraid of the GRE and is playing the worst-case-senario game in his head again. If you pray, please do so for Andy that he'd be encouraged.
Daphne has a growth on her face (gross!) so I'm taking her to the vet today. I'm hoping it's not a tumor b/c Boxers are the breed with the highest mass cell tumor rate. But then, she's pretty young to develop one and only four percent of MCTs develop on the face and neck.

What a strange grouping of topics! Have a good weekend eh-ver-body.

OOOOOOkay

I found several blogspheres today that belonged to frustrated teachers. It's a wonderful asset for me because almost all of them talk about dealing with obnoxious students, domineering principles, and parents who object to the novels they teach (I'm sure that will happen to me every semester). I'm writing a paper tonight to persuade the other people in my class (almost all are already teachers) to include "The House of the Scorpion" either in their classroom library or, preferably, in their lessons plans. One blogger talked about dealing with a mother of a student who objected to this novel because she thought it was "trash." The teacher decided to avoid confrontation and assigned the student a different novel but the student had to do a lot of work on her own since the rest of the class was studying "Scorpion." That's absolutely ridiculous to me. I am glad that some parents take an interest in their children's education, but seriously, the teachers were hired to teach! If a parent objects all the time I think they should just stick their kids in homeschool. Then they can control their kids as much as they want.

Now I'm not saying that I think children should read novels with adult themes. It's okay to censor -- everyone censors. But this is a CHILDREN'S novel. and it won three prestigious awards! and it definitely qualifies for capital L literature. And I will teach it if I teach anywhere from 6th to 10th grade. I have no idea what I'll do when I'm questioned, rebuked, and censored.

On this same frustrated note... on my way to work I passed a lady who is known for her comments in class. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who has been subjected to her wrath. Feeling that way is probably not a good thing, but it's true. So -- In my creative writing class where I had to write the first three chapters or so of my novel, this lady tells the entire class that my story is "vulgar" and since my story happens to be a memoir, I too am "vulgar." OOOOOOOOkay. Warning - I'm about to say something mean. I remember that day she wore bright fushia everything - even pantyhose and lipstick. I think that's vulgar.

goodbye blue monday

For those of you who don't know, we did buy my mother-in-law's car.
It's a diesel Jetta and I am enjoying it (now that I know how to drive it - it's a manual)! It has a lot of pep and it is very very cute. And of course, it gets absolutely fantastic gas mileage.
Oh, and it is blue, a blue that I actually like.
It's an awesome car and I'm thankful to own it. It's much more awesome than say, Captain Kirk.

funny morning

Thanks to Nellie for sending this to me and thereby giving me a laugh that's always sorely needed on a monday morning.

It's titled "what would you do with eight treadmills?"
http://www.fugufish.org/frog/?p=38

detox stress

I think I need to go to a stress detox center. A few years ago I had a stress test done and I was tremendously off scale. So off scale in fact that it predicted that I'd have heart problems.
They were wrong. I'm obviously still alive.

I missed a lot of work today b/c I had to get two new tires for my car. I sat in Wal-Mart for at least two hours. That's stressful. Oh my. People are bonkers.

And I'm wondering about buying my mother-in-law's car. [Andy is in Oklahoma checking it out, getting his teeth cleaned, and having an interview with a prof. from OU.] Whenever I make a big purchase I can't sleep. Two days before I bought Andy a spotting scope (not for a gun but for birds) I couldn't sleep and it made me a wreck for a week.

Please no one say Let Go and Let God. As wise as that may be it doesn't work for me because I'm not afraid of the outcome. Life just brings stress and we have to learn to deal with it. (I am NOT saying that prayer doesn't help, it does. I just don't like cliche statements.)
So I'm going to go home in about thirty minutes and I'm going to have some chocolate milk and I'm going to watch a movie. Then I'm going to bed. Yes, Andy, before dark.

I thought I might sleep with my shotgun beside me and the bullets in my pillow case but I decided (just now) that it would be silly.
Please pray that I won't have scary thoughts or dreams while Andy is gone.

Discovery of the Day: Stephen King is actually a GOOD writer. I had no idea. I hope that the people who have heard me gripe about what I coined "literary crap" are amused b/c I'm agreeing with the masses. The book "Different Seasons" has the novellas that the movies, "Shawshank Redemption," "Apt Pupil," and "Stand by Me" were based on. They might be worth your pennies (I bought mine for 76 cents) or checking out of your local public library. ;)

the great puzzle

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" -Alice in Wonderland

What other great puzzles are there?
Other people are more of a puzzle for me than I am.
God is a puzzle, or even the question of God is a puzzle.
Hmm... I'm glad that I don't feel like I have to know everything.

forgetful me

So I left my keys in my Pa's car.

So I didn't realize it until I was leaving for church the next day. (Andy had already left)

So I braved the Chevette.

It was terrifying. I stalled probably seven times trying to get onto Hwy7, then I had people pass me eventhough I was going 55 (as fast as I dare go in that little car). It was burning hot and there is no AC and I actually try to look nice for church - the Chevette wouldn't let me.
Then I came up to a red traffic light that is on an incline so I panicked and turned on another road to turn around and wait for the light to turn green before I dared the hill.
Little did I notice that I had only put myself on another hill. It took me at least ten times to get up that and I had to wait until there were no cars coming and the light was green before I could disregard the stop sign and swerve onto the road.
I prayed non stop that I wouldn't encounter another red light. I didn't. I thanked God.