overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed by the response I've had concerning my mission trip to Zambia.
Mercifully, I've had only one hateful remark -- the gospel is offensive and I'm sure I'll continue to offend. I offend with or without the gospel, don't I? I'm not sure that is a good thing... Anyway, back on topic.
The love I have been shown by my old church families and my biological family is astounding. My father supported me financially, even though he didn't want me to go. My Aunt Debbie set the record of sending Audi and me $1,000 each. Wow! My grandparents supported a friend of ours who didn't have enough fund money to go and my mom has provided things to sell in the garage sale she's planning and the revenue is going to purchase items for the Zambian children. My Mema and my aunt Susie provided us with names and addresses of extended family and friends, who in response sent us fund money. Because of these people Audi and I raised our total $8000 goal in a very short time period.
Fellowship Church of Russellville sent a large donation and some members did also. FCR also sent out postcards encouraging parents to raise "mission-minded children" by providing items to send with me to give the Zambian children. A few members of Trinity Bible Church in Richardson have supported me financially and are praying for me. Grace Stillwater Church is collecting items from me and today I had emails saying that they have 20 Bibles and a load of toothbrushes and toothpaste already! That's only one day after the request! I praise God for showing me His love and support and I am so thankful for these people who have actively shown me love. Thank you! (and FCR I miss you so so much)

one other thing

I forgot to mention that I passed my certification tests and am now applying for teaching positions. If you think of it, please pray for me. I would really like to get an offer from a school in the next five weeks (before I leave for Africa) because then I wouldn't have to return to my current position and could use that last two weeks of summer to prepare myself to face a group of teenagers. Whew! I'm nervous already!

just thinking

I was in the bathroom (all great thoughts occur in the bathroom, right?) and I was thinking about how much I love my younger sister. I am so thankful for her. She's funny, nice, a godly and genuine woman. But more than that, I have a longer history with her than I do anyone else. I can still remember a few things from when we were younger and I remember that I always knew (even when we didn't get along and when she moved away to A&M and when we didn't like who the other was becoming) that she would always be my favorite. I knew we would grow close again. It really wasn't an option not to. So I thank God for her.

Combine that gift with my most favorite person, Andy, and I have no reason to complain about anything. Who cares that I don't like my job or that my car bumper is falling off? Why should I care when God has given me two wonderful people who I know will always be there to participate in life with me as long as we are alive.

And yes, my sentimentality is mostly because I'm sleepy. I'm a much sweeter person when I'm this tired. But if I'm tired and stressed, well, just stay away, b/c probably only Andy and Audrey can handle me in that case.

ants in my pants

I just drank an energy drink and then used my entire lunch break to get groceries (why?) so I didn't get to eat (again, why?). I'm antsy and anxious.
Whew!
My grandparents (mema and pop) are coming over tonight b/c they are passing through OK. I'm very excited. I miss them a lot. During my growing pain years I would drive over to their house at least every other day even if they weren't home. I feel comfortable around them even when we don't talk. They fed me, listened to me, put up with me without comment - they truly loved me. I cannot wait to be a grannie. I want to be called Graham. I have to have the kids first, I guess, before I can have the grand kids.

rust never sleeps

Andy and I are finding that if you don't use it, you loose it.
I'm forgetting English grammar terms and historical facts.
Andy is a little rusty on bird calls and plants.
I feel dumber now that I'm not in school, but that isn't true. I'm just learning new things, I hope...
I hope I'm spending more time (than I was) focusing on myself. Meaning: my spiritual life, my maturity, and my personality. I want to change and I didn't feel as if I had time or energy to even think about that during graduate school.
Now I'm trying to morph my habits into healthier ones.
So I can finally figure it all out, right? Right?
Nope. But I have more time to think about it. ;)
And, hopefully, hear and obey God. I want those two things more than anything.

isn't it funny

that the times you really don't want to go to Bible study are the times where you leave so happy because you've gone?
I left last night feeling confirmed, refreshed, and befriended. I didn't want to go because I just wanted to stay at home with Andy. It seems like my time with him is more and more precious and I'm (a little illogically) yearning for time with him. But it is so nice to be in this stage of my life -- a stage where I feel comfortable (well more comfortable) around a group of women and a stage where I have women around me who actually seem to like who I really am (blunt, grumpy, loud and silent, unsure and too confident).

Andy will be in the field probably three nights of the week. It'll be wonderful to have him home the other nights, but I don't like to be alone in the evenings.

Well, I'm sending my application to high schools on Monday! Woohoo! I'm hoping for Lincoln, the alternative school in Stillwater. The position there is English/Home Ec (Consumer Science), which sounds like my top two hobbies!

this is my brain on stress

what can I do to get a job?
I'm so tired.
I wonder what I should make for dinner.
I need to scrub the mud of my shoes and get them off the porch.
Will I ever get a teaching job?
If they only knew how badly I wanted one, then I think they'd hire me.
Or would they? What's wrong with me?
It's hot in here.
I wonder if I'm pregnant.
what would that be like?
"Daphne stop it. Get down."
I need to walk the dogs, they don't get enough time.
I want a cinnamon bagel.
I should quit wasting my time -- I need to focus.
My car is dirty.
Crap I spilt food on my shirt again.
I'm so sleepy.
I don't like that shade of yellow.
Why can't I get to the post office?
I'll go to the gym in the morning. I should really go to the gym.
Some ice cream would be nice.
I wonder what Andy is doing.
Jee Whiz I'm tired.

The amazing Barn Owl

You may be thinking, "What is the world is that?"
It's not something the cat dragged in, we hope. It's a baby barn owl.
Or owlet if you want to sound more scientific.
Here are some amazing facts:
These owls don't have as good of eyesight as most other owls so they rely on their hearing, which is enhanced by the disc of feathers around their eyes that act like our ears do -- but better.
Their wings are broader and more rounded than other birds so that they can fly absolutely soundlessly. Why is this important? Well, if they are going to hear the mousie rustling in the grass and if they have super-hero level hearing than they wouldn't be able to hear the mouse below if they heard their wings. Make sense?
Andy and I are watching "The Life of Birds" an amazing (and amazingly long) series about... you guessed it, birds. Lame? NO. Absolutely astounding? YES.

wanting and waiting

I'm still looking for a job that is fulfilling and fun.
I've applied for OSU adjunct positions at both Stillwater and OKC campuses.
I'm taking my resume to the local Dept. of Ed tomorrow and then to other Depts. of surrounding cities.

Andy is beginning his work. He's trained with a PhD student on how to perform part of his research and next week he's going out to the field with his advising professor to check out the plots he'll be working on. Then he begins his research. It's exciting for me to see him be a true scientist and a happy one at that. Well, he's a little grumpy but only because he wants to get started. I understand that feeling! I want to get started on my true work also!

Wilson is growing, but not in brains. Daphne is acting badly lately, which is very unusual, so I'm trying to affirm her more often and if it would quit raining, I'd walk her.

Everything else is great. My flower bed looks nice but my veg garden is still a muddy mass of weeds. Hopefully I can finish it this weekend.

Flannery says we "don't realize how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross" (Jones).

Let's see if this will get you thinking and responding. Tell me what you think.

http://www.credenda.org/issues/18-2thema.php

Who's Afraid of Flannery O'Connor?
Douglas Jones

"Yes, and it takes all kinds to make the world go round," the lady said in her musical voice.

As she said it, the raw-complexioned girl snapped her teeth together. Her lower lip turned downwards and inside out, revealing the pale pink inside her mouth. After a second it rolled back up. It was the ugliest face Mrs. Turpin had ever seen anyone make, and for a moment she was certain that the girl had made it at her. She was looking at her as if she had known and disliked her all her life—all of Mrs. Turpin's life, it seemed too, not just all the girl's life. Why, girl, I don't even know you, Mrs. Turpin said silently.
Whoever thought the Holy Spirit could look like an annoyed girl's face, "blue with acne"? Or a sassy, club-footed boy? A tattoo? Or that Christ could appear as a bull? Or a carnival hermaphrodite?
That sort of list already puts off most Christians from having an interest in O'Connor. It's just all so unnecessary and ugly, they say. It's just more violence and weirdness in a culture already permeated with it.
I've found it terribly difficult to get modern Christians to read O'Connor—even in healthy Christian communities. In my case, too, secular writers first made me sit up and notice O'Connor. They praised her technique and famous opening paragraphs. They lauded her tension and dialogue. Flannery O'Connor won several notable writing awards during her life, even while the secularists didn't really have a clue about her Christian realism.
Flannery O'Connor is easily the most important and talented and self-consciously Christian short story author of the twentieth century. Nobody else is close. I've seen her stories revolutionize people's lives, and yet most Christians have never even heard her name. Sure, many Christian academics and writers sing her praises, especially of late. But we should all know her stories inside and out; they should be easy allusions in conversation; they should be common parables in our teens' mouths. And we need to master her style and absorb her insights before the next generation can build upon her gifts.
Dark and Disruptive Grace
Still, something's odd about selling Flannery to Christians. Even when people know about her superior technique and Christian frames, they still usually choke after a story or two. Too rough. Too troubling. They're not hard to read, they'll admit, but still, there's all that weirdness and death.

None of her stories, though, turns out to be as gruesome as common PG-13 fare. She places most of the ugliness off screen. Her stories do not fit in horror categories at all. Her use of the grotesque and ugly doesn't delight in power or shock value. All her stories focus on grace, grace, grace. That's what they're about. Every one of them. Real people wrestling with bodily grace.
And that's what disturbs many readers. They don't want their grace black. It feels like an alien faith to them, and they resist it. O'Connor herself heard this complaint. In her essay "The Catholic Novelist in the Protestant South," she argued against that pietism typical of Christian readers: "The reader wants his grace warm and binding, not dark and disruptive."
Here's the rub: her stories might be more palatable to modern Christians if she were just writing shock-jock horror stories. Frank Peretti sells, after all. That sort of writing goes down easier because we don't really believe it. It feels like someone else's world. It's alien enough that we're not truly threatened. But O'Connor's world is too close. And if her picture of dark grace is right, then our typical take on life fails.
Since Victorian times, Christians have tended to picture grace as cottony and covered with rubber. Grace always comforts and smoothes our furrowed brows; it always, always wipes away our tears, so sorry for them. We believe God is all-good; He's pretty much a nursery-school attendant, pink and white, who doesn't want anyone to get cut. In fact, we're surprised when people actually bump their heads. Pain seems unnatural to us. It's a no-no, and God is on our side. He never touches the stuff Himself.
In short, we believe deeply that all evil is bad. That's the heart of modern Christian faith. All evil is bad. It permeates our day-to-day lives, our work, our sermons, our struggles, our analysis of disasters. All evil is bad. And if so, then grace has to be Nice. Grace and niceness become interchangeable, and Flannery sees this as a (if not the) chief source of wickedness in the modern world. It's a lie about grace.
All Evil is Not Bad
O'Connor repeats the biblical theme that "grace cuts with the sword Christ said he came to bring." Grace cuts. It hurts; it slices; it makes us bleed. It "is never received warmly. Always a recoil," she says, and her stories show this time and time again.

In fact, Flannery's favorite target tends to be nice, mild, middle class ladies, full of decent and righteous advice. Nice ladies. Elsie Dinsmore all grown up. Yet these women lie about grace all day long. They lie about Christ as they go about trying to make a utopia of niceness. Grace is much more surprising than their Victorian sensibilities could ever imagine.
Some cringe at O'Connor's disposal of these ladies. Flannery famously gets a reader to side with a decent but perhaps slightly flawed lady, and then the story slowly turns grim. We see her smile is grounded in pettiness or deep bitterness. Finally, she has a severe encounter with dark grace. Nice readers close the story quickly and refuse to go on to another. It's as if the reader herself has been roughed up unjustly.
But that's the point. Flannery just reflects Christ's priorities. He was much softer on thieves, prostitutes, and murderers than he was on polite, middle class Pharisees. Christ berates and belittles and promises death-from-heaven for the most decent citizens of Jerusalem. The good, law-abiding Rotarian sorts incense Christ's deepest anger. And, in Flannery's stories, grace hunts them down. All evil is not bad. Some evil comes to shake us out of our sin; some evil comes to liberate us. Some evil is a gift of grace. Grace gnashes.
In Scripture, too, grace often appears evil. Sometimes it comes swooping down in the form of serpents. On the journey to Mount Hor, God's people complained bitterly. Nice middle-class people, not criminals. Yet God's dark grace came in horror story fashion: "The LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and many of the people of Israel died" (Num. 21:6). Imagine standing with that group of believers. Fiery serpents storm your spouse and children. All the screaming. All of grace. Surely fiery serpents were a bit of divine overreaction? God doesn't want to upset anyone does He? No. Wrong God.
Dark grace came to Noah in an ancient tsunami; to Abraham in that mad command to execute; to Isaac in faux hairy arms; to Jacob in a midnight wrestling assault; to Joseph in a deep pit; to Moses, that "bridegroom of blood," at a peaceful motel. (O'Connor herself never even approaches the level of relentless dark grace the Lord plays out in the book of Job; she's a softy when set next to that story.) The list goes on. O'Connor observes, "evil is not simply a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be endured."
Go through and count up all the dark grace that nice people face in Scripture. Right from God's throne. All evil is not bad. It's heavenly. It jolts our stories in surprising ways. It brings health. It reveals the glorious danger deep inside the Godhead.
Flannery says we "don't realize how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross." The cross. Yes. The darkest grace. Right at the center. All evil is not bad.
O'Connor summarizes this at the end of her essay, "The Fiction Writer and His Country," where she explains, "St. Cyril of Jerusalem, in instructing catechumens, wrote: `The dragon sits by the side of the road, watching those who pass. Beware lest he devour you. We go to the Father of Souls, but it is necessary to pass by the dragon.' No matter what form the dragon may take, it is of this mysterious passage past him, or into his jaws, that stories of any depth will always be concerned to tell."
Comic Core
And yet O'Connor does not think the story of life plays out as a tragedy. Cyril's dragon isn't in control. In a letter, Flannery noted, "Naw, I don't think life is a tragedy. Tragedy is something that can be explained by the professors. Life is the will of God and this cannot be defined by the professors; for which all thanksgiving." She grounds dark grace in laughter, cosmic laughter springing from the triumph of the Trinity. In our trinitarian world, the devil is always a stooge, always something of a fool tricked by Father, Son, and Spirit. O'Connor's stories are full of "devils," and she notes, "the Devil can always be a subject for my kind of comedy one way or another. I suppose this is because he is always accomplishing ends other than his own." He's always the straight man, always used for a deeper end. But this sort of comic world, too, unnerves some Christians; it's too unserious for them, too unpredictable.

Readers of Flannery's letters note her easy humor and wit; her letters reveal someone who laughs and makes others laugh easily. Explicit comic elements show up in every one of her stories. She takes particular delight in satirizing modern academic secularists, but no story passes without irony and great comic lines. Yet her comedy goes even deeper.
Writing teachers regularly note that if the writer doesn't love a character then the reader won't be able to either. It's an intangible of writing. Line up Flannery's worst protagonists and villains, and when you step back from her treatment, you realize she loves them all dearly, the serial killers and the pharisees. This is really quite an amazing feat. You can see this in contrast to someone like Walker Percy, another Catholic writer often compared to O'Connor. In Percy's Lancelot, for example, there's no doubt that Percy loathes his protagonist from beginning to end, and the reader can't help coming away with the same dragging disdain. In some ways that's too easy for a writer.
Flannery did not loathe herself or her life, and so when she identified with her characters, her sympathy for them showed up easily. She casually noted that her stories "lack bitterness," something unfathomable to those who read her too quickly. She once wrote to a friend about her characters, "Hulga is like me. So is Nelson, so is Haze, so is Enoch." Her sympathy for herself in them shows clearly. All of her characters show signs of being loved. In this way, Flannery's writing again imitates divine love for the ugly and self-righteous. This is the gospel: "While we were yet sinners. . ."
On top of this, when you read a group of her stories, a pretty amazing pattern emerges. You soon realize how her visitations of dark grace stand out as huge gifts when compared to actual life. Most people's actual lives seem to be Flannery characters who never have the privilege of meeting dark grace. Think of the people around you. Think of the secularists. Most go on for decades in their self-deception and self-righteousness and pettiness until their bitterness just grinds to a close at the end. No revolutions. The majority of people have always seemed to live tedious, small lives. But in Flannery's world, it's as if dark grace intrudes regularly. People who would have probably been handed over to let their sin slowly destroy them get this amazing explosion of grace that turns them inside out. Because of this, her stories start to read like gift after gift after gift. You start to long for more dark grace in actual life since it produces such wonderful turns of redemption. It's as if Flannery's stories are a photo album or a hall of fame of great moments in surprising grace, a pattern so far from do-the-dishes life. Maybe we have not because we ask not.
Don't be afraid of Flannery. Let her mess with your head. Let her disturb you. As she observed, "all human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful." She's not the first or the last word, but she has an amazing grasp of Christian drama, and it's hard to see how contemporary Christian culture can mature without having her stories or others like them very deep in its bones. Let her show you how surprising grace is, how dark and healthy it can be, what a gift it is. Let the ugly girl in the waiting room turn her lip inside out again, let her make a loud noise through her teeth, let her fingers clamp onto the soft flesh of your neck.

The Secret = load of crap

Do not buy this book. It's complete farce.
The author states that if you imagine yourself at your "perfect" body weight than you will become your perfect body weight.
Just like when I think happy thoughts I can fly.
I don't feel fat. When I look in the mirror, I'm continually shocked that I look as pudgy as I do. I am clinically overwieght and no amount of brain power is going to get me back to my healthy body weight. If it could, I would be thinner.
My advice is the same as Queen's: "Get on your bikes and ride!"

names

no I'm not pregnant. I just process a lot of paperwork and see a lot of names so I think about what names I like a lot.
Let's see what you think. They are in the order that I like them.

Boys:
Asher -- blessed, happy.
Nathaniel -- gift of God.

Girls:
Elena -- bright light.
Maegan -- little pearl or gentle.
Elise -- consecrated to God.
Amie -- beloved.
Alice -- truth or noble.

"Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips" (Psalm 141:3).

I posted this article from Credenda Agenda b/c I had a problem with slandering this week, and I thought it was a well written article.

The Piercings of a Sword
Nancy Wilson

Proverbs is full of insight and observations about the power and effects of the tongue. The tongue can either be a wellspring of life, or it can be the source of much grief: "There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health" (Proverbs 12:18). Backbiting, criticism, cattiness, tattling, and being a busybody are all ways of stirring up mischief with the tongue. It is not surprising that the terms we use for this are backstabbing or backbiting. Words are used as a weapon by those who don't mind fighting dirty, shooting, stabbing, and biting behind the back. This is like the piercings of a sword: it inflicts pain and does real damage.

In Psalm 15, the psalmist asks, "Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in thy holy hill?" The answer given in verses 2 and 3 includes, "He that. . . speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue. . . nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour."
God takes the evil tongue very seriously. He doesn't want any backbiters in His tabernacle; He will not have them on His holy hill. The contrast in these verses is between the one who speaks the truth in his heart and the one who takes up a reproach against his neighbor. If you speak the truth in your heart, you are less likely to take up a reproach. And once you have taken up a reproach, backbiting will come next.
What is backbiting? It is spreading slander with the desire to hurt, annoy, humiliate, or damage someone's reputation. It is spiteful, malicious, and false. The young widows in I Timothy 5 don't have enough to do, and so they start wandering from house to house and "speaking things which they ought not." They are talking too much about other people's affairs. This kind of careless speaking usually puts a spin on the real story, embellishing, exaggerating, attributing motives, complaining, and just plain making stuff up. And the truth is, God hates it.
Not only are the young widows singled out regarding their tongues, but deacons' wives in 1 Timothy 3 must not be slanderers, and the older women who are qualified to teach the younger women in Titus 2 must not be false accusers. It seems pretty clear that Scripture requires women of all ages and all callings to be very careful with their conversation. Sinning with the tongue can be the means for "the adversary to speak reproachfully" (1 Tim. 5:14); it can disqualify a husband for the office of deacon; and it can prevent the older women from teaching the younger women. In other words, it is a hindrance to the health and productivity of the church.
There is much provocation in this world; we all have many temptations to take up a reproach and a grievance. People sin and they do it all the time. While there is much need to extend forgiveness and put on tender mercies, it is far easier to be offended, annoyed, and hurt. And if we allow the annoyance to take root, it turns into bitterness overnight. Once the grievance takes root in the heart, out of the mouth comes the nasty fruit of backbiting, slander, and even lies: all piercings of a sword.
Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:24). Once it has come out of the mouth, it betrays the contents of the heart. If a reproach resides in the heart, backbitings will shoot out the lips, and there is no way to assess all the damage done. Repentance has to begin with an acknowledgment of the bad heart attitude; then restitution has to be made for the careless words.
Women in the church are called to be standing in their duties: praying, rejoicing, worshiping, loving, forgiving. Women are to adorn themselves with good works (1 Tim. 2:10), and God has given them many resources to enable them to be helpers in the gospel, supporting and comforting, bestowing and sacrificing, all which then builds the church community up into a beautiful building. It is the foolish women (Prov. 4:1) who tear the place down with their own hands and their own mouths.
But "the tongue of the wise is health." Proverbs describes the mouth, lips, and tongue of the righteous as a well of life, as choice silver, as feeding many, as bringing forth wisdom, and as sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Women have an obligation to use their lips to build up and not to tear down, to feed rather than poison, and to make healthy rather than wound. This has a huge impact on the home, the church, and the community. When women refuse to participate in backbiting and careless criticism, it preserves the unity and health of the church. But when they criticize and complain, it causes division and factions that tear down and destroy.
Ask yourself a few questions about your own record of tongue behavior: Does your husband receive food, wisdom, sweetness, and health from you? Do your parents? Your children? Do your elders and your pastor rejoice to have such a wise woman in the congregation? Are you quick to see and point out the faults of others? Do you speak carelessly or uncharitably? Are you quick to listen to reproaches, believe them, and pass them on to others? What is the tone in your home? Are you tearing people down or building them up?
We need a guard on duty all the time to keep us from unwise, careless words. Psalm 141:3 asks God to be this guard: "Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips." This is the attitude we must adopt if we want to be done with careless, destructive words.

Locks of Love

My friend Tran donated her long beautiful hair to the above organization (in support of Keira -- see the site link to the right for Keira's and Tran's sites). If I can get my hair the minimum 10" length than I will too and I want to encourage you ladies to do the same. Especially if you are planning on cutting your hair short for summer anyway. http://locksoflove.org/donate.html

a few misc. things

I had a good birthday. Andy took me out to dinner and we had steak fajitas. And he gave me the two things I wanted the most: the new Diana Wynne Jones book and an OXO Pastry Scraper, which I've wanted for a long time. I ended up cutting my thumb with it while washing dishes, but that just shows its superior quality b/c it has such a fine edge. And I bought myself two extremely high quality cake pans. Overall, the birthday blues stayed at bay.

My health check-up proved profitable. I am not crazy. Woohoo! The doc said I was moderately depressed (which I knew, people get depressed when they move)and he said I have a little genetic condition of low good cholesterol (there is good and bad cholesterol, my bad c levels were perfectly fine) and high triglycerides. Apparently, my Papa (maternal grandfather) has the same thing -- but it isn't harmful, apparently, if you stay at a healthy body weight. Which mean, I have to loose some weight, which I already knew, but now I have a concrete reason which I hope will motivate me to stop myself from overeating. And I need to go to the gym, b/c then I can eat more. ha. ha. I wish everyone could have seen the doctor's face as he was trying to gently tell me that I needed to loose weight. As if I would start crying or something. It was hilarious.

I know something about love

The title I stole from someone else's post b/c I think I know more about love than she.

The reason, or at least the most concrete reason, that I know that God is loving is my husband -- the amazing fact that he wanted me, married me, and still loves me. Whenever I doubt God's love for me, God reminds me of the man who amazingly belongs to me as I belong to him.

Saturday

I'm taking my certification tests this Saturday, so if you think of it please pray for me. I'm sure I'll pass, but I fell asleep during the SATs, which was a long time ago, but I haven't changed much in that area.

Andy is going on an awesome birding field trip so the pups and I will sit on the floor and watch movies.

I applied for a different position at OSU and I'm hoping I'll get it, but I don't know if I will. Perhaps I'll teach... I wish I knew what I was going to be allowed to do. I think I know now what I want to do, but being hired... weeeeell.

And I'm finally getting a physical Friday which will prove one of two things:
1. I'm crazy b/c there isn't anything wrong with me at all, except that I don't exercise enough.
OR
2. I'm crazy b/c something is wrong with my brain or chemicals or hormones or whatever.

map of Zambia

yet another amusing Onion article

Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About Silas Marner

God rocks!

My fund money is completly raised! I can't wait to get a break from work to write all about it!
This is true: "Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24).

donations

Audrey and I have almost met our goal! We're only lacking 392.50 out of $8,000!
God is amazing! Some of the donations were from people we don't personally know and I had one donation from a girl I went to high school with (I haven't talked to her in at least 10 years)! Isn't that amazing?
I am overwhelmed with the support we have been given for this trip. Even our father, who doesn't really want us to go, supports us.

If you would still like to give money donations follow the instructions on an earlier blog to post online or you can mail your checks -- I'll send you the address if you want to do this.

I'll let everyone know when we have 100% of our goal.
After all of this giving I'm going to ask for even more. I ask that you would either make a donation to the Tree of Life school that is being built for the Zambian orphans. SEE: http://www.legacymissions.org/treeoflife.htm
Or collect non-monetary items for us to take over to Zambia.
The Missions is mainly asking for: tennis shoes, socks, Bibles, crayons and pencils, medicine, fleece blankets, children's clothes in good condition, Christian books, tapes, or CDs.
Audrey and I are going to buy some of these things in bulk for wholesale so if you would rather give us money to get these things than getting them yourself please let us know.
I am coming to Russellville asap, which will probably be a weekend in late May or early June.
I will be in Dallas again May 5-6th.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.

On TV Tonight

Don't Miss Tonight...

ABC Nightline Report on Zambia

This report is part of a series entitled "Key to the World" by reporter Bill Weir. It will air on ABC at 10:35 p.m. central time.

The report will discuss current challenges in Zambia -- such as the infant mortality rate. To learn more you can also visit ABC's website: http://abcnews.go.com/search?searchtext=Zambia&type=feature

The picture was taken at last year's Camp Life.

New Wilson pics

He's still confined to the kitchen (poor boy) but I sit in the kitchen and play with him, which is what we're doing in the above pictures... until he fell asleep. His ears are not normally like this. I think the flash of the camera scared him a little (he's not nearly as brave as old Daphers).

donations for Zambia

Hello everyone!
Legacy Missions has made donating online possible. So if you would still like to donate, the deadline is fast approaching and I still need about $900. But think -- that means I have been given and have raised $3100! That's amazing!
Here's the website:
https://app.etapestry.com/hosted/FamilyLegacyMissionsInterna/OnlineDonation.html
Click on "support a short time missionary" and type in my name.
Thank you everyone for helping me get so close to my goal! God bless you!

slimming down

I've decided to quit blogging as much for awhile. I'll keep up this site in order to post pics (and videos I hope!) and to write George Family Updates. But I don't think I'll post as much any longer (this doesn't mean that I won't post, it simply means that there may be periods where I don't get to it). I'd rather focus my time with people face-to-face (but, of course, if I can't see your face too often we could write or talk).

on borrowing fantasy novels

So – a coworker gave me a fantasy book to read. I do like it when others give me books, but I don’t like it when they ask me what I think about it. Because, I’m let down. I explained to this guy how it wasn’t a great piece of fantasy, but that it was neat because it was a frame story and it followed the American tradition that Oz began: a beautiful girl, three men with very different traits, and a furry animal. In this case the furry animal is a wolf. Think of Star Wars… that’s the other best known work that follows this tradition. So that made the book cool to me, otherwise, it wasn’t all that gripping or fascinating. I could see where the story was going too easily, which is a problem I have with most fantasy writers. I like to be kept on my toes. Terry Pratchett and Philip Pullman do an excellent job of this. The only other fantasy series that isn’t written by an author who is as fantastic as Pullman that is worth reading (sorry for the convoluted phrasing) is the one about Harpo. If I can remember that series name, I’ll tell you. And, it’s a crying shame that the most gripping fantasy author writes NC-17 novels (his children’s novels are G-rated but unfortunately they aren’t as imaginative).

freedom from food

Last night I had a breakthrough, or I guess, God had a breakthrough with me. I realized (obviously) that I was gaining 10 lbs a year since I got married four years ago. “Why since you were married?” you ask. Well, I could give the pat answer that everyone gains weight when they get married, but that isn’t true. Most “everyone” and “always” statements aren’t true. I realized that when I married, we, of course, moved away from all our friends and family. This combined with the inevitable let-down of “oh, I married a fallen human like me” made me feel lonely and depressed. So, with my past of medicating my loneliness and depression with things, I think that I tried to medicate myself food, because food wasn’t sinful and you have to eat right? You’ve heard it all before from others, I’m sure. Okay, so, food isn’t sinful or bad, but my lust and obsession with it is. (Graduate school and the huge amount of stress that followed simply aggravated my problem to the point that I began to notice it.) Eating past the natural mechanism of my body recognizing fullness is bad. God created that mechanism to keep everyone at a healthy weight and I think it is something we should obey instead of being slaves to our stress or emotional problems. God doesn’t want us to be slaves to anything – He came to set us free! So I’m thrilled that finally I’ve realize that I’ve made food (and therefore myself) and idol and that I need to tear that idol down. I’m praying that God shows me the difference between stomach hunger and emotional hunger. I’m praying that God helps me listen to my “fullness mechanism” and obey it. I’m thanking God for setting me free from yet another master. I will not gain another ten pounds feeding my feelings.

Golden Compass Movie!

I know that this isn't very important, but I'm excited b/c it is one of my top five favorite books. Check out the website for a picture of Iorek, my favorite character! http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/
Here are some stills (the little girl is Lyra and Nicole Kidman is the evil Mrs. Coulter (she'll be great!):




Oh I love that look! She's thinking, "I'm going to do what is right, not what you say."

neat new mag

The Hills gave me a copy of this magazine. I loved it! And, sadly, I misplaced it at work today. So I found it online instead. I love the internet sometimes.
Check it out:http://www.credenda.org/

check out my awesome dad!

He's also on this website:http://www.huntinfo.com/etom/
This is his best deer ever; he was very excited, as he should be and I'm proud of him!

donations

Thank you so much everyone who has sent me donations! I'm floored whenever I get the report and I feel so loved! Thank you, thank you for supporting me. I promise I'll make my time in Zambia as worthwhile as possible through prayer, effort, and God's grace.

last night

I had dinner with three women from my new church last night.
The dinner itself was excellent -- I love eating with older women who have much more cooking experience than I do.
I'm going to see if I can recreate the dish.
A bag of pasta (cooked), 1/3 c olive oil, some amount of red wine vinegar.
two chopped red bell peppers, handful of basil, a bag of fresh spinach, a few roma tomatoes chopped, a small bag of fresh sugar snap peas, half of a purple onion diced, zest of one lime, about twenty calamata olives chopped, and about 1/4-1/2 cup grated parmesan. I added more cheese on mine of course. Oh yeah, and prosciutto also, sliced thinly.
We boiled the pasta and then put the peas in the water for one minute. Then we drained it and tossed it in a bowl with the oil, vinegar, and spinach leaves (to wilt them a little). Then we added everything else and tossed. It really is delicious.
The conversation was also wonderful to me, not that we talked about anything spectacular, but it was consistent and varied and I need time with women -- especially women like them. So, I had a good time.

update

I'm so ashamed. I said I was having a crap day; I am not having a crap day.

Keira Bowman, my friend's 11mo old daughter, is not doing as well as the parents had thought/hoped. Her cancer has spread to her bones. Please continue to pray. More tests are being scheduled; if you want dates or specific information her blog link is at the right under links.

yesterday cont.

Today has been a crap day. I haven't had one in awhile so it shocked me a little.

I feel tired all the time; I know it's probably because I haven't exercised very much since we've moved here. Hopefully I'll get my toosh out of bed tomorrow and start my routine again.

Playing at the Hill's house was enjoyable. They are a neat couple, they are in their mid to late forties and their oldest son played solo electric guitar with us. I really enjoyed it because I got to sing lead and I usually prefer to do that, unless the song is pitched too high. Andy played the drums and had a blast because he was able to play harder than I allow him to in the house. I start screaming when he plays too loud and then the dogs bark and it just gets louder and louder in the house. It's a silly situation. Oh and the Hills are both English teachers, which of course, is the coolest.

Wilson is finally beginning to be potty trained. But... he's already grown three times the size he was at 8 weeks. I think he'll be a big boy.

I worked in the yard last weekend and I love that first weekend outside doing yardwork. I planted flowers in the beds and in some pots and next Sat I'm hoping to till the garden and plant my herbs and veggies.

I'm taking my certification test on the 21st... I really really hope that I can find a position somewhere.

Little Willie, Psalm 19, other things

"The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart...
More to be desired aare they than gold, even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover by them is thy servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward" (Psalm 19:8-11).

I was writing -- but I just spilt my coffee all over me, so I'll write more later...

inspirtation and qtd. in Piper

I like nice things. I drool over Pottery Barn catalogs and me eyes feast on expensive homes. But that's not who I want to be; not how I want to live.

One page in the Piper book I'm reading made me feel that I am moving from the person who wants those things but gives them up for a greater purpose to a person who does not desire those things. Those desires don't have room in my head/heart when I focus on loving others and, more specifically, on my trip to Africa. Because I know how much I admire beautiful homes and the things in them I can say that this change in me could only be a divine change. I've never been able to change myself, particularly the bad parts... they always pop back up again when I try.

Let the goods and kindred go,
This mortal life also;
The body they may kill;
God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.

Martin Luther

yup

I'm reading a wonderful book titled "Desiring God." I'll tell ya'll all about it tonight. Unless Andy decides to take me on a hot date, but that's not likely b/c he stayed up late last night (I think he forgot his good study skills over the Christmas break) studying for an exam and we have to get up early to play music with the Hills. Who are they? Well, I'll tell you all about that too -- later.
I'm still fundraising for Africa. So, if you did feel lead to donate money then please do so soon. If you felt lead to donate other items I'll pick them up as soon as I'm able, you have until I leave July 5th to gather those. Thank you to all!
For everyone who is praying for my friends' baby, Keira, I'll let you know when the parents blog more about her.
Have a fantastic weekend. ;)
Oh yeah, and I went to see Man of La Mancha (loosely about Cervantes/Don Quixote)last Sunday -- Sancho was absolutely wonderful!

what do you do with weekends when you're all grown up?

So I don't have to study on Saturdays any longer. It's weird! Not that I actually studied, but I spent my day specifically finding things to do other than studying... like watch Andy study or bake or garden or something. Now that I don't have to avoid my work I'm not sure what I want to do.
Mostly I suppose weekends are simply a break from the day-to-day grind of the workweek. But if you love your job would you still need the break? I don't know. I don't love my job. It's a pretty good job and I'm thankful for it, though, don't get me wrong. But I do work in a cubicle and I do work for some people who ask me to do silly things or things that I think they should do themselves. I know this is a problem of mine, I complain about it at every position I've held where I'm not left to manage myself. But seriously, it seems to me that people enjoy being at the top so they may boss around others. Notice I said boss rather than manage. When my supervisor makes sure that we're all doing something and it's not the same thing (so that the work isn't done twice) that's management. When a person comes to you asking you to make copies when they are standing next to the copier, that's bossing. Or when a person chides you for making friendly conversation (really - why do people want the worker bees not to like each other, not to speak, not to be humans, but robots) and then walks down the hall to schmooze with the brass -- that's bossing, and it makes me furious. And I'm so hot headed and so prideful (I know it's wrong, I'm working on being humble) that I'm afraid I'm going to say something that will get me fired. Andy reminds me that working, which includes working at positions I don't enjoy, is for the goal of paying student loans, which will enable us to buy a home and save, which will enable us to start our family, which is my biggest hope and dream. That's all very comforting and wonderful for him to tell me, but I'm impatient. So yeah, I'm praying for patience and a humble heart.
Back to the Saturday. Well, I have a few projects and I suppose I'll go do them now, when I would prefer to say in my jammies and read a book. Staying in my jammies isn't bad, but I suppose I can't let my chores wait forever -- then they pile up and it is harder to deal with them.
I hope you have a wonderful Saturday.

A C. S. Lewis quote I love

"Nature never taught me that there exists a God of glory and of infinite majesty. I had to learn that other ways. but nature gave the word glory a meaning for me. I still do not know where else I could have found one. I do not see how the "fear" of God could have ever meant to me anything but the lowest prudential efforts to be safe, if I had never seen certain ominous ravines and unapproachable crags."

sorry for the absence

I've been too tired to bother with the computer after I've spent all day on it at work and after I have made dinner and supervised Wilson. Wilson is a very serious pup and I love him for that, but I'm not sure that he is as smart as Daphne. She was quickly potty trained and knows more tricks that any other non-show-dog that I've met since we've owned her. Yes, she's crazy when she meets new people, but at least she obeys in every other instance. Wilson, however, is a sweetie and isn't very hyper, but he still pees on the floor and chews random things and therefore must be constantly monitered.

I'm only going to type one more thing and it's for the ladies:
I just finished a book about makeup and skincare that my mother-in-law found for me at a thrift store (I had mentioned that I wanted to read it) so it was, of course outdated, by 10 years. However, the information on skincare was revoluntionary to me. I've been to various dermatologists since I was 13 and I have never made a significant impact on my acne. Taking antibotics worked for a good while to lessen the problem, but it renders oral contraceptives ineffective, and since I can't convince Andy to let me have children, I can't use those pills. Anyway. I spent a lot of money (and you know how I don't like to spend money on anything but food and clearance Pottery Barn items) on skincare products trying to find something that worked. Well, after 12 years of that I've realized nothing will cure my acne (except perhaps Accutane and that's not an option right now) and most things will hardly manage it. So why use products, who promise to "zap" my zits, that irritate my skin, which causes more acne? Well, I'm not doing that anylonger. Here's what the book's author suggested and what I'm doing -- I promise you it is an excellent alternative and it is CHEAP!
Every night (I should do it in the morning too, but I'm too sleepy) I scrub my face and neck (b/c I break out there too) with 2 tsp of baking soda mixed with 2 tsps Cetaphil face wash (the store brand, Equate, is only $3 a bottle, while the Cetaphil is $9). I mix these in my palm. I rinse well b/c baking soda sometimes collects behind my ears or in my hairline. Then I use a gentle astringent (no alcohol) and wait a few mintues. Then with a cotton ball I apply hydorgen peroxide, which is CHEAP and a very effective disinfectant and it also bleaches your blackheads, which makes them less obvious. Benzoyl peroxide is what most acne products use to disinfect, but it makes my skin peel, which causes more acne -- and it isn't nearly as cheap as the hydrogen peroxide. You pay what - at least $3, more like $5, for a small bottle of it when you can buy a huge (and I mean huge) bottle of 3% hydrogen peroxide for less than a dollar. It works and it is fantastically frugal. In the summer, when my skin is oilier, I'll also use a mask of Milk of Magnesia, which is a disinfectant and absorbs oil, instead of spending money on a face mask that overly dries and is more expensive.

My skin isn't irritated at all, it is very smooth, it isn't dried out from the products I use, and my acne is slightly lessened b/c I don't have the extra acne caused by the irritation and flaky skin. And I'm not spending money on scrubs, lotions, acne creams, or fancy face washes. The author also suggests using Rentin-A if you have a perscription and if your skin can handle it (mine couldn't--it was too strong of a perscription; I might try a lesser concentration of it) or something with a high percentage of alpha hydroxy acids, say at least 8%. When I find a good product I'll let you know.

I no longer use anything with the following:
alcohol, camphor, salicylic acid, methol, clove oil, witch hazel, eucalyptus oil, lanolin oil, really any unnecessary oils, benzoyl peroxide, sodium tallowate (causes blackheads), salt (yes there is salt in some of the skin products available), any preservatives, any peeling agents, any waxes or thickeners, formaldehyde, beeswax, and now my list is getting too long. I also try to stay away from detergents and fragrances b/c they can be irritating and they are unnecessary.

Well, now that I've preached to you, I hope you'll at least try it. Really, why not try something that is easier on your skin and costs less? The object for good skin care is to take care of it, not irritate it. And you can't remove more layers of skin (why would you want to?) by scrubbing harder or using more intensive scrubs or peels. The top dead layer of skin is all you should remove and the baking soda and Cetaphil mix does just that.

Welcoming Wilson

We now have another pup, Wilson, who is 8 weeks old. I'll post more about him soon.

my letter to you

I am mailing this letter to many of you, but I'm posting it for those who aren't getting a letter (I ran out of envelopes and flyers!).

Hello friends and family:

I hope that you and your families are doing well. Andy and I are enjoying Stillwater very much, although we do miss our biological families and our spiritual family in Russellville. We’re working toward being an integral part of a local church body. For us, being the “new” people is extremely uncomfortable. I may seem bold to some of you but it is only me overcompensating for my shyness. I don’t want to be shy; I want to reach out to people in order to love them. Not only am I actively trying to reach (out of myself) out to people in Stillwater, I am also planning to love others through a short-term mission trip.

If I could choose a place to minister to others, outside of the town God has placed me in, I would choose Africa. That’s why when my sister, Audrey, asked me if I would serve there I instantly and wholeheartedly agreed. I believe God has been shaping me for this trip. I’ve never been on a missions trip and I have (through Geography classes, through literature, and through those wonderful educational television programs) felt a longing to do something for the hurting people in Africa. I didn’t know what I could do – nothing seems like enough. But, God placed in me an intense love for children (for playing games with them, for affirming them, for talking with them, and for picking them up to give them hugs) and I believe that loving the group of children that God assigns to me will have a lasting and beneficial impact.

The organization I am going with is Family Legacy Missions International and I am planning to serve for two weeks this July at a camp designed solely for Zambian orphans. Most of these children have lost their families to AIDS. You may be familiar with the dire situations in Africa, but I would like to give detailed information for you about the area in which I’ll be working. Eighty percent of the population in Zambia live on less than one dollar a day. Zambia has the eleventh highest death rate and the seventh highest AIDS infection rate in the world. Over one million children are orphans; fifty percent of the country is under the age of sixteen and fifty percent of the children are so malnourished that their growth has been stunted. If an orphan does not have older siblings, grandparents, or other family members to take care of them (which would be difficult with the rampant poverty) they are likely to be lost to the streets.
I shared this information with you so that you could see the intensely stressful conditions that these children live with and so you could see how much they need someone to give them love and hope. You can also see how much I’ll need, and the children I’ll be ministering to will need, your prayers. With the Holy Spirit, I hope to love them with God’s deep love, not simply with my own pity for their position and my affection for small children. I also hope to give them God’s peace and the hope I have in heaven and in knowing that this life’s struggles are temporary.

I’m sure you can tell where this letter is going. I’m going to ask you for something now. First I’m asking for prayer. I need prayer for the children as I explained above. Also, I need prayer for safety, for enthusiasm, and for God to work through me here in Stillwater in preparation and when I’m in Zambia. I want to make the most of my time there and I need help to know how to serve the children who do not know English or who are only beginning to learn it. I also need help with the trip costs and with other non-monetary donations. Please do not feel obligated to send me money — God will make sure that the funds will be raised if He wants me to go to Africa.

I am hoping to raise $4,000, which will pay for my airfare and accommodations and will pay for fifty children to attend the camp. If you want to contribute financially, please mail a check to Family Legacy Missions International, 5005 West Royal Lane, Suite 252, Irving, TX 75063, and write my name in the memo line. If you would like to donate something else, there is a list attached of common items (many of which I’ve collected from my own home) that the Mission sends to Zambia. You can either collect the donations and I’ll pick them up or you can mail them to the address on the donation list. I will be making a trip to Russellville, probably in the late spring, so if you would like to help I’m taking several suitcases hopefully stuffed full of needed items.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Know that in receiving this letter I count you as my friend. Please, let me know how I may serve you.

"I can't afford to pay for most of what I say..." Derek Webb on "Mockingbird"

I'm experiencing something different lately. I'm not in school. That's strange. I've only had one summer off from school since 2000 and that was the summer I was married, 2003.
I took a short break from reading fiction.
I've been thinking a lot more about who I am and I'm feeling empty but also closer to God. My closeness or intimacy with God never changes for Him, but I'm prone to retreating into myself. I'm a little secretive and that isn't healthy sometimes.

I'm enjoying my job still. I'm learning more about the people I work with (as Andy said they are a motley crew) and realizing that I like people more the more I get to know them. This reassures me because most of the time I feel as if I'm alien to all other people besides perhaps Andy and Audrey (and not even them all the time, of course). I'm feeling very thankful for the people in my life. For the family who truly love me and the people who befriend me. For the people who God has placed in my path at each new home Andy takes me to.

I hope everyone is blessed with someone (a brother, a sister, a niece, a spouse) who loves them and supports them. If you're reading this and you don't have anyone, I'll be your friend. I don't have too many anyway. If you're reading this and you don't have anyone to call when you're upset, call me. I'm being mushy. I'll stop now.

Daphne is over her hives. We're a little perplexed about the whole ordeal, but we're also just glad they are gone.

sleepy sunday

We visited Grace Stillwater Church again and I think we'll probably attend it. (We almost missed it because we slept so late, and then this afternoon we had a nap -- I can't believe we slept so much.) We went to a pot-luck lunch and we were both very nervous, but we leached ourselves to an older couple who were nice enough to eat with us. We felt awkward but we still really enjoy the format of the service. I was able to worship this morning during the music and I haven't genuinely done that in awhile. I've been thinking a lot about my letter for requesting prayer and donations for my trip to Africa. So know when you receive it, that I spent a lot of time in thought.

I'm enjoying my job. I realized Friday as I walked to my car that I enjoy it so much because it differs so much from my previous employment. It is not vague in any way. The procedures are mandated by federal law and there is a word document describing in detail every step of every process I have to perform. And if I have a question, I ask Matt, my supervisor, who is a nice guy and an active Christian and a reader and a tea drinker and a peppermint patty eater. Soon he'll be able to stop training me, I hope, so I can sit in my little cubicle. Something strange I notice is that no one (and I mean no one) checks their email, shops on eBay, or talks on their cell phone in the office. And they work promptly at eight all the way until five. They are all punctual from breaks and lunches. It is amazing. I feel productive just standing next to these robots. And I'm pleased when I perform to their standards and I enjoy the lack of laxness -- probably only because I had too much of it in my previous position. So yeah, I like it. Now my tutoring... I don't like it as much. I would like to quit but I can't because I need the reference and I don't know if they have anyone to take over my students. So I'll stay and hope that the students actually do their homework before they come to me.

Daphne has been a little sick lately. She had an allergic reaction to something (probably a plant in the yard she's been chomping on) but we didn't know that the bumps all over her were hives so we took her to the vet and spent a little fortune. But, as I told Andy, at least we now know what hives look like and we can just give her an anti-histamine (s/p?) in the future. So, I better go home and make sure she's not vomiting anylonger. Gross, I know.

new news and fun game

Andy sent me this website; it's a bird quiz.
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/AllAboutBirds/birding123/identify/allaboutbirds_quiz

And I finally got a full-time job. I'll be working in the financial aid department at OSU, which is good because I get a free gym and free insurance and hopefully there will be a few classes that I'll want to take -- for free. Thank you for your prayers!

Correction: I can't take classes for free, I assumed they would be at OSU since they were at TECH. But I suppose the school is too large to support the entire staff in that way. I get a discount though and that is a blessing.

The best Onion article ever

I've posted this on Myspace, but I wanted to share it with you who don't waste your time on Myspace.

Girl Moved To Tears By Of Mice And Men Cliffs Notes

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—A visibly shaken Grace Weaver said she never wanted the synopsis to end.

church-shopping and misc.

Today we visited a PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) church called Grace Stillwater. http://www.gracestillwater.org/shell.php?content=home
Andy and I were impressed with the authenticity of the service. The layout of the service, especially the confession of sins part, was enjoyable because it was very planned and structured. If you know Andy and me, than you know that we prefer a worship time that is not focused on how we feel. I believe you should bring your burdens and joys to worship, but the service itself should be structured and more focused on truths than emotions. I enjoyed the confessions of sins part because it seems to me that this is a vital part of worship, a part that is often forgotten, and it gets forgetful people like me in the habit of confessing. So, if I confess each week at worship, I'm more likely to confess during the week. As I become more comfortable with coming to the Lord in confession, I'll hopefully confess directly after sinning, which would be an active part in obtaining purity, which is something this PCA church attempts to accomplish. We're going to return next week and see what we think. We don't like to church-shop, but we want to make sure this church is a good fit for us.

I had an interview Friday. I'm not sure if I'll be offered the position or if I should take it. I need some direction.

I've been cooking up a storm since I've been unemployed. I finally made fried catfish correctly and it was wonderful! This was my third attempt at catfish (once fried in a pan, once deep fried) and this time I bought fresh rather than frozen and I soaked it in leftover buttermilk that I wanted to get rid of. It was very good, but my tartar sauce was gross. But tartar sauce is gross anyway, so I'm really not a judge.

Andy and I are watching the "Band of Brothers" series. He's asked me to watch them for several years and I was tired of him asking. I like (not really a good word for this emotion, perhaps I'm simply interested) but do not enjoy war movies -- especially documentary ones. I don't like remembering what people are capable of and what people have suffered. But, it is an excellent video series and I do recommend it. I wouldn't purchase it or anything, b/c I don't see why you'd want to watch it more than once.
We recently went to see "Children of Men," which I also highly recommend. It was filmed well because it set the tone of the movie so well and because the background (rather than only the foreground) was interesting. Andy and I noted several times during the movie that our attention was on the background and the progression of the scenes. It was easier to watch (even though it is more violent that "Band of Brothers") because it is fiction and only raises the issues of human depravity and extreme heroism rather than showing true examples of it. The is worth watching because it helped me remember (as do the B of B) that things like this (meaning the events in the movie) have happened, are happening, and will happen. This is a beneficial emotion because it makes me want to help those who hurt or need and because it reminds me to value all human life and all of God's creations. And I'm thankful that I'm not living in the midst of war. War is going on though. And we shouldn't forget it or harden ourselves against it.

a few things

Andy's birthday went well. I made him a Boston creme pie, which was interesting, but delicious and we had dinner with his family in Tulsa Sunday night.

I have a job! It's only part-time, but it's something to do! I'm tutoring OSU athletes in English, which will be interesting. I have seven students: one ESL student, one English major, and one who is labeled as "low-functioning." I shouldn't really talk to you about them (b/c of NCAA rules), but I wanted to give you an idea of the varied work I'll be doing.
I still need another job, so please keep praying for me.

And since some of you didn't know, or still don't know, I am going to Zambia for two weeks this summer to work (play games, give hugs, and share the Good News) at a camp for Zambian orphans. I'll probably be sending you a letter asking for money, prayer, or non-monetary donations. Don't feel obligated, please.

We're getting a new computer and then Internet at home so my blogging will be more frequent. Andy said that he'll pick out a home video for me to post soon.
I hope everyone is doing well!

still sitting

Here's the quote from "A Widow for One Year" that I said I would post: "'I can't see where I'm going, Daddy,' Ruth told him again. 'But that's the test, Ruthie. The test is, sometimes there's no place to pull over--sometimes you can't stop, and you have to find a way to keep going. You got it?'"

Well, I still don't have a job, but I've decided to pursue a few little craft things around our home so at least I'll be occupied. I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety about what God is going to provide this time and when He's going to do it. I didn't like my last job, as you know, but it was what Andy and I needed at the time. I hope what we need now isn't another job like that. We're going to visit a local church this Sunday so I hope we'll fit in there.


I accidentally dyed my hair almost-black. Andy was a little frightened, but it has lightened up a bit and it looks pretty good.

My sister and her boyfriend visited us this weekend and I couldn't sleep because of the excitement of being around another human being! It was funny and pathetic. We played Balderdash a lot. I can't believe we found a couple who will play that game with us (all other attempts have failed). Also, my grandparents drive cars for dealerships and they took one to Oklahoma City so I drove there and met them for lunch -- it was a blast. It makes me a little sad because I spent so much time with them in my most difficult years and I know I need them so much still. I miss them and I'm grateful for that bit of happiness in my day. Oh, I also went to Super Target. Woah!

Weird: People are allowed to talk loudly and eat and drink in the OSU library. It's freaking and grossing me out. How's that for a double split phrasal verb? Seriously, there's a guy next to me loudly enjoying his pastry. Over the keyboard. Crumbs are falling from his mouth. Ew.

The Ant King

Andy and I went to see E. O. Wilson (said to be our generation's Darwin and he's a double Pulitzer prize winner) speak. It was an honor to hear him and I enjoyed it. I thought he was going to speak in detail about his research with ants, but instead he promoted his new book, which Andy and I are about to read. It's about our ethical or moral obligation to be good stewards of the Earth, which means funding conservation efforts and promoting a more "green" lifestyle (I'm all for it). We'll give our comments on the book soon. I'm sure it will be worth the read. It's even more interesting because in the novel he suggests (or begs) that the religious and scientific realms work together. What a bright idea!

Earlier this morning I was in the tub reading "Extreemly Loud & Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer (I reccommend this book!) and in the story the main character, a little boy, is writing letters to people he admires. "'Who are you writing letters to?' she asked... 'Kofi Annan, Siegfried, Roy, Jacques Chirac, E. O. Wilson, Wierd Al Yankovic, Bill Gates, Vladamir Putin, and some other people.'" I thought it was funny. It's okay if you don't.

so sitting at home isn't what it's cracked up to be...

Now, keep in mind that I would love to sit at home if I didn't have to work. But, since I do have to work, not working and not having a job is making me anxious. I'm still not getting calls for jobs that I'm over qualified for and today I've found one that I could do, but the database wouldn't take my application because I couldn't lie and say that English is related to a business degree, even though all of my job experience has been business related. So I'm going to have to find this department in the ice and snow (I've already fallen hard on my butt b/c of the ice once today) and I'm wearing jeans. But the opening closes tomorrow and I refuse to go there the last day -- so I'm going. The only jobs that are reviewing my application (and the only jobs I'm not over qualified for) are in Oklahoma City, or in other words, too far away. I would consider taking them anyway b/c I really want to be an adjunct in English, but Andy doesn't want me to drive that much (understandably).

The good news is that I'm reading A LOT. Finally I'm getting to read Jonathan Safran Foer's books and I'm reading more and more Irving and Walter Mosely. They are all good. Mosely isn't really my type of writer, but he's so good at that writer/reader relationship (dropping hints here and there so that when you read the next chapter you think "ooohhh") and he keeps you interested. I did read "A Widow for One Year" like I said I would and I underlined a quote for you, but I forgot the book at home, so another time. The book was interesting and very good in certain ways (complex family relationships and a lot of round characters) but it's a little too R-rated for most of the readers I know. I also read the new Diana Wynne Jones book (excellent!) and the new book in the Tiffany Aching series, titled "Wintersmith." If you know any girls from 11-16, give them these books; they have my highest recommendation.

We were iced-in for the weekend. It's apparently our last night of single digit temperatures, so that's good. I hope everyone is safe and doing well.

That's all for today, I think.

don't call it a comeback

I haven't had access to the Internet in so long... We're settled in Stillwater now and I'm really enjoying our little house. Daphne loves having a yard to run around in and Andy seems to be enjoying his new school and job -- he's nervous, but he should be. Graduate school is a kick in the pants or a pat on the head that means "it's okay, you can't be the smartest, you know" or "well aren't you cute trying to be a scholar."

As much as I'm enjoying my home I'd like to be out of it a bit. I haven't found a job so I can't leave the house or I'll spend money that I don't have because, as I said, I'm unemployed. I've sent my resume to ten or so places and I'm overqualified for most of those positions, so I don't know why people haven't called me back. It's difficult for me to be patient.

I'll ask Andy to post some pics of our new place and perhaps we can post some of our videos. He got a camcorder for Christmas and we've made a few birding videos that I know you'll be waiting on the edge of your seat to see.

I hope everyone is doing well. Please let me know.

woohoo!

So we both graduated. And I never have to set foot in the Museum again. I'm so so happy.

I'm not reading the John Irving book yet because I'm in the middle of a good, but predictable, series by Orson Scott Card about Alvin Maker.

rays of sunshine

Ray LaMontagne, that's him on the right, has become one of my new favorite singers because of his folk and blues inspired lyrics and his extremely soulful voice.

NPR live concert: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6599923

His myspace page: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=10492098

Another ray is that I only have one paper left. Now, it's 20 pages and I haven't started it and it is due by tomorrow at 4pm, but I'm holding on to the fact that I have only one more left. Just one more night without sleep and one more day getting sick from the stress. Then it'll all be gone; I'm kissing school goodbye. And like Ray's songs, that's beautiful music to my ears.

quote

"This too shall pass; now would be good."

a little number and tree time

I've been listening to a song over and over: "Perfectly Fitted" by Waterdeep. Some of the lyrics: "Come to me, for I am gentle. You weary souls will find rest, for I am perfectly fitted to your curves... My yoke is easy; My burden is light." It has reminded me that my life really has been much easier (more peaceful, more content, more secure) once dedicating it to Christ and it becomes easier when I try to remember and live true to that decision day to day. The song also comforted me by reminding me that God made me who I am. I'm not defective. I often feel like I'm too much for people and it makes me nervous and shy. But God made me blunt and outspoken and I think that as long as I use that characteristic to love others I am the person He created -- the person He wanted and choose to create. My curves are different than yours, but He is still a perfect fit for all of us. It's a good song.

I'm wrapping up my job and wishing that I had honored Christ more in my work. I think I wasted too much time and didn't control my emotions around my boss often enough. I'm not capable of loving everyone, but I should've been serious about asking God to love them through me. I asked a couple of times, but I also wallowed in my dislike. We're having the Christmas work party Tuesday morning, so please pray that I won't hurt anyone's feelings. Basically, no one had better ask me if I'll miss my job, because then I'll have to say "No." and they'll ask why and then I'll have to be vague.

One more week of school. I'm not so stressed about it -- which is actually a bad thing, because I'm having a hard time making myself work. Andy's overzealous Physics prof is giving a comprehensive exam over 16 chapters. I pity Andy, but he is Suma Cum Laude, so you can't pity him too much, you know? We have our gowns and I bought new black shoes, but I can't figure out how to wear the master's hood. A few people from each side (his and mine) are coming and we're excited that they'll be here to celebrate with us.

A lot of new exciting things to look forward to. New school, new job, new church, new restaurants, new home... and eventually a new pup! Yes, the time has almost arrived to search for that beloved pup that will be Daphne's playmate. We're looking for a flashy brindle male boxer who has large -- 80lb.+ -- parents. So if you hear of a litter, let me know! We're trying again to find a home next Tuesday, Dec. 19, and stopping on the way to have dinner with Andy's paternal grandmother (she a Rotary governor!), which is great because we don't see her very often and she has a ChowChow who likes to play with Daphne.

I've decided to print out a pic of our Christmas tree from last year and tape it on the wall above the presents I'm going to wrap this week. I think it'll be funny. Here's our pretty tree and my (I love this thing!) nativity.

eek!

I'm sorry I haven't blogged lately. And I'm not going to until I'm finished with everything. I don't know if work or school is more frustrating and difficult this week, but the combo is working together to kill me, I'm sure. We've had elementary school tours all week and my boss has been popping in my office more than usually lately. I have billions of pages still due. billions. waa.

misc

Andy said my last post was mean. I'm sorry that I can be so mean sometimes. I wish I weren't, but at least I've got pretty much got the honest thing down. I should bite my tongue more often.

"Stranger than Fiction" is a great movie, go see it!

I wish I were Damien Rice's or Fernando Ortega's or Josh Groban's back-up singer.

I'm thinking of quitting school... with only a week left. I'm having writer's block or something else weird with my brain (perhaps it is leaking again, I should really get that checked out... I did get a Qtip stuck in my ear yesterday) and I have about sixty pages that should've been finished about a week ago.

Andy and I are normally busy and stressed. Last night we had fun though... we went to the Chinese buffet that we'll never visit again b/c a cockroach walked across the table... we laughed... then after the movie we raced to the truck. You should try it, it's more fun that you could possibly imagine. Then we made fun of each other's laugh. I really like my husband, you know.

I have a John Irving book ready to read - "A Widow for One Year" I'll tell you about it when I get to start, which will be after these papers are complete. Irving is my favorite American author, I think. Or at least so far. For some reason I've read a lot more Brit Lit than American.

That's all.