servant's heart

I really wish I had a servant's heart.
But I'm sitting here with a bad attitude. My boss just asked me to make some hot water for the staff meeting. This irritates me for two reasons: she was just in the kitchen when she asked me and I was in my office, and I'm the only one out of the four staff who go to the meeting who doesn't use the hot water. It could also be that I have a history of frustration with this woman, or it could be that I don't like when bosses ask me to do things like that when they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves? (Family - Remember how I lost my job at the law firm when I was 16 or 17?)
But I wish I lovingly served others. I wish I could look on anyone's face and see God's beautiful creation.

you're getting very sleepy

Andy and I both feel spent. We're moving, trying to find a rent-house, trying to keep up in our classes, and everything that goes along with all that. At least we have the school question answered. I know tons of you were praying for Andy's GRE, and look how that turned out -- wonderfully! So pray for me too, please! I have my exit exam in one month and I'm barely keeping up in my classes. I feel like my brain is melting away and seeping through my ears when I sleep. Every morning I have a hard time waking up and facing yet another day of work work work. And I feel dumber, probably because of the aforementioned brain leakage.

This is our last week in our beautiful home. I'm going to miss it so much! I know that I won't be living in such a lovely place for at least four years. Oklahoma has a different kind of beauty. I'm glad that Andy, Audrey, and I hiked a trail in the Ozarks last week, because I don't know when we'll get to again. We'll definitely make trips back to Arkansas and everyone is welcome to join us!

new news

We're going to OSU www.okstate.edu
which is in Stillwater, which puts us 1/3 closer to you Dallas folk, and a LOT closer to you Tulsa folk.
I'm excited for the following reasons:
1. Q'doba
2. Panera
3. Old Navy
4. Chili's
5. Theaters that don't smell like a combo of pickles and urine.
Need I say more?

Now all we need is a home with a fence and a job for me.
Everyone get prepared to visit!

feels like Monday

Update: My perm turned out well, it's a tighter curl than I wanted but it looks cute. Andy said I looked like Hurley. Even though Hurley is my favorite character on my favorite TV show, I don't necessarily want my looks to be compared to his. Kate has curly brown hair; why didn't he say that I looked like Kate? Oh well, I got a good laugh out of it. I'd never want to be as scrawny as Kate anyway.
This is more newsworthy: Andy scored extremely well on his GRE scores -- over two hundred points higher than he was expecting. (Now I hope he's starting to realize that he is as smart as everyone thinks he is.) Thank you to all who prayed! We're going to Stillwater Wednesday night to meet with a professor at OSU Thursday morning. Right now it seems like OSU is where we're headed - but Andy scored high enough to go to schools like Virginia Tech, so we're still not sure on the final decision yet. I feel good about visiting OSU though, it feels like that's where we're going.
My sister came to visit this weekend and we had a nice time. We hiked the pedestal rock trails, we played tennis, we shopped and we had lunch at the Marketplace. It was a grrrreat time. I really like having her in the house - it was a little boring after I dropped her off at the airport.
Well, that's all for today. Have a good day folks.

oh no!

I'm out of sugar free candy! I'm fiend-ing.
(Wouldn't it be interesting to study the history of that slang term? A fiend can mean someone who is an addict or who is interested in something. So if I'm fiending for something - I'm missing the thing to which I'm addicted.)


I'm getting a perm today. Yes, folks, a perm. I'm a little scared. You can imagine I'm sure. I don't want to be a bad perm statistic. But I'm going to go for it anyway. The only male at the salon (I trust male hairstylists b/c I figure that they wouldn't be in such an effeminante business if they weren't good at it and didn't enjoy it.) told me that I needed a body wave, a soft perm. I need it? I don't need it but if it changes my flat hair into not-so-flat hair, I'll be pleased. If it changes my flat hair into big Napoleon Dynamite hair, I'll not be pleased. You'll hear all about it if it's bad.

Right now I'm reading "Absalom, Absalom!" by Faulkner for my master's exam, "Great Expectations" by Dickens for my class and "The Mists of Avalon" by Bradley for fun. It's getting a little confusing, but I have different levels of focus for each one. The reading difficulty decreases as you go down my list. Does anyone know why Faulkner refuses to use commas in lists? Or why he's so ridiculously difficult? Kudos to anyone who reads his novels for fun. It's a worthy task but not a fun one.

Audrey is coming to visit tomorrow; I'm very excited! Andy'll be taking the GRE exam in less than 48 hours. Yes, he's freaking out a bit -- not as much as I expected, though.

nostalgia and the not so silent "t"

Why, out of all the SAT words we were made to memorize, do most people remember what nostalgic means? Perhaps, it is because it has a nice sound or perhaps because we all feel a little nostalgic about something in our past.
Frankly, I can't stand who I used to be overall. . . implying that I had at least few good points, I think, one of those being my love of music. So, while I may not be nostalgic about my past, I am nostalgic about particular bands and songs. You should know, dear reader, that I think the reason Andy persisted in pursuing me -- even after he wrongly assumed that I liked other guys -- is because we both loved music so much. Almost all of our early dates were going to go see bands, especially Waterdeep. And, of course, it gave us a subject to talk about.
All of that babbling was simply to tell you that I had a nice day listening to music (because no one else was at work with me today) and to impress upon you how nice it was to enjoy music, which is very nice. Nice, nice, nice.

Guess what. The "t" in often is silent! I had no idea! Apparently, Peter Jennings or some other newscaster in the early 80's said "off-ten" instead of the proper "offen" and now tons of people, including me, say "off-ten." (It became so popular that the modern dictionaries give both pronunciations.) Well, no more. Since I enjoy being such a stickler, I'm going to try to say "offen" just for the fun of being a snob. (If you don't believe me, add an "s" to often and see if "t" stays or not.)

shorty

I remembered last night that I told someone that everyone has blindspots concerning their own behavior. And I know that everyone -- everyone -- has a social mask. So I'm not facade free, but I do try to be very honest.

I saw a funny t-shirt today that had "I don't care about your blog" written on the front.

I'm trying to clean out the freezer since we're moving so Andy and I have eaten venison for several days now and soon we're going to eat the Elk that Myrriah gave us before they moved. I normally don't prefer chicken, but I'm starting to miss it.

That's all I've got today folks. I decided I'm not going to be so lazy with school this semester so I've to do some homework. Remember: Andy's GRE examination is this Sat --> please pray for him.

In Support of Squirrels

Squirrel hunting season opened today. In honor of the hundreds of squirrels now being peppered while sitting in a tree by shotgun-toting rednecks, I have posted these links. I hope you enjoy them.


Link to the best Squirrel Song on the internet (I hope it plays for you, it was having some trouble today): http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/Squirrels_Song/

These links are only for those who are extremely bored:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Fictional_squirrels

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies/mamba/

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies/dduck/

Facade free - I hope

I'm sorry my few faithful readers, if I haven't been blogging enough. I haven't had anything funny or interesting to say lately. The only thing I've thought of today is how much I dislike my job, and that will get old to read about - and I can't tell you the funniest things about my job. At least, not here. . . I'll tell you in person. My long lost friend Justin recommends The Office. I've seen the BBC version and I hope to watch the US one as well because I know I can relate. Everyone who works at the museum is very different from everyone else who works at the museum. Out of my coworkers, my friend Faith knows me the best. She understands that when my face seems to frown it is only because that is how my face looks when I'm at work. Today I replied to something she said, which prompted her to reply, "Okay -- Oh, Voice of Reason." That's hilarious. Very hilarious. One other coworker constantly asks me if I'm alright. YES, I'M FINE. He means well; he's a very conscientious soul.

I'm sorry people but I just can't hide my emotions. I had a high compliment from a recently acquired friend - a thirty-something radio DJ named Jason. We're very different from each other, but he told me that he liked me anyway because he thinks I'm genuine. That's the best compliment! Out of all the things I would want a person to say - that's top on the list. (The list is completely different for you Andy - so don't worry.) I don't make a lot of friends, but I realized last night that many of the students (who have been in classes with me for three years and haven't initiated conversation to me until this point) actually like me. How can this be? Especially when I've met so many who obviously dislike me - like the raspberry woman and some of my professors. Well, at least I know they didn't like me for me b/c I don't allow them to be mistaken about who I am or what I think. Because I'm genuine and I'm a genuine loud-mouth.

Apparently my video store now has Lost, but I can't rent it yet because they have to get the art work ready. They just lost my business today - I can't wait any longer! Just knowing I'm that much closer to watching it drives me crazy so I'm going to Hastings to rent it. yipee!

foggy-brain day

I just had two people visit the Museum. If that weren't strange enough, they were French, but they live in Israel, and are now vacationing in Arkansas. What? They made me nervous. Probably because I haven't spoken more than ten words to anyone (besides Andy) today and the rare occasion of having visitors in the Museum requires that I speak to other humans. Those other humans are normally either strange or strangers.

My brain is in a cloud. This is usually a self induced state (not with drugs, but with daydreams and novels) but today I think it's that evil stress again. I'm worried about where we're going to be, where we're going to live, what we're going to be able to afford, where I'm going to work, what I'm going to do (kids or more school? kids or more school?) and if we're going to have enough money. This is silly, you say. Well, of course it is. I know that. Everything has always worked out -- just as my foggy brain is now reminding me -- "in all things, God works for the good of those who love him" (Bible, Romans 8:28). I know that. I have personal experience examples of that caretaker characteristic of God's, but I'm still stressed.

Neither of these paragraphs state what is foremost in my mind today. The second season of Lost became available for purchase yesterday. So why doesn't my video store have it for me to rent yet? WHY? I'm so excited! I think I'll call them again to ask if it has arrived. Just so you know, the check-out people at the video store know my full name b/c of how often I was in their store to rent Lost previously.

travel products site

I've always wanted to use this site. Maybe someone else will find it handy.
http://www.minimus.biz/default.aspx

that's the kicker.

I had a wonderful morning. It’s cool at our house because the north wind breezes through our windows and I actually had to sit with a blanket this morning. I love that! I had a cup of coffee, a blanket and Daphne. Normally I also have a book, but I was too weary of reading for that. I never would have thought that I would get sick of reading. Well, I guess it isn’t really sick of reading – if Diana Wynne Jones published a new novel I wouldn’t stop reading it. I’ve almost had it with Victorian novels and collections of critical essays. My History of the English Language book is very interesting though. I’ll probably bore you to death with information (that I think is neat!) that I learn from it.

In fact, if you would, please comment on this blog and tell me what your favorite current kick is. I can probably guess some: Mom’s is quilting, Audi’s is budgeting, Dad’s is architecture of various sorts, Andy’s is a tug-of-war between fauna and music, Melanie’s and Coach Duke’s are deals of any sort – especially garage sales. . . but if I’m wrong please correct me. I love to be corrected because I may in turn correct you. Ha. And I love to know new things about people. (I wrote directions on how to comment on an earlier blog... I know you can figure it out.)

Well it seems that our lovely free home is going to be sold. We were hoping it would happen because it will benefit our benefactors (the Wilkins) but I'm sad to be leaving. I love where we live! And it isn't coming at the best of times, since this semester is going to be difficult for me and Andy is occupied with figuring out our future plans. Ah well, it has been an incredible blessing.

OH YEAH... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! WE LOVE YOU!

Beautiful day

It's strange how greatly my mood is affected by the weather. Last night was our first cool night so we happily opened the windows and slept soundly.

I found out that someone else had bought my "I love Matt" book and that student took it back, so I'm going to take it back. I opened it to read my chapter and Marybeth, the previous owner, had sporadically highlighted all through the book in bright blue and green. She highlighted so much that I can tell that she had no conscious thought as she was highlighting -- she was just scribbling across the page out of boredom. Some pages are completely blue. I'm sure she didn't learn a thing. The professor encouraged us to take notes while we read and I held up my textbook as an example of how to highlight. Needless to say, I got a lot of laughs.

Although today is going to be long, I see enormous potential. I've already worked out, I remembered to put on deodorant, I packed my lunch and my boss hasn't spoken to me yet. It's a nice morning.

this day requires two blogs

It’s time for you to see yet another level of my snobbishness.
I peeked into one of my Rhetoric textbooks to find large bubbly graffiti written with a black pen and blue highlighter. “Marybeth loves Matt” is written on the outside of the pages. “Marybeth St. John + Matt,” “I love MATT!!!,” Joe’s cell phone number, and a grocery list that includes magazines, salad, and flip-flops – are found within the pages of my textbook. I can’t help but think how Marybeth got her hands on a graduate level rhetoric book. Well, I could keep from thinking these things, probably, but I don’t stop myself. I also wonder how long this girl with the obtrusive handwriting stayed in school. I hope she married Matt, had his babies, and bought new flip-flops.

Recently Andy and I discussed writing in books. I write in books; he does not. Apparently, texts are sacred to Andy. I enjoy making notes. IN PENCIL! If I didn’t make notes, I wouldn’t write insightful papers because I can’t remember what I thought from one page to the next. Those notes are there for me the next time I read waiting for me to make new connections from my old ones. This habit is helpful and makes sense. A grocery list in a textbook is a desecration! This book cost me at least thirty bucks and I plan on keeping it for reference. Marybeth, who wrote “Marybeth’s” and “Mary B’s” on the cover didn’t keep it so why was she so obsessed with marking her territory? I nicely write my name on the top right corner of the first page. If you are like Marybeth, please do not tell me because I won’t be able to love you completely. I probably couldn’t even look you in the face. That’s how far my snobbishness goes.

weekend synopsis

I spent this weekend in Dallas at the Women of Faith conference because my Mema nicely bought me tickets to join her and the rest of the women on my mom’s side of the family. I really enjoyed the big-city food, the time with my family, and the swimming pool at the hotel. Since the conference was the focal point of the weekend, I am going to talk about that.

My favorite speaker was Marilyn Meberg and the most impacting thing she said (something I’d heard several times, but I’m dense and it takes awhile to move me) was “Jesus did not come to make bad people good – he came to give dead people life.”
The most important thing that I realized this weekend, in response to the conference and my sister’s and mother’s church, is that I’ve been complacent since I made major changes to my life (when I became active in my relationship with God at 19 and then again when I was married at 21.) My regular habit is to go through my days thinking about what needs to be completed, scheduled, turned in, fixed, cleaned up… that I tend to react to my surroundings rather than making conscious decisions to be loving, serving, and thoughtful. So I'm working on that.

Poor Andy had to eat Wal-mart brand lasanga and McDonald's cheeseburgers. But he survived and he even mowed the lawn. He's at home today fixing our water pump, which died again today. Texas Tech is no longer an option for our next school. We're still looking at the two schools in OK and a few others in other states. His GRE exam date is Sept. 16th, so please pray for him that he'd pace the exam well and that he'd be able to remember what he has memorized.

It's so amazing...

. . . when complete strangers are rude to you. It stops you in your tracks and when you've recovered from the shock, you review the scene in your mind a few times to see if you missed something. Then you think rude thoughts about the stranger. You call him names. All because your pride was hurt by someone you don't know. Why should you care if a stranger is rude to you? But really, it's a little funny. I don't know why it's funny. But at least I'm laughing and not chasing the twerp down. He should've been spanked more as a child -- and I don't even believe in spanking.

lackey

That's what I feel like today. Except, lackeys are supposed to be male, but who actually knows that unless they check their definitions?

I had a stare down with a lady today. It was the wierdest thing. I'm not sure why we were having a stare down, but I felt the general aggression and frustration. I must be an extremely frustrating person. Sorry people.

My "vacation" went by like a flash! I spent one day reading "Eats, shoots & leaves" my friend Kay Manry lent me. It was hilarious and I highly recommend it. I, however, do not agree with the author that the internet should be proper. The whole fun of these blogs is that complete idiots (and moderate idiots like me) can be authors! We can write, spell and punctuate however we please. But, of course, the whole point of writing, spelling, punctuation and grammar is communication. And you can't communicate if people don't know what you're saying.

So - I could talk to Audrey about ice and Mom would think we were talking about frozen water when in fact we could be talking about expensive hubcaps, diamonds, or methamphetamines.
Ex. "I gotta keep my boo iced." = "If I want to keep my girlfriend, I have to give her expensive things -- like diamonds."

What I'm trying to say: While writing on the internet gives us A LOT of freedom and A LOT of potential readers, if you don't punctuate or spell properly (or use common definitions for things!) than people aren't going to understand what you're trying to write, so what then, would be the point? The point would be to limit your audience.

I hope I've a wide range of readers - from my preteen sister-in-law to my seventy-something Mema. And I'm not writing this as an online journal. I keep a journal at home where none of you can read. I'm writing this so that friends and family can be a little closer to Andy and me. So that you, if you want, can know what we're doing and know what we're like on a day-to-day basis. I hope you feel lucky.

Actually Arnold, it is a tumor.

Once again Andy and I have confirmation that something is defective in Daphne.
The growth on her cute face is a tumor, but it's a button tumor (histiocytoma) instead of the MCT I was worried about which means that it's benign and probably won't cause her much pain. The vet thinks it'll decrease on it's own, but if it doesn't they'll have to remove it.
She and I took a really long nap together today. (She sleeps on the floor next to me)
It's great to finally be out of summer school. I don't want to start the fall semester, but at least it's probably my last semester in school ever. EVER. probably... that's scary.

Apparently Andy is now down to three schools (don't get your hopes up peeps, I'm not, b/c it can all change). They are OSU, OU, and Texas Tech. I'm going to go home to eat some chili and a homegrown watermelon. Have a great weekend everyone. Next week is my "study for the master's exam" vacation so I won't post as frequently.

sugar high = myriad of topics

Hello. I'm having a great day and I thought I'd share it with you since you're so often subject to my crumbly grumbly moods.

I just had a doughnut. yum! beats carrots, but I have only one cheat left... (Oprah's bootcamp, you know) so I thought I'd save it for when I'm in Dallas. (HintHintFamily)
The school gym is closing for two weeks so I hope I can keep up my pace on Pilates videos and loops around the track. I bet if I cried in front of a local gym they'd let me in. I could tell them that I just ate a doughnut and those buff girls will gasp, take my hand, and lead me to the elliptical, while drying my eyes with their little white towels. I wonder why everyone carries those little towels around patting their little faces. I wear my sweat like a badge - I'm proud of it because it says, hey, look what I did!

Andy and I have only one more disc of Season One of LOST left... Walt was just kidnapped - I should've known that the Others meant him! (Hurley, Walt, and Sun are my favorites.) I can't wait to see the finale and then season two. I think I'll have to wait until the entire season three comes out before I can watch it because I can't take the suspense. But then, it would be fun to talk to others about them as they come out... and Audi offered to tape them for me... so we'll see. Justin, I still plan on checking out 24 but I don't know when yet. That may be next semester.

I made a new friend at school, a happy high school teacher named Jason who offered to get me his friend's notes for the Master's Exam. I can't wait to get my hands on those puppies.

Speaking of puppies, I saw a boxer in the road today. A beautiful flashy fawn male with clipped ears. If I hadn't had a cheescake in the back (for my classmates) I would've picked him up. Andy saw one yesterday on his way home that he passed by too. It's hard to know if they are petsb/c they don't usually have collars and since we're still at the Wilkin's home it's not like we could keep another dog... but I bet I could find it a good home and give it some love.

Aldo, the much anticipated future playmate for Daphne, will join our little family sometime after we move. Shopping for a pup is difficult because you see so many and you have to check out their temperaments and health before you carry them away and yet you want to take all of them because they are so cute. I'm hoping for a more assertive dog than Daphne, and we also have to live somewhere where they offer pup training classes b/c I bet more assertive dogs are harder to train. Daphne was a breeze. She still won't calm down around new places, new people, or other dogs, but otherwise she's a great dog. ha. No REALLY she is a good dog. Perhaps I'll put her in classes too.

I'm actually getting excited about teaching. My report on The House of the Scorpion went well today and I was so hyped up about it that I knew I would be able to energize my students. I wonder if I'll get a job. I hoping that a job will be waiting for me in January. If not then hopefully I can offer my services as a tutor for somebody.

Andy is a little bummed lately, he's afraid of the GRE and is playing the worst-case-senario game in his head again. If you pray, please do so for Andy that he'd be encouraged.
Daphne has a growth on her face (gross!) so I'm taking her to the vet today. I'm hoping it's not a tumor b/c Boxers are the breed with the highest mass cell tumor rate. But then, she's pretty young to develop one and only four percent of MCTs develop on the face and neck.

What a strange grouping of topics! Have a good weekend eh-ver-body.

OOOOOOkay

I found several blogspheres today that belonged to frustrated teachers. It's a wonderful asset for me because almost all of them talk about dealing with obnoxious students, domineering principles, and parents who object to the novels they teach (I'm sure that will happen to me every semester). I'm writing a paper tonight to persuade the other people in my class (almost all are already teachers) to include "The House of the Scorpion" either in their classroom library or, preferably, in their lessons plans. One blogger talked about dealing with a mother of a student who objected to this novel because she thought it was "trash." The teacher decided to avoid confrontation and assigned the student a different novel but the student had to do a lot of work on her own since the rest of the class was studying "Scorpion." That's absolutely ridiculous to me. I am glad that some parents take an interest in their children's education, but seriously, the teachers were hired to teach! If a parent objects all the time I think they should just stick their kids in homeschool. Then they can control their kids as much as they want.

Now I'm not saying that I think children should read novels with adult themes. It's okay to censor -- everyone censors. But this is a CHILDREN'S novel. and it won three prestigious awards! and it definitely qualifies for capital L literature. And I will teach it if I teach anywhere from 6th to 10th grade. I have no idea what I'll do when I'm questioned, rebuked, and censored.

On this same frustrated note... on my way to work I passed a lady who is known for her comments in class. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who has been subjected to her wrath. Feeling that way is probably not a good thing, but it's true. So -- In my creative writing class where I had to write the first three chapters or so of my novel, this lady tells the entire class that my story is "vulgar" and since my story happens to be a memoir, I too am "vulgar." OOOOOOOOkay. Warning - I'm about to say something mean. I remember that day she wore bright fushia everything - even pantyhose and lipstick. I think that's vulgar.