Sunday, September 30, 2007


Hey there peeps.
I'm still tired. I'm still so busy that my digestive system is in constant protest from the stress. ha.
I'm a little too fat for my bridesmaid's dress. Bummer. ;(
But I've been practicing my songs for the wedding and wether I look good, I know I'll sound good. I normally don't worry too much about my weight. But I'm a little embarrassed because I'll be seeing some people who are used to seeing me thrity pounds lighter. I feel like a failure or something, which is stupid because no one expects me to be pretty and even if they did, why should I care and what a stupid goal for my life. It is a goal, I won't deny it, but it isn't even on the list. Hence the weight gain, right? yep!
Oh well, who gives a crap.
Teaching is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so tired and the weeks are rushing by. I can't tell if this is a good thing or bad. I want to be focused on my kids but instead am focused on lesson plans, grading, and policy, and, of course, family matters. Daphne and Wilson are suffering, my body is suffering (even if my mind and heart are growing), and I have no stinking free time! I want so badly to bake some cinnamon rolls and take a bath and read a ridiculously long fiction novel.
I'm going to quit whining and catch some sleep.
I hope everyone is doing well!
Good news: Keira Bowman, Jason and Erin's daughter, seems to be beating her cancer! check out her blog for details. Praise God for health and for miracles.
Praise God for work and purpose and kids.

Monday, September 17, 2007


I think I'm doing better with teaching (if you've heard me complain lately). It's hard to remove yourself from it, because that doesn't seem like what you should do. But it is what I have to do because I'm not there to be their friend and I take the things they say too personally.
We're almost finished with our first novel. The other classes haven't even begun one yet and I'm wondering if I'm pushing these kids too fast. But then those who haven't even begun the book yet wouldn't do it anyway and quite a few have already finished it. I assigned "The Giver" to the 8th graders and "F 451" to the 9th. I think the next book I'll do it "Lord of the Flies" and then a newer book, "Monster."
I feel like my life is grading and eating sugary things. When I get home, I'm more exhasuted than I can remember being. I'm glad that I'm only doing this for a few years because I don't like the pace. I feel like I'm in grad school again, but busier, because I'm constantly under stress and I'm floundering around.
But I am trusting God to help me. I pray each morning that I would be the teacher they need and that I would reach as many as want to come and that God would help me be someone they can respect. I also pray that he would help me see them as he does. I'm still having trouble with one student, T. W., and nothing short of God changing his attuitude or giving me guidance will help this situation.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Monday, September 03, 2007

teaching is a lot harder than I thought it would be

I'm having a really hard time. Here are some of the reasons:
1. I'm not good at classroom management (trying to fix this)
2. I actually care what a bunch of 14-16 year olds think of me
3. About 20% of the kids are disrespectful, loud, manipulative, lazy, and selfish, which ruins it for the rest of the class b/c of reason #1 and #2.

So tomorrow I'm going to try my best to lay down the law.
But seriously, this is so hard that I almost want to quit.
Which is awful b/c teaching is what I've always said I would do. The kids complain at the smallest assignment and tell me that my assignments are "retarded" or they just tell me that they don't have time to complete them when I've just given them 30 minutes to do the project!
My kids, I think, will be home schooled or put in private schools. Andy has always said that is what we would do with our kids, but I didn't understand why until this past week. My high school classes weren't like this... even if we hated the teacher we only made fun of them behind their back and I don't think any of us TRIED to make teachers cry or TRIED to get into trouble. Just thinking about going back tomorrow makes me tired.

I know it will get better, but right now it's crappy.

my classroom