pause

I will not make updates or postings this week due to the magnitude of my exam on Saturday. I'll write again Monday.
Have a good week!

too tired

I am too tired to compose anything today. I'm cooking a ton of chili for our community group tonight and we're leading the music for worship. That's all good.

I want to thank all of the women who befriended me. You are awesome and I'm thankful for you.

personality problems

I had everyone at work take the standard personality test (mbti, jung, meyers-brigg) and I had some funny but predictable results.
The person who gets on my nerves happens to be my "contrast."
My favorite coworker, but one who I feel protective over is my "pedagogue" and another coworker that I work well with is my "pal."
Andy turned out to be my "companion."
If you decide to take the test (the first link) you may read the personality profiles and the relationship pairs and definitions. It's fun and interesting.
I knew Audrey and I would be similar, but it turns out we have exactly the same profile, ISTJ. There are different levels for each personality trait that is signified by a letter. Therefore, even though Audrey and I have the same profile, we both have different levels of each trait.
test: http://similarminds.com/pref_jung.html
descriptions: http://typelogic.com/istj.html
a different description page: http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html

surprised by a solicitation

As you know, I don't make friends quickly. I keep one, maybe two, close friends at a time. Since Nellie and since moving from my hometown, I've had a hard time figuring out if people like me. I feel awkward when I talk to people and I'm sure that most of them misread me.
I really do like people.
For the first time I've actually been invited to the annual Halloween English dept. party. People have asked me if I was going before, but no one (until yesterday) actually said they wanted me to go. I was so pleased that I said I'd go despite the fact that I'm completely uncomfortable at parties. One of my classmates said he would bring Catch Phrase, which I hope he does since I'm very comfortable playing games with people. In fact, I love it. I'm so competitive that I'm sure I annoy others -- but I love it so much that I don't care. I don't know what I'll do if people just stand around and talk.

funny and feckless

After I posted my last blog I went home and became angry at something Andy did or said. I can't remember what it was. But, that is funny to me. C'est la vie, right?

I haven't decided if I prefer to live in the country or the city. The country is peaceful and more beautiful, but the city is closer to everything and I can walk Daphne (b/c there are sidewalks!), which is wonderful even if I have to see domestic disputes and trash thrown in the streets.

I'm feeling a sort of vague discomfort because of our future move. I feel anxiety whenever there is a big decision needing to be made. Andy tries to tell me to not worry about it, but I always feel this way when we have a big decision. I don't know when I started this or if I've always been this way. It is so extreme that I almost prefer a not-so-great decision over no decision, which I guess makes me hasty. Perhaps I'm only hasty compared to Andy; I'm not sure.

I can't take pics of my hair as a few of you have asked b/c we packed our camera. And the curls aren't as tight as they were. It still looks better than my previous flat lanky hair, but it isn't as cute as it was.

Our graduation will be Dec 16 (Mema's birthday and the first day of Hanukkah -- bound to be a good day) at 10 a.m. Family please don't feel like you have to give me anything for this graduation, you were so generous last year and I'm not expecting gifts. As I mentioned before our camera is packed, so if you come please bring yours. And I'd like to know if any of my family members are thinking of coming, because you know Andy's crew will be here and that's a lot of people, so I'd like to try to spread things out a little (so the two of us introverts aren't overwhelmed.)

But of course I won't know if I'm actually graduating until I pass my comprehensive exam in ten days...EEK!

About Andy

Even when I'm furious with Andy I never doubt my decision to marry him; in fact, I'm always grateful that he's stuck with me for life.

Not only is he smart and funny, as all of you know, he is patient, loyal, and loving, and only I truly know.

It's only because of God's consistent love for us and courting of us that we're able to love each other as we do. (b/c we're both so stubborn and lots of other not so pleasant things.)

Every morning that I wake up next to him I'm glad (I really mean every morning, which is amazing) and I felt like telling you about it today.

sweatshirts, school, and such

It is finally sweatshirt weather. I love to wear blue jeans and a sweatshirt. Andy and I are opposite in this: he prefers the spring and summer and I love the fall and winter.

Andy's physics professor seems to be behaving more reasonably lately. Thank you community group members for praying for him. I'm also feeling a little bit easier about school. I still have a lot to do but I had a few compliments from a professor last night at class and that re-energized me. I am one of those perfectionists who freaks out and doesn't want to turn anything in because it isn't perfect. I've learned to get over that in the past year b/c in graduate school you don't have an option of turning things in late and my professors (or at least two of them) figured me out and told me that I had to quit that habit. (I also don't like to try new things unless I know I'll succeed in it -- which is absolutely silly b/c I couldn't know unless I tried.) But I still think whatever I've done for class isn't good enough because I'm a little amazed that I'm still in school. That's why when I find out that I'm actually one of the better students I'm tickled. It's funny to remember that Andy also never really believes that he is as smart as he is -- so why do I think that's so strange when I do it myself?

Anyway, I wrote a paper yesterday on The Subjection of Women, one of the first essays written for women's rights in England -- I think it was about in 1860s. I want to quote two of the statements that I quoted in my paper because they are so cutting and poignant. I think it's worthwhile to mention them.

“[M]en usually see only what they already had in their own minds.”
“[W]as there ever any domination which did not appear natural to those who possessed it?”

just super

Did you know that I really like superhero movies, especially the new ones being remade by DC Comics? "Batman Returns" was the best remade film, but Superman is my favorite superhero.

Reasons why Superman is the best superhero:

1. Unlike all the other major superheroes, he's an alien.

2. His story (his father sending his only son to help the human race) mimics the Christ story.

3. He has a mythological past that keeps the story interesting. Both Batman and Spiderman only have their namesake creatures, an aged relative, and more and more introduced enemies to keep their stories interesting.

4. He was the first superhero created.
5. Clark Kent is apparently fashioned after Atticus Finch.

6. Superman is a cool guy who's alter ego is a dork. Spiderman is a dork who's alter ego is a cool guy.

a little relief

Well, I feel much better. We are now living in our simple undecorated tiny apartment and I am thrilled. I didn't realize how stressed I felt about staying in the Wilkin's home because I was afraid that we (especially Daphne) would damage it. I also feel less stressed because I talked to my dean on Friday and he told me that he doesn't think I'll have a problem passing the exam and he gave me a few tips on how to alter my preparation for it. Also, my boss is allowing me to use vacation time for the whole week before the exam, which is on a Saturday.

My Dad told me that I should write that Andy and I won't be able to give Christmas presents this year because we're too busy with school and moving. Well, he's right. Did you read that Dad? I acknowledged that you are right. However, he forgot how obsessive I get about Christmas presents. I shopped for almost everyone at the beginning of the summer. I don't have presents for a few people, so if you're one of those (of course, you won't know if you are one of those until Christmas) read this. I'm going to modify Dad's advice a little and give those, for whom I haven't shopped for, gift cards of modest amounts. That way I won't have to shop or wrap anymore than I have already. Moreover, we won't be able to afford to give presents except to our immediate families -- I've made something small for the extended family, but we don't have the time or money to give anything to our friends this year. I know you probably don't care, but I love giving gifts and I wish I could give everyone I care about a token of that feeling.
Anyway, I thank you for understanding!

Half of the semester is over

and it is making me panic. I've a lot left to do! To Andy it seems like a relief, I guess because he's excited about moving on and because it is easier for him to forget what is going on and focus only on school. I have trouble doing that.

I finally finished my resume so I'm mailing my application for alternative certification in Oklahoma tomorrow. I don't think I'll get it before the new year so I doubt I'll find a position for the spring semester. I suppose I'll look around for editing jobs or secretarial work since I'm fairly good at that sort of thing. It's not what I really want, but it will be a nice brain-break and it will pay the bills. I'll just have to see what God has in store for me.

We're moving into our apartment Friday and I'm looking forward to having a kitchen to cook in again. No matter how much I enjoy staying with someone, I'm always happy to be back in my own space. Have you ever thought of what things or feelings you associate with your home? I wrote an excellent paper on this topic (very few of my papers are good, I produce maybe one a year) and I might share it because I think this topic is interesting and easy to talk about. Everyone has something to say about their home or lack of a home. Feel free to share. I really appreciate those who have commented on past blogs! It is encouraging.

flip-flop

I think it is funny that two hundred years ago the separation of church and state was to keep the government from running the church, not to keep the church or religion out of the government. And now, the issue has reversed and the people who are outspoken about the separation are so because they want to keep religion out of government. I don't know if this is good or bad, but this is how it is.

today's update

We haven't officially obtained a place to rent. We've called everyone listed and only one place will allow us to rent for only three months. Most rental places hung up after they heard "fifty pound boxer." It's sad that so many people have abused the rental system so that property owners naturally distrust them. As Nana says, "renters are C-grade people." But we're not. We're clean, quiet, and we usually go to bed at a decent hour. So it's too bad that we can't convince these people that they would be much happier with us for three months than the people they will probably get for six. Oh well. At least there was one place willing to take us! I feel a little like Joseph and Mary. But, as I just remembered, God provided in their case as He will in ours.

apology

I'm sorry about my last post. I think it was wrong of me to step up on that soapbox because I have just as many issues as the people I was writing about. Bob reminded me that we're not supposed to judge the people that God came to love -- we're supposed to love them as He does. People probably look at my life and see glaring problems too. And their sins aren't any worse than mine just because I don't do the ones they do. So, I am sorry.

realist

I'm a realist. I like to be blunt and I like it when people are blunt. I don't mean rude or unkind but straightforward and honest. One of the many reasons I was (and still am) so attracted to Andy is because he is very honest and he doesn't tell me things just to make me feel better (even though I've wanted him to at times.)

So I've been surfing on Myspace.com where one may locate old friends or classmates. I've contacted several and several have contacted me. Few reunions make me happy because I've noticed a trend in people my age. Most seem only to be concerned with being the sexiest (the women do this) or the coolest (the men do this) or the most fun-loving (all do this.) I know if they were to meet me in person today they would find me dull and probably snobbish. In fact, from conversing on myspace most are bored with me already. I'm not telling you this because I'm upset about not being cool. I'm upset because I feel sorry for the people who are killing their bodies and their souls. I'm telling you all now that you can't live fast and live well for long. Your health will most likely catch up to you. And I'm telling all the women something that my old pastor Jason told me: There will always be somebody prettier, smarter and better than you. In other words, it is worthless to try to be the top and it is better to just be satisfied with who you are and how you were made. And I don't understand women (not teenagers, but women) who want to be the sexiest. I only want to be sexy to my husband and I have no desire to entice any other man. For the sake of my younger readers I won't go further into this. I'm just sad for mankind. And if you're reading this and thinking that I'm self-righteous I assure you I am not. I have ugly parts just like everyone else. And I blog about them from time to time.

rerun

Yes, I am sleepy again.
Very sleepy.

Well, we're finally almost out of the Wilkin's home. We've packed up the majority of our stuff (and it's a lot of stuff) and we're staying with a very nice couple, the Gordons, tonight and the following nights until next Wednesday when we move into the Manry's home to mooch off of them for awhile. I had to rip up my tomato plants and leave behind my herbs because I didn't have time to re-pot them. Leaving the house was sad too, but I'm so tired that it's a below-the-surface kind of sad. Everything will be better with a good deep sleep.

Funny quote: "Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone? That way, he learns that wishing isn't going to save our national forests."

Oh and... HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CAROLINE!