Thursday, November 01, 2007

seizures scare me

I'm sure they scare everyone, but I feel so helpless and useless and angry when they happen to other people.
Daphne had seizures when she was little and it terrified me. I would hold her while her body jerked and she peed on herself.
(And she's a DOG for goodness's sake -- I never imagined seeing it happen to a boy in real life!)
Today while I was on bus duty a boy (in freezing cold weather with no coat on) had a seizure. He's known to do this from time to time but I had only witnessed the aftermaths. Today I was walking in a line with four other boys and he just dropped to the ground. On of the boys said, "Oh God, Devin is having another seizure." I told him to run to the office and tell them. Thank God that Devin was walking on the grass and not on the curb where I was. He is a very big guy and his seizure was violent. I tried to keep his head on the grass not knowing if I was making him uncomfortable by moving the hair out of his face and keeping my hands on him. Was he embarressed? Scared? Ticked off that this was happening at school again? It scared me. I kept thinking "what if this boy were my son, how would I feel? what would I do?" I wanted to hold this huge boy in my arms and tell him that I hated what was happening to him and wish it were me instead. But he's almost a man and I'm not allowed to do those things. I'm not entirely sure how I feel now that it is all over, but I know it is still bothering me.

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