Saturday, September 20, 2008

your dreams have come true, now what?

I'm finally pregnant.

And it's a little hard to believe. I mean, I know I am because I'm nauseated most of the day, certain body parts are hurting, and I had a positive test a few weeks back. But it's hard to wrap my mind around it. For the last five years I've been whining about wanting to be pregnant and now I am. It kind of shut me up for awhile. I was giddy for the first few days, but now I only get giddy if I'm talking to my family about it. A person can't stay giddy I don't think, and I am tired, but still. Or maybe it's Andy. He has a way of mellowing out any giddiness and he still seems more worried about the future than excited. But he does assure me that he is excited, way deep down. My mind is wheeling with "what if" games and I can't seem to silence it. Boy or Girl? Are we moving or not? Who will the baby look like? When will I be able to get an ultrasound so I can see my baby? If we move, are we moving in town or out of the state again? What are the dogs going to be like around the baby? Will I have enough time for them? Will I continue to teach? Will I get fatter? When will I have a big tummy? Will my child love me when they are older? Will they be honest and honorable like their dad? Will they be quick and caring like me? Will they not like onions like their dad? Will they like to play board games with me? How close will they be to their cousins and grandparents if we live far away? How can we manage the holidays without those holidays becoming un-enjoyable? And such. I'll stop now.

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