Thursday, March 29, 2007
freedom from food
Last night I had a breakthrough, or I guess, God had a breakthrough with me. I realized (obviously) that I was gaining 10 lbs a year since I got married four years ago. “Why since you were married?” you ask. Well, I could give the pat answer that everyone gains weight when they get married, but that isn’t true. Most “everyone” and “always” statements aren’t true. I realized that when I married, we, of course, moved away from all our friends and family. This combined with the inevitable let-down of “oh, I married a fallen human like me” made me feel lonely and depressed. So, with my past of medicating my loneliness and depression with things, I think that I tried to medicate myself food, because food wasn’t sinful and you have to eat right? You’ve heard it all before from others, I’m sure. Okay, so, food isn’t sinful or bad, but my lust and obsession with it is. (Graduate school and the huge amount of stress that followed simply aggravated my problem to the point that I began to notice it.) Eating past the natural mechanism of my body recognizing fullness is bad. God created that mechanism to keep everyone at a healthy weight and I think it is something we should obey instead of being slaves to our stress or emotional problems. God doesn’t want us to be slaves to anything – He came to set us free! So I’m thrilled that finally I’ve realize that I’ve made food (and therefore myself) and idol and that I need to tear that idol down. I’m praying that God shows me the difference between stomach hunger and emotional hunger. I’m praying that God helps me listen to my “fullness mechanism” and obey it. I’m thanking God for setting me free from yet another master. I will not gain another ten pounds feeding my feelings.