tomorrow it begins

I start my teacher-in-service time tomorrow. I'm a little nervous and I either caught a cold in my classroom or I'm highly allergic to the large amounts of dust I stirred up by cleaning the computers and the chalk board. I freaked out by the feeling of chalk on my fingers but no one was there to see. Just so you know, I also can't stand the feel of newspaper for very long and I absolutely will avoid touching velvet. Strange, I know, but I've found out recently that other people have even stranger quirks. My head feels like cotton that is being pounded upon so I think I'll try to go ahead and get to bed. Ugh, but I still have dishes to do. Which reminds me of an awesome quote that I just read off of Doug Hill's facebook page: "Everyone wants to save the world; no one wants to help mom do the dishes."

the coveted car

Of course, I prefer the Versa, but Andy is afraid it is too small to be very safe.
This is a Mazda 3 5-door.

Stephen Colbert I don't feel like dancin

consistently amazed by genius of American inventors

http://www.catgoods.com/index.html

Great Sand Dunes National Park a.k.a. the happiness tree grows in the Rockies

quotes for the current me

Donald Miller wrote, "It doesn't make a great deal of sense that a person who went to Bible college should have a better shot at heaven than a person who didn't, and it doesn't make a lot of sense either that somebody sentimental and spiritual has greater access."

I struggle with that a lot b/c I'm not outwardly emotional or as sentimental as others and I used to think that it was a fault in me. It's not, it is just me.

"I think it is more safe and more beautiful and more true to believe that when a person dies he will go and be with God because, on earth, he had come to know Him, that he had a relational encounter with God not unlike meeting a friend or a lover or having a father or taking a bride, and that in order to engage God he gave up everything, repented and changed his life, as this sort of extreme sacrifice is what is required if true love is to grow. We would expect nothing less is marriage; why should we accept anything less is becoming unified with Christ?"

I read this in Zambia and it gave me hope. I want to yearn for my God as I yearn for Andy. I want to turn to Him as I would love to do to a close friend. I'm working on this; I'm hoping and praying for this.

And later in "Searching For God Knows What" he also wrote this: "the thing about being religious [is that] it isn't this safe place in the soul you can go, it has just as many booby traps as any other thing you can get yourself into. It's a bloody brothel, in fact. Jesus even says there will be people who will heal other people, but when they die He is going to say He didn't KNOW them. It is somewhat amazing to me, once again, that all Christianity, all our grids and mathematics and truths and different groups subscribing to different theological ideas, boils down to our KNOWING Jesus and his KNOWING us."

More Zambia Pictures

Sarah Scurry sharing the gospel with Audi via the EvangaCube.

Audi putting shoes on one of her boys.

My boys (Gift, Daniel, and Charles) playing a clapping game Audrey and I taught them.

Me with Idah.

Princess, Eneydia, Bridget, and Rachel

Beauty, Idah, Josephine, and Madalisto (I gave her that name -- it means blessing. Her original name was Misozi, which means tears.)

Gift, Thelma, Ruth, and Matongo

Me and Barbara with all the girls

This is Clara.

preparing to be disappointed?

Should I be, really?
Or is it best that I'm hopeful about how my class will listen to me and engage themselves in their own education?
I'm just simply scared. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm afraid that I won't be prepared.
Right now I'm trying to develop my class rules and policies and syllabi. That alone is making me sweat and making my stomach ache.
But I'm going to do it -- and I'm going to do it today, even if I must modify it continuously through the next three weeks before school begins.
How do you facilitate engaged learning? How does a teacher teach without teaching? (Meaning: how do I get the boogers to motivate themselves and thereby give them the single most important thing they'll need in life? Well, besides a Savior.)

Hey peeps, I'm back

Here are a few pics. I'll write TONS later.
This is Sheema. It's the staple meal for Zambians -- they eat it for lunch and dinner.

This is me eating Sheema. Got to love the hair. My partner, Daudi Lifa, who made the meal, is next to me.

This is Audrey with Chisomo. Remember his name, you'll hear more about him soon.

Here are the rest of her boys with her partner, Mutale Damon, and our helper Felix who is wearing the green cap. (My group pics will come later, they are being developed.) The boys are holding certificates we made for them. They say "I am an Ambassador of Truth" and they have our pictures with the kiddos on them. They are very proud of these -- most have never seen a picture of themselves and most do not own anything, even the shoes on their feet are borrowed. When I gave my first group (girls) their certificates they told me (well, so my translator said) that they could not look at them for fear that their tears would hurt the photo.

The following pictures are of our second week where my group of boys prayed for Audrey's group of girls (we were teaching them to care for their brothers and sisters). These two pics are the girls returning the kindness.

whew!

OK so my passport came yesterday morning and I'm leaving today. I'm sure it wouldn't have come if 1. loads of people hadn't prayed for me, 2. Andy's Papa hadn't remembered that he knew the Senator's secretary, and 3. if the Senator's assistant hadn't called and asked for them to overnight it to me. YAY!

Yes, I'm getting nervous. My stomach hurts when I get stressed out and I feel like I can't calm down. So I'm just going to try to focus on enjoying my day with Andy. And if you like, you should contact him and hang out with him while I'm gone. I bet he'll be pretty lonely.

We're driving to Dallas tonight (hopefully we'll see fireworks) and I have to be at the airport in the morning at 8am. Then it is off to Miami and then off to London where I'll spend a whole day hanging out with my sister and her British fiancee. I'll visit one or two places and eat fish 'n chips! Then off to Zambia where we will settle in and be trained to work at the camp!

Keep praying for us! Thank you!

sorry no blogging

I'm sorry I haven't blogged and will not blog for awhile. I'm trying to get everything prepared for my trip to Zambia (my passport STILL isn't here!) and writing thank-you notes and freaking out about the upcoming school year and reading a very VERY long fantasy novel... um... and trying to prepare meals for Andy (for the time I'm gone) and clean the house -- I just don't have brain power to think of things to say.

I hopefully will post updates while on my trip.

;)

mad cows attack again

poor Andy

my classroom

I'm going to try to go look at my classroom tomorrow and so I've been thinking of how to decorate it.
I googled the idea and came back with a lot of really saccharine sweet ideas.
I DO NOT want my classroom to look like a typical Junior High English classroom. It will not be cutesy. I think those teachers are thinking of what old ladies would like, not young teenagers.
But I can't come up with too many ideas!
I've searched for reading posters and the only one I've found that wasn't cutesy is Xmen, and not everyone likes comics.
I was thinking I could scan covers of young adult novels that I have (I have a lot) and make a border around the room with them. Or if that's too expensive I could recreate the cover art as posters.
I also thought if there has to be a bulletin board that I would take funny posed pics of my students the first day of class and we would post them, b/c I'm sure all self focused preteens love pictures of themselves. And they could write a short bio on a note card that would be placed under the photo.
Maybe a grammar poster of some sort, but I don't know how to make that interesting and I'm not sure that I want the rules posted all over the place b/c then I would have trouble covering them up during quizzes.
You have any ideas?
What did you most like about your middle or secondary English classes and teachers?
My favorite thing was my 8th grade teacher Mr. Maher coming to class in a robe and beard screaming, "I AM ZEUS!" He is awesome.

SB Day 7

Okay I was bad Saturday. I went to OKC to meet Bri and her husband for dinner (and to pick up Tran from Amy's) and I ate a salad (we were at a nice Italian place, so it was hard ordering that) and I finished and then Bri said, "hey to do want to split a tiramisu?" and I paused and said, "Sure!"
I didn't eat much of it, really I didn't, and I wanted a whole lot more. So I wasn't too bad, but the effects were bad b/c now all (unlike the other days of diet time) I want is sugar! (proof that what I eat creates cravings for the same thing) I'm dying for some fruit and cold cereal and Blue Bell cookies 'n cream!
But then I weighed myself and I've lost 5.5 pounds. So I'll stick with it a little longer. ;) If I can make it to Zambia still on this stage of the diet than I think I'll have achieved a great deal. Then I can come back home and enjoy a little fruit here and a little Cherrios there. And, perhaps, Andy will take me out for ice cream.

Today, #7, is okay. I've been very good so far, but I have to exercise more. I'm not doing much of that yet.

msn messenger "Dreams"

emily says:
dreams:
emily says:
1. Andy as husband
emily says:
check!
emily says:
2. two doggies
emily says:
check!
emily says:
3. cute home
emily says:
check!
emily says:
4. own cute home
emily says:
5. teaching position!
emily says:
CHECK!
emily says:
6. Nissan Versa
emily says:
.....
emily says:
.....
emily says:
:(
emily says:
7. babies
emily says:
not yet
emily says:
8. couch covers
emily says:
9. various kitchen tools
emily says:
and lastly
emily says:
10. tiny diamond band
emily says:
or two
emily says:
that's all
emily says:
okay?
Andy says:
dang
Andy says:
what a list
Andy says:
what are you supposed to to when you get everything checked off
emily says:
live happily ever after
emily says:
add things for kids
Andy says:
i see
Andy says:
hmmm

SB Diet Day 3

I'm going to quit listing what I ate. I did well today, no cheating! But no exercise so far either b/c...
I had an interview at noon and I got the job! So Andy and I are going out to celebrate (but I will stick to my diet, I'll probably eat seafood and some veggies)! The principle had seven applicants before me but she called me with an offer 16 minutes after I left the building! So that must have been an answer. I feel bad about pouting about my current situation... but now all I can do is thank God and call everyone I know to shout in their ear that "I HAVE A TEACHING JOB! WOOHOO!"

SB Diet Day 2

I really wanted a bagel yesterday.
Today I really wanted a bowl of Cheerios. :(
Breakfast: Egg substitute and 2 pieces of turkey bacon, a cup of milk and a cup of coffee with just a little cream (I know that is cheating...)
Snack:cheese stick and almonds
Lunch:last night's leftovers
Snack:chesse stick and almonds again
Dinner:taco salad! and a jello
Exercise: walk for 30 minutes and 20 minutes of at home exercises.

SB Diet Day 1

Okay so eating to fullness is a fantastic idea. But that alone hasn't helped me loose weight.
So I'm trying the South Beach diet. I choose this one b/c I don't like counting things and b/c my blood chemistry (ratio between LDL and HDL and high triglycerides) is one main part of my health (along with weight, energy level, flexibility) that I want to improve.
The shocker for me, and something I still struggle with, is that I'm seriously overweight. I don't think I look it and I don't feel it, but when my picture is taken I notice it. For most of my life I've had an attractive body and so it is strange to me to not have one now. And I really haven't been thin for the past two and a half years. So something has to change. I want to be proud of how I look in the pictures taken at my sister's wedding. That's 19 weeks. So my goal is to loose 25lbs. by then and 40lbs total. To do that I thought I would confess my progress in my blog as I go. Besides, not many people read it anyway and hopefully I can encourage those who do if they also want to be healthier.
For 4 weeks I can not eat fruit or grains or table sugar. The point is to stay away from carbs that burn too quickly. After 4 weeks I introduce them gradually. I'll probably add the fruit back instead of the bread because I adore fruit and I'm very sorry to see it go, especially in a summer month!
DAY 1
Breakfast: 3 eggs for breakfast and one slice of thinly shaved deli ham.
Coffee without cream or sugar (this is the hardest thing!)
Snack: 15 almonds, yeah I counted them out b/c normally I eat about 40
Lunch: 2 turkey roll-ups (1 slice turkey with red bell pepper strips rolled in a lettuce leaf) ricotta cheese with a little almond extract and stevia and sliced almonds on top. A few broccoli florets dipped in makeshift ranch dip (a little mayo, a little sour cream, dill, garlic salt, pepper).
Snack: celery stick with low fat cheese
Dinner: 1 chicken breast cut up and mixed with cumin, chili powder, garlic, black beans, red bell pepper, chives, avocado, and spinach. Lightly sprinkled with reduced fat colby jack cheese. (I didn't realize until I was eating it that I'm not supposed to have avocado b/c it's a fruit!)
Dessert: sugar free jello (not so bad)

wonderful weekend; monday-like monday

Andy is gone again and I really didn't want him to leave. It seems like I need a day to feel close to him after a long absence and then one more day to be close. Then he leaves. But he can't help it, this month is the most important birding month for his position and if he doesn't get enough data he might have to work an extra field season. Which wouldn't be ideal, but just okay.
Audrey came to visit and it was a lot of fun. Big fun as my friend Jenny says.
I listened to "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger on CD while cleaning the house and enjoyed it. Although it didn't make it into my top ten it's one of the few books I've read that I wish I had written; I can see myself writing a story like this. Fervent, a little sad, and beautiful.
It's hard to recommend books. I know that when I do I'll be judged a little. Even by Andy. But I know that people who aren't dedicated readers or English majors or professors just aren't going to get why I love some stories. And why sometimes my favorite stories have sinful things in them. Well, sin permeates the world, doesn't it? But I know that isn't what people mean. They mean why do I love books where the sin isn't portrayed as sin. All I can say is sometimes I don't recognize my sin unless God (or a friend) points it out to me. And most exceptional novels are not written by christians. I haven't encountered a new Flannery O'Connor or C. S. Lewis. I'm rambling. But I'm bored at work and tired b/c it is hard to sleep when he is gone.
Oh yeah... I forgot to mention that when I mailed about 30 applications to surrounding schools (after a long time spent revising cover letters and resumes) the post office calculated the postage wrong and so I'm getting them returned to me asking for more postage or rejected by principles who aren't willing (why should they be?) to pay 23 cents to get my package. So wasted time. Wasted money. I was mad, of course, but it is okay now. My friend Doug shared with me a verse about God walking on the sea but His footsteps are invisible, meaning, Doug thinks, that we can't see His ways but He is moving. Moving, I hope, to find me a teaching position where I will bloom into the inspiring and engaging teacher I want to be.
I'm hoping. Anxiously even though I shouldn't. Waiting to see what He will do. Also hoping that I won't be bitter if it doesn't happen.

The Hazards of Birding OR Andy's strange day

While Andy was birding he happened upon a field of invasive (foreign plant that spreads) marijuana.
But that's not all.
He was trying to check into a motel (they were full and he stays in a motel b/c he is birding several hours away from home) when a lady begged him for a ride.
He was worried she might steal his work supplies because she looked like she used Meth but that discomfort was soon overshadowed by the discomfort of realizing that he had picked up a prostitute. YES. A Prostitute. I was bothered by this but now I'm just sad for her. I'm hoping that propositioning a complete stranger isn't a normal for her and so Andy, a man who is repulsed instead of attracted to the idea, picking her up would be a good thing. Thankfully he didn't have to take her far and dropped her off at a local grocery store.

mad cows and applications and money matters

I'm enjoying but not enjoying Andy being gone (for those of you who don't know he is doing his field research right now). On one hand, he's not at home and I miss having him around to hug and kiss on and I miss his help around the house. Taking care of both dogs all the time by yourself is annoying. On the other hand, I eat the foods I like, I can go to bed as early as I want with no complaint, and he calls me all the time. I probably talk to him more when he is gone than I do when he is home and I love it.

Today he called me at work around 10 to tell me that he was being attacked by a mad herd of cows. He said that he thought a bull may be charging him but then he saw the utters and he wondered if maybe it was just really really hungry. I had to keep from laughing too loudly (I work in a cubicle) as he told me how he was sampling the birds when all of the sudden a herd of cows began mooing very loudly and almost galloping to get near him. He began to move quickly away when he realized that they were cornering him against an electric fence. So being the brilliant man he is he went to the creek and for some reason the cows didn't want to cross and stood there mooing at him from the other side. I get a little nervous around a herd of cattle (b/c they look so dumb, I'm afraid they'll stupidly trample me) so picturing Andy running from a crazed herd is hilarious to me.

I've sent out over 20 cover letters and resumes to the schools within a thirty mile radius of my home. I'm still praying that God will bless me with a position where I'm not bored and where I feel useful/fulfilled/needed. Now I'm trying to guess at the appropriate time when I should call these principles and introduce myself and remind them of my resume. I wish I could go do this in person, but I have to take care of the dogs on my lunch break and I'm not allowed vacation time (since I'm using more than I'm supposed to for Zambia). I am so sick of sitting in front of a computer all day. I want to talk to people -- I especially want to talk to people about their lives and about stories and novels. I just don't understand why there are so many apathetic teachers out there and here I am, desperately wanting a teaching job -- a chance to see if I am who I think I am. Or to become who I want to be. I donno. I feel like screaming at the heavens like an annoying and impatient child, so I have to make myself calm down and wait. ugh!

I emailed this link to most of you, but check it out if you haven't: www.strawmanjesus.com

And on the website of the church who created Strawman Jesus, I found this quote (which I thought was good and it is what I've been thinking about lately -- money matters and how I want to handle my money in reflection of what God has done for me and of the poor billions of neighbors who need me to not be selfish):
"There is no better marker of the condition of our heart than the condition of our checkbook. Here's basically where we land on the whole money thing. God has redeemed you, sent is Son to a brutal atoning death by which you are forgiven of every single one of your sins, blessed you with every heavenly blessing, given you eternal life, adopted you into His family as a joint-heir with Jesus, brought your from darkness to light... and you're going to throw $10 in the offering? Do you realize that God uses our giving to continue His redeeming work among us through the existence of a local church that preaches the Gospel and loves the culture? When these truths hit home, you find yourself joyfully giving to the work of God."

overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed by the response I've had concerning my mission trip to Zambia.
Mercifully, I've had only one hateful remark -- the gospel is offensive and I'm sure I'll continue to offend. I offend with or without the gospel, don't I? I'm not sure that is a good thing... Anyway, back on topic.
The love I have been shown by my old church families and my biological family is astounding. My father supported me financially, even though he didn't want me to go. My Aunt Debbie set the record of sending Audi and me $1,000 each. Wow! My grandparents supported a friend of ours who didn't have enough fund money to go and my mom has provided things to sell in the garage sale she's planning and the revenue is going to purchase items for the Zambian children. My Mema and my aunt Susie provided us with names and addresses of extended family and friends, who in response sent us fund money. Because of these people Audi and I raised our total $8000 goal in a very short time period.
Fellowship Church of Russellville sent a large donation and some members did also. FCR also sent out postcards encouraging parents to raise "mission-minded children" by providing items to send with me to give the Zambian children. A few members of Trinity Bible Church in Richardson have supported me financially and are praying for me. Grace Stillwater Church is collecting items from me and today I had emails saying that they have 20 Bibles and a load of toothbrushes and toothpaste already! That's only one day after the request! I praise God for showing me His love and support and I am so thankful for these people who have actively shown me love. Thank you! (and FCR I miss you so so much)

one other thing

I forgot to mention that I passed my certification tests and am now applying for teaching positions. If you think of it, please pray for me. I would really like to get an offer from a school in the next five weeks (before I leave for Africa) because then I wouldn't have to return to my current position and could use that last two weeks of summer to prepare myself to face a group of teenagers. Whew! I'm nervous already!

just thinking

I was in the bathroom (all great thoughts occur in the bathroom, right?) and I was thinking about how much I love my younger sister. I am so thankful for her. She's funny, nice, a godly and genuine woman. But more than that, I have a longer history with her than I do anyone else. I can still remember a few things from when we were younger and I remember that I always knew (even when we didn't get along and when she moved away to A&M and when we didn't like who the other was becoming) that she would always be my favorite. I knew we would grow close again. It really wasn't an option not to. So I thank God for her.

Combine that gift with my most favorite person, Andy, and I have no reason to complain about anything. Who cares that I don't like my job or that my car bumper is falling off? Why should I care when God has given me two wonderful people who I know will always be there to participate in life with me as long as we are alive.

And yes, my sentimentality is mostly because I'm sleepy. I'm a much sweeter person when I'm this tired. But if I'm tired and stressed, well, just stay away, b/c probably only Andy and Audrey can handle me in that case.

ants in my pants

I just drank an energy drink and then used my entire lunch break to get groceries (why?) so I didn't get to eat (again, why?). I'm antsy and anxious.
Whew!
My grandparents (mema and pop) are coming over tonight b/c they are passing through OK. I'm very excited. I miss them a lot. During my growing pain years I would drive over to their house at least every other day even if they weren't home. I feel comfortable around them even when we don't talk. They fed me, listened to me, put up with me without comment - they truly loved me. I cannot wait to be a grannie. I want to be called Graham. I have to have the kids first, I guess, before I can have the grand kids.

rust never sleeps

Andy and I are finding that if you don't use it, you loose it.
I'm forgetting English grammar terms and historical facts.
Andy is a little rusty on bird calls and plants.
I feel dumber now that I'm not in school, but that isn't true. I'm just learning new things, I hope...
I hope I'm spending more time (than I was) focusing on myself. Meaning: my spiritual life, my maturity, and my personality. I want to change and I didn't feel as if I had time or energy to even think about that during graduate school.
Now I'm trying to morph my habits into healthier ones.
So I can finally figure it all out, right? Right?
Nope. But I have more time to think about it. ;)
And, hopefully, hear and obey God. I want those two things more than anything.

isn't it funny

that the times you really don't want to go to Bible study are the times where you leave so happy because you've gone?
I left last night feeling confirmed, refreshed, and befriended. I didn't want to go because I just wanted to stay at home with Andy. It seems like my time with him is more and more precious and I'm (a little illogically) yearning for time with him. But it is so nice to be in this stage of my life -- a stage where I feel comfortable (well more comfortable) around a group of women and a stage where I have women around me who actually seem to like who I really am (blunt, grumpy, loud and silent, unsure and too confident).

Andy will be in the field probably three nights of the week. It'll be wonderful to have him home the other nights, but I don't like to be alone in the evenings.

Well, I'm sending my application to high schools on Monday! Woohoo! I'm hoping for Lincoln, the alternative school in Stillwater. The position there is English/Home Ec (Consumer Science), which sounds like my top two hobbies!

this is my brain on stress

what can I do to get a job?
I'm so tired.
I wonder what I should make for dinner.
I need to scrub the mud of my shoes and get them off the porch.
Will I ever get a teaching job?
If they only knew how badly I wanted one, then I think they'd hire me.
Or would they? What's wrong with me?
It's hot in here.
I wonder if I'm pregnant.
what would that be like?
"Daphne stop it. Get down."
I need to walk the dogs, they don't get enough time.
I want a cinnamon bagel.
I should quit wasting my time -- I need to focus.
My car is dirty.
Crap I spilt food on my shirt again.
I'm so sleepy.
I don't like that shade of yellow.
Why can't I get to the post office?
I'll go to the gym in the morning. I should really go to the gym.
Some ice cream would be nice.
I wonder what Andy is doing.
Jee Whiz I'm tired.

The amazing Barn Owl

You may be thinking, "What is the world is that?"
It's not something the cat dragged in, we hope. It's a baby barn owl.
Or owlet if you want to sound more scientific.
Here are some amazing facts:
These owls don't have as good of eyesight as most other owls so they rely on their hearing, which is enhanced by the disc of feathers around their eyes that act like our ears do -- but better.
Their wings are broader and more rounded than other birds so that they can fly absolutely soundlessly. Why is this important? Well, if they are going to hear the mousie rustling in the grass and if they have super-hero level hearing than they wouldn't be able to hear the mouse below if they heard their wings. Make sense?
Andy and I are watching "The Life of Birds" an amazing (and amazingly long) series about... you guessed it, birds. Lame? NO. Absolutely astounding? YES.

wanting and waiting

I'm still looking for a job that is fulfilling and fun.
I've applied for OSU adjunct positions at both Stillwater and OKC campuses.
I'm taking my resume to the local Dept. of Ed tomorrow and then to other Depts. of surrounding cities.

Andy is beginning his work. He's trained with a PhD student on how to perform part of his research and next week he's going out to the field with his advising professor to check out the plots he'll be working on. Then he begins his research. It's exciting for me to see him be a true scientist and a happy one at that. Well, he's a little grumpy but only because he wants to get started. I understand that feeling! I want to get started on my true work also!

Wilson is growing, but not in brains. Daphne is acting badly lately, which is very unusual, so I'm trying to affirm her more often and if it would quit raining, I'd walk her.

Everything else is great. My flower bed looks nice but my veg garden is still a muddy mass of weeds. Hopefully I can finish it this weekend.

Flannery says we "don't realize how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross" (Jones).

Let's see if this will get you thinking and responding. Tell me what you think.

http://www.credenda.org/issues/18-2thema.php

Who's Afraid of Flannery O'Connor?
Douglas Jones

"Yes, and it takes all kinds to make the world go round," the lady said in her musical voice.

As she said it, the raw-complexioned girl snapped her teeth together. Her lower lip turned downwards and inside out, revealing the pale pink inside her mouth. After a second it rolled back up. It was the ugliest face Mrs. Turpin had ever seen anyone make, and for a moment she was certain that the girl had made it at her. She was looking at her as if she had known and disliked her all her life—all of Mrs. Turpin's life, it seemed too, not just all the girl's life. Why, girl, I don't even know you, Mrs. Turpin said silently.
Whoever thought the Holy Spirit could look like an annoyed girl's face, "blue with acne"? Or a sassy, club-footed boy? A tattoo? Or that Christ could appear as a bull? Or a carnival hermaphrodite?
That sort of list already puts off most Christians from having an interest in O'Connor. It's just all so unnecessary and ugly, they say. It's just more violence and weirdness in a culture already permeated with it.
I've found it terribly difficult to get modern Christians to read O'Connor—even in healthy Christian communities. In my case, too, secular writers first made me sit up and notice O'Connor. They praised her technique and famous opening paragraphs. They lauded her tension and dialogue. Flannery O'Connor won several notable writing awards during her life, even while the secularists didn't really have a clue about her Christian realism.
Flannery O'Connor is easily the most important and talented and self-consciously Christian short story author of the twentieth century. Nobody else is close. I've seen her stories revolutionize people's lives, and yet most Christians have never even heard her name. Sure, many Christian academics and writers sing her praises, especially of late. But we should all know her stories inside and out; they should be easy allusions in conversation; they should be common parables in our teens' mouths. And we need to master her style and absorb her insights before the next generation can build upon her gifts.
Dark and Disruptive Grace
Still, something's odd about selling Flannery to Christians. Even when people know about her superior technique and Christian frames, they still usually choke after a story or two. Too rough. Too troubling. They're not hard to read, they'll admit, but still, there's all that weirdness and death.

None of her stories, though, turns out to be as gruesome as common PG-13 fare. She places most of the ugliness off screen. Her stories do not fit in horror categories at all. Her use of the grotesque and ugly doesn't delight in power or shock value. All her stories focus on grace, grace, grace. That's what they're about. Every one of them. Real people wrestling with bodily grace.
And that's what disturbs many readers. They don't want their grace black. It feels like an alien faith to them, and they resist it. O'Connor herself heard this complaint. In her essay "The Catholic Novelist in the Protestant South," she argued against that pietism typical of Christian readers: "The reader wants his grace warm and binding, not dark and disruptive."
Here's the rub: her stories might be more palatable to modern Christians if she were just writing shock-jock horror stories. Frank Peretti sells, after all. That sort of writing goes down easier because we don't really believe it. It feels like someone else's world. It's alien enough that we're not truly threatened. But O'Connor's world is too close. And if her picture of dark grace is right, then our typical take on life fails.
Since Victorian times, Christians have tended to picture grace as cottony and covered with rubber. Grace always comforts and smoothes our furrowed brows; it always, always wipes away our tears, so sorry for them. We believe God is all-good; He's pretty much a nursery-school attendant, pink and white, who doesn't want anyone to get cut. In fact, we're surprised when people actually bump their heads. Pain seems unnatural to us. It's a no-no, and God is on our side. He never touches the stuff Himself.
In short, we believe deeply that all evil is bad. That's the heart of modern Christian faith. All evil is bad. It permeates our day-to-day lives, our work, our sermons, our struggles, our analysis of disasters. All evil is bad. And if so, then grace has to be Nice. Grace and niceness become interchangeable, and Flannery sees this as a (if not the) chief source of wickedness in the modern world. It's a lie about grace.
All Evil is Not Bad
O'Connor repeats the biblical theme that "grace cuts with the sword Christ said he came to bring." Grace cuts. It hurts; it slices; it makes us bleed. It "is never received warmly. Always a recoil," she says, and her stories show this time and time again.

In fact, Flannery's favorite target tends to be nice, mild, middle class ladies, full of decent and righteous advice. Nice ladies. Elsie Dinsmore all grown up. Yet these women lie about grace all day long. They lie about Christ as they go about trying to make a utopia of niceness. Grace is much more surprising than their Victorian sensibilities could ever imagine.
Some cringe at O'Connor's disposal of these ladies. Flannery famously gets a reader to side with a decent but perhaps slightly flawed lady, and then the story slowly turns grim. We see her smile is grounded in pettiness or deep bitterness. Finally, she has a severe encounter with dark grace. Nice readers close the story quickly and refuse to go on to another. It's as if the reader herself has been roughed up unjustly.
But that's the point. Flannery just reflects Christ's priorities. He was much softer on thieves, prostitutes, and murderers than he was on polite, middle class Pharisees. Christ berates and belittles and promises death-from-heaven for the most decent citizens of Jerusalem. The good, law-abiding Rotarian sorts incense Christ's deepest anger. And, in Flannery's stories, grace hunts them down. All evil is not bad. Some evil comes to shake us out of our sin; some evil comes to liberate us. Some evil is a gift of grace. Grace gnashes.
In Scripture, too, grace often appears evil. Sometimes it comes swooping down in the form of serpents. On the journey to Mount Hor, God's people complained bitterly. Nice middle-class people, not criminals. Yet God's dark grace came in horror story fashion: "The LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and many of the people of Israel died" (Num. 21:6). Imagine standing with that group of believers. Fiery serpents storm your spouse and children. All the screaming. All of grace. Surely fiery serpents were a bit of divine overreaction? God doesn't want to upset anyone does He? No. Wrong God.
Dark grace came to Noah in an ancient tsunami; to Abraham in that mad command to execute; to Isaac in faux hairy arms; to Jacob in a midnight wrestling assault; to Joseph in a deep pit; to Moses, that "bridegroom of blood," at a peaceful motel. (O'Connor herself never even approaches the level of relentless dark grace the Lord plays out in the book of Job; she's a softy when set next to that story.) The list goes on. O'Connor observes, "evil is not simply a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be endured."
Go through and count up all the dark grace that nice people face in Scripture. Right from God's throne. All evil is not bad. It's heavenly. It jolts our stories in surprising ways. It brings health. It reveals the glorious danger deep inside the Godhead.
Flannery says we "don't realize how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross." The cross. Yes. The darkest grace. Right at the center. All evil is not bad.
O'Connor summarizes this at the end of her essay, "The Fiction Writer and His Country," where she explains, "St. Cyril of Jerusalem, in instructing catechumens, wrote: `The dragon sits by the side of the road, watching those who pass. Beware lest he devour you. We go to the Father of Souls, but it is necessary to pass by the dragon.' No matter what form the dragon may take, it is of this mysterious passage past him, or into his jaws, that stories of any depth will always be concerned to tell."
Comic Core
And yet O'Connor does not think the story of life plays out as a tragedy. Cyril's dragon isn't in control. In a letter, Flannery noted, "Naw, I don't think life is a tragedy. Tragedy is something that can be explained by the professors. Life is the will of God and this cannot be defined by the professors; for which all thanksgiving." She grounds dark grace in laughter, cosmic laughter springing from the triumph of the Trinity. In our trinitarian world, the devil is always a stooge, always something of a fool tricked by Father, Son, and Spirit. O'Connor's stories are full of "devils," and she notes, "the Devil can always be a subject for my kind of comedy one way or another. I suppose this is because he is always accomplishing ends other than his own." He's always the straight man, always used for a deeper end. But this sort of comic world, too, unnerves some Christians; it's too unserious for them, too unpredictable.

Readers of Flannery's letters note her easy humor and wit; her letters reveal someone who laughs and makes others laugh easily. Explicit comic elements show up in every one of her stories. She takes particular delight in satirizing modern academic secularists, but no story passes without irony and great comic lines. Yet her comedy goes even deeper.
Writing teachers regularly note that if the writer doesn't love a character then the reader won't be able to either. It's an intangible of writing. Line up Flannery's worst protagonists and villains, and when you step back from her treatment, you realize she loves them all dearly, the serial killers and the pharisees. This is really quite an amazing feat. You can see this in contrast to someone like Walker Percy, another Catholic writer often compared to O'Connor. In Percy's Lancelot, for example, there's no doubt that Percy loathes his protagonist from beginning to end, and the reader can't help coming away with the same dragging disdain. In some ways that's too easy for a writer.
Flannery did not loathe herself or her life, and so when she identified with her characters, her sympathy for them showed up easily. She casually noted that her stories "lack bitterness," something unfathomable to those who read her too quickly. She once wrote to a friend about her characters, "Hulga is like me. So is Nelson, so is Haze, so is Enoch." Her sympathy for herself in them shows clearly. All of her characters show signs of being loved. In this way, Flannery's writing again imitates divine love for the ugly and self-righteous. This is the gospel: "While we were yet sinners. . ."
On top of this, when you read a group of her stories, a pretty amazing pattern emerges. You soon realize how her visitations of dark grace stand out as huge gifts when compared to actual life. Most people's actual lives seem to be Flannery characters who never have the privilege of meeting dark grace. Think of the people around you. Think of the secularists. Most go on for decades in their self-deception and self-righteousness and pettiness until their bitterness just grinds to a close at the end. No revolutions. The majority of people have always seemed to live tedious, small lives. But in Flannery's world, it's as if dark grace intrudes regularly. People who would have probably been handed over to let their sin slowly destroy them get this amazing explosion of grace that turns them inside out. Because of this, her stories start to read like gift after gift after gift. You start to long for more dark grace in actual life since it produces such wonderful turns of redemption. It's as if Flannery's stories are a photo album or a hall of fame of great moments in surprising grace, a pattern so far from do-the-dishes life. Maybe we have not because we ask not.
Don't be afraid of Flannery. Let her mess with your head. Let her disturb you. As she observed, "all human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful." She's not the first or the last word, but she has an amazing grasp of Christian drama, and it's hard to see how contemporary Christian culture can mature without having her stories or others like them very deep in its bones. Let her show you how surprising grace is, how dark and healthy it can be, what a gift it is. Let the ugly girl in the waiting room turn her lip inside out again, let her make a loud noise through her teeth, let her fingers clamp onto the soft flesh of your neck.

The Secret = load of crap

Do not buy this book. It's complete farce.
The author states that if you imagine yourself at your "perfect" body weight than you will become your perfect body weight.
Just like when I think happy thoughts I can fly.
I don't feel fat. When I look in the mirror, I'm continually shocked that I look as pudgy as I do. I am clinically overwieght and no amount of brain power is going to get me back to my healthy body weight. If it could, I would be thinner.
My advice is the same as Queen's: "Get on your bikes and ride!"

names

no I'm not pregnant. I just process a lot of paperwork and see a lot of names so I think about what names I like a lot.
Let's see what you think. They are in the order that I like them.

Boys:
Asher -- blessed, happy.
Nathaniel -- gift of God.

Girls:
Elena -- bright light.
Maegan -- little pearl or gentle.
Elise -- consecrated to God.
Amie -- beloved.
Alice -- truth or noble.

"Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips" (Psalm 141:3).

I posted this article from Credenda Agenda b/c I had a problem with slandering this week, and I thought it was a well written article.

The Piercings of a Sword
Nancy Wilson

Proverbs is full of insight and observations about the power and effects of the tongue. The tongue can either be a wellspring of life, or it can be the source of much grief: "There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health" (Proverbs 12:18). Backbiting, criticism, cattiness, tattling, and being a busybody are all ways of stirring up mischief with the tongue. It is not surprising that the terms we use for this are backstabbing or backbiting. Words are used as a weapon by those who don't mind fighting dirty, shooting, stabbing, and biting behind the back. This is like the piercings of a sword: it inflicts pain and does real damage.

In Psalm 15, the psalmist asks, "Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in thy holy hill?" The answer given in verses 2 and 3 includes, "He that. . . speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue. . . nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour."
God takes the evil tongue very seriously. He doesn't want any backbiters in His tabernacle; He will not have them on His holy hill. The contrast in these verses is between the one who speaks the truth in his heart and the one who takes up a reproach against his neighbor. If you speak the truth in your heart, you are less likely to take up a reproach. And once you have taken up a reproach, backbiting will come next.
What is backbiting? It is spreading slander with the desire to hurt, annoy, humiliate, or damage someone's reputation. It is spiteful, malicious, and false. The young widows in I Timothy 5 don't have enough to do, and so they start wandering from house to house and "speaking things which they ought not." They are talking too much about other people's affairs. This kind of careless speaking usually puts a spin on the real story, embellishing, exaggerating, attributing motives, complaining, and just plain making stuff up. And the truth is, God hates it.
Not only are the young widows singled out regarding their tongues, but deacons' wives in 1 Timothy 3 must not be slanderers, and the older women who are qualified to teach the younger women in Titus 2 must not be false accusers. It seems pretty clear that Scripture requires women of all ages and all callings to be very careful with their conversation. Sinning with the tongue can be the means for "the adversary to speak reproachfully" (1 Tim. 5:14); it can disqualify a husband for the office of deacon; and it can prevent the older women from teaching the younger women. In other words, it is a hindrance to the health and productivity of the church.
There is much provocation in this world; we all have many temptations to take up a reproach and a grievance. People sin and they do it all the time. While there is much need to extend forgiveness and put on tender mercies, it is far easier to be offended, annoyed, and hurt. And if we allow the annoyance to take root, it turns into bitterness overnight. Once the grievance takes root in the heart, out of the mouth comes the nasty fruit of backbiting, slander, and even lies: all piercings of a sword.
Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:24). Once it has come out of the mouth, it betrays the contents of the heart. If a reproach resides in the heart, backbitings will shoot out the lips, and there is no way to assess all the damage done. Repentance has to begin with an acknowledgment of the bad heart attitude; then restitution has to be made for the careless words.
Women in the church are called to be standing in their duties: praying, rejoicing, worshiping, loving, forgiving. Women are to adorn themselves with good works (1 Tim. 2:10), and God has given them many resources to enable them to be helpers in the gospel, supporting and comforting, bestowing and sacrificing, all which then builds the church community up into a beautiful building. It is the foolish women (Prov. 4:1) who tear the place down with their own hands and their own mouths.
But "the tongue of the wise is health." Proverbs describes the mouth, lips, and tongue of the righteous as a well of life, as choice silver, as feeding many, as bringing forth wisdom, and as sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Women have an obligation to use their lips to build up and not to tear down, to feed rather than poison, and to make healthy rather than wound. This has a huge impact on the home, the church, and the community. When women refuse to participate in backbiting and careless criticism, it preserves the unity and health of the church. But when they criticize and complain, it causes division and factions that tear down and destroy.
Ask yourself a few questions about your own record of tongue behavior: Does your husband receive food, wisdom, sweetness, and health from you? Do your parents? Your children? Do your elders and your pastor rejoice to have such a wise woman in the congregation? Are you quick to see and point out the faults of others? Do you speak carelessly or uncharitably? Are you quick to listen to reproaches, believe them, and pass them on to others? What is the tone in your home? Are you tearing people down or building them up?
We need a guard on duty all the time to keep us from unwise, careless words. Psalm 141:3 asks God to be this guard: "Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips." This is the attitude we must adopt if we want to be done with careless, destructive words.

Locks of Love

My friend Tran donated her long beautiful hair to the above organization (in support of Keira -- see the site link to the right for Keira's and Tran's sites). If I can get my hair the minimum 10" length than I will too and I want to encourage you ladies to do the same. Especially if you are planning on cutting your hair short for summer anyway. http://locksoflove.org/donate.html

a few misc. things

I had a good birthday. Andy took me out to dinner and we had steak fajitas. And he gave me the two things I wanted the most: the new Diana Wynne Jones book and an OXO Pastry Scraper, which I've wanted for a long time. I ended up cutting my thumb with it while washing dishes, but that just shows its superior quality b/c it has such a fine edge. And I bought myself two extremely high quality cake pans. Overall, the birthday blues stayed at bay.

My health check-up proved profitable. I am not crazy. Woohoo! The doc said I was moderately depressed (which I knew, people get depressed when they move)and he said I have a little genetic condition of low good cholesterol (there is good and bad cholesterol, my bad c levels were perfectly fine) and high triglycerides. Apparently, my Papa (maternal grandfather) has the same thing -- but it isn't harmful, apparently, if you stay at a healthy body weight. Which mean, I have to loose some weight, which I already knew, but now I have a concrete reason which I hope will motivate me to stop myself from overeating. And I need to go to the gym, b/c then I can eat more. ha. ha. I wish everyone could have seen the doctor's face as he was trying to gently tell me that I needed to loose weight. As if I would start crying or something. It was hilarious.

I know something about love

The title I stole from someone else's post b/c I think I know more about love than she.

The reason, or at least the most concrete reason, that I know that God is loving is my husband -- the amazing fact that he wanted me, married me, and still loves me. Whenever I doubt God's love for me, God reminds me of the man who amazingly belongs to me as I belong to him.

Saturday

I'm taking my certification tests this Saturday, so if you think of it please pray for me. I'm sure I'll pass, but I fell asleep during the SATs, which was a long time ago, but I haven't changed much in that area.

Andy is going on an awesome birding field trip so the pups and I will sit on the floor and watch movies.

I applied for a different position at OSU and I'm hoping I'll get it, but I don't know if I will. Perhaps I'll teach... I wish I knew what I was going to be allowed to do. I think I know now what I want to do, but being hired... weeeeell.

And I'm finally getting a physical Friday which will prove one of two things:
1. I'm crazy b/c there isn't anything wrong with me at all, except that I don't exercise enough.
OR
2. I'm crazy b/c something is wrong with my brain or chemicals or hormones or whatever.

map of Zambia

yet another amusing Onion article

Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About Silas Marner

God rocks!

My fund money is completly raised! I can't wait to get a break from work to write all about it!
This is true: "Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24).

donations

Audrey and I have almost met our goal! We're only lacking 392.50 out of $8,000!
God is amazing! Some of the donations were from people we don't personally know and I had one donation from a girl I went to high school with (I haven't talked to her in at least 10 years)! Isn't that amazing?
I am overwhelmed with the support we have been given for this trip. Even our father, who doesn't really want us to go, supports us.

If you would still like to give money donations follow the instructions on an earlier blog to post online or you can mail your checks -- I'll send you the address if you want to do this.

I'll let everyone know when we have 100% of our goal.
After all of this giving I'm going to ask for even more. I ask that you would either make a donation to the Tree of Life school that is being built for the Zambian orphans. SEE: http://www.legacymissions.org/treeoflife.htm
Or collect non-monetary items for us to take over to Zambia.
The Missions is mainly asking for: tennis shoes, socks, Bibles, crayons and pencils, medicine, fleece blankets, children's clothes in good condition, Christian books, tapes, or CDs.
Audrey and I are going to buy some of these things in bulk for wholesale so if you would rather give us money to get these things than getting them yourself please let us know.
I am coming to Russellville asap, which will probably be a weekend in late May or early June.
I will be in Dallas again May 5-6th.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.

On TV Tonight

Don't Miss Tonight...

ABC Nightline Report on Zambia

This report is part of a series entitled "Key to the World" by reporter Bill Weir. It will air on ABC at 10:35 p.m. central time.

The report will discuss current challenges in Zambia -- such as the infant mortality rate. To learn more you can also visit ABC's website: http://abcnews.go.com/search?searchtext=Zambia&type=feature

The picture was taken at last year's Camp Life.

New Wilson pics

He's still confined to the kitchen (poor boy) but I sit in the kitchen and play with him, which is what we're doing in the above pictures... until he fell asleep. His ears are not normally like this. I think the flash of the camera scared him a little (he's not nearly as brave as old Daphers).

donations for Zambia

Hello everyone!
Legacy Missions has made donating online possible. So if you would still like to donate, the deadline is fast approaching and I still need about $900. But think -- that means I have been given and have raised $3100! That's amazing!
Here's the website:
https://app.etapestry.com/hosted/FamilyLegacyMissionsInterna/OnlineDonation.html
Click on "support a short time missionary" and type in my name.
Thank you everyone for helping me get so close to my goal! God bless you!

slimming down

I've decided to quit blogging as much for awhile. I'll keep up this site in order to post pics (and videos I hope!) and to write George Family Updates. But I don't think I'll post as much any longer (this doesn't mean that I won't post, it simply means that there may be periods where I don't get to it). I'd rather focus my time with people face-to-face (but, of course, if I can't see your face too often we could write or talk).

on borrowing fantasy novels

So – a coworker gave me a fantasy book to read. I do like it when others give me books, but I don’t like it when they ask me what I think about it. Because, I’m let down. I explained to this guy how it wasn’t a great piece of fantasy, but that it was neat because it was a frame story and it followed the American tradition that Oz began: a beautiful girl, three men with very different traits, and a furry animal. In this case the furry animal is a wolf. Think of Star Wars… that’s the other best known work that follows this tradition. So that made the book cool to me, otherwise, it wasn’t all that gripping or fascinating. I could see where the story was going too easily, which is a problem I have with most fantasy writers. I like to be kept on my toes. Terry Pratchett and Philip Pullman do an excellent job of this. The only other fantasy series that isn’t written by an author who is as fantastic as Pullman that is worth reading (sorry for the convoluted phrasing) is the one about Harpo. If I can remember that series name, I’ll tell you. And, it’s a crying shame that the most gripping fantasy author writes NC-17 novels (his children’s novels are G-rated but unfortunately they aren’t as imaginative).

freedom from food

Last night I had a breakthrough, or I guess, God had a breakthrough with me. I realized (obviously) that I was gaining 10 lbs a year since I got married four years ago. “Why since you were married?” you ask. Well, I could give the pat answer that everyone gains weight when they get married, but that isn’t true. Most “everyone” and “always” statements aren’t true. I realized that when I married, we, of course, moved away from all our friends and family. This combined with the inevitable let-down of “oh, I married a fallen human like me” made me feel lonely and depressed. So, with my past of medicating my loneliness and depression with things, I think that I tried to medicate myself food, because food wasn’t sinful and you have to eat right? You’ve heard it all before from others, I’m sure. Okay, so, food isn’t sinful or bad, but my lust and obsession with it is. (Graduate school and the huge amount of stress that followed simply aggravated my problem to the point that I began to notice it.) Eating past the natural mechanism of my body recognizing fullness is bad. God created that mechanism to keep everyone at a healthy weight and I think it is something we should obey instead of being slaves to our stress or emotional problems. God doesn’t want us to be slaves to anything – He came to set us free! So I’m thrilled that finally I’ve realize that I’ve made food (and therefore myself) and idol and that I need to tear that idol down. I’m praying that God shows me the difference between stomach hunger and emotional hunger. I’m praying that God helps me listen to my “fullness mechanism” and obey it. I’m thanking God for setting me free from yet another master. I will not gain another ten pounds feeding my feelings.

Golden Compass Movie!

I know that this isn't very important, but I'm excited b/c it is one of my top five favorite books. Check out the website for a picture of Iorek, my favorite character! http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/
Here are some stills (the little girl is Lyra and Nicole Kidman is the evil Mrs. Coulter (she'll be great!):




Oh I love that look! She's thinking, "I'm going to do what is right, not what you say."

neat new mag

The Hills gave me a copy of this magazine. I loved it! And, sadly, I misplaced it at work today. So I found it online instead. I love the internet sometimes.
Check it out:http://www.credenda.org/

check out my awesome dad!

He's also on this website:http://www.huntinfo.com/etom/
This is his best deer ever; he was very excited, as he should be and I'm proud of him!

donations

Thank you so much everyone who has sent me donations! I'm floored whenever I get the report and I feel so loved! Thank you, thank you for supporting me. I promise I'll make my time in Zambia as worthwhile as possible through prayer, effort, and God's grace.

last night

I had dinner with three women from my new church last night.
The dinner itself was excellent -- I love eating with older women who have much more cooking experience than I do.
I'm going to see if I can recreate the dish.
A bag of pasta (cooked), 1/3 c olive oil, some amount of red wine vinegar.
two chopped red bell peppers, handful of basil, a bag of fresh spinach, a few roma tomatoes chopped, a small bag of fresh sugar snap peas, half of a purple onion diced, zest of one lime, about twenty calamata olives chopped, and about 1/4-1/2 cup grated parmesan. I added more cheese on mine of course. Oh yeah, and prosciutto also, sliced thinly.
We boiled the pasta and then put the peas in the water for one minute. Then we drained it and tossed it in a bowl with the oil, vinegar, and spinach leaves (to wilt them a little). Then we added everything else and tossed. It really is delicious.
The conversation was also wonderful to me, not that we talked about anything spectacular, but it was consistent and varied and I need time with women -- especially women like them. So, I had a good time.

update

I'm so ashamed. I said I was having a crap day; I am not having a crap day.

Keira Bowman, my friend's 11mo old daughter, is not doing as well as the parents had thought/hoped. Her cancer has spread to her bones. Please continue to pray. More tests are being scheduled; if you want dates or specific information her blog link is at the right under links.

yesterday cont.

Today has been a crap day. I haven't had one in awhile so it shocked me a little.

I feel tired all the time; I know it's probably because I haven't exercised very much since we've moved here. Hopefully I'll get my toosh out of bed tomorrow and start my routine again.

Playing at the Hill's house was enjoyable. They are a neat couple, they are in their mid to late forties and their oldest son played solo electric guitar with us. I really enjoyed it because I got to sing lead and I usually prefer to do that, unless the song is pitched too high. Andy played the drums and had a blast because he was able to play harder than I allow him to in the house. I start screaming when he plays too loud and then the dogs bark and it just gets louder and louder in the house. It's a silly situation. Oh and the Hills are both English teachers, which of course, is the coolest.

Wilson is finally beginning to be potty trained. But... he's already grown three times the size he was at 8 weeks. I think he'll be a big boy.

I worked in the yard last weekend and I love that first weekend outside doing yardwork. I planted flowers in the beds and in some pots and next Sat I'm hoping to till the garden and plant my herbs and veggies.

I'm taking my certification test on the 21st... I really really hope that I can find a position somewhere.

Little Willie, Psalm 19, other things

"The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart...
More to be desired aare they than gold, even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover by them is thy servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward" (Psalm 19:8-11).

I was writing -- but I just spilt my coffee all over me, so I'll write more later...

inspirtation and qtd. in Piper

I like nice things. I drool over Pottery Barn catalogs and me eyes feast on expensive homes. But that's not who I want to be; not how I want to live.

One page in the Piper book I'm reading made me feel that I am moving from the person who wants those things but gives them up for a greater purpose to a person who does not desire those things. Those desires don't have room in my head/heart when I focus on loving others and, more specifically, on my trip to Africa. Because I know how much I admire beautiful homes and the things in them I can say that this change in me could only be a divine change. I've never been able to change myself, particularly the bad parts... they always pop back up again when I try.

Let the goods and kindred go,
This mortal life also;
The body they may kill;
God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.

Martin Luther

yup

I'm reading a wonderful book titled "Desiring God." I'll tell ya'll all about it tonight. Unless Andy decides to take me on a hot date, but that's not likely b/c he stayed up late last night (I think he forgot his good study skills over the Christmas break) studying for an exam and we have to get up early to play music with the Hills. Who are they? Well, I'll tell you all about that too -- later.
I'm still fundraising for Africa. So, if you did feel lead to donate money then please do so soon. If you felt lead to donate other items I'll pick them up as soon as I'm able, you have until I leave July 5th to gather those. Thank you to all!
For everyone who is praying for my friends' baby, Keira, I'll let you know when the parents blog more about her.
Have a fantastic weekend. ;)
Oh yeah, and I went to see Man of La Mancha (loosely about Cervantes/Don Quixote)last Sunday -- Sancho was absolutely wonderful!

what do you do with weekends when you're all grown up?

So I don't have to study on Saturdays any longer. It's weird! Not that I actually studied, but I spent my day specifically finding things to do other than studying... like watch Andy study or bake or garden or something. Now that I don't have to avoid my work I'm not sure what I want to do.
Mostly I suppose weekends are simply a break from the day-to-day grind of the workweek. But if you love your job would you still need the break? I don't know. I don't love my job. It's a pretty good job and I'm thankful for it, though, don't get me wrong. But I do work in a cubicle and I do work for some people who ask me to do silly things or things that I think they should do themselves. I know this is a problem of mine, I complain about it at every position I've held where I'm not left to manage myself. But seriously, it seems to me that people enjoy being at the top so they may boss around others. Notice I said boss rather than manage. When my supervisor makes sure that we're all doing something and it's not the same thing (so that the work isn't done twice) that's management. When a person comes to you asking you to make copies when they are standing next to the copier, that's bossing. Or when a person chides you for making friendly conversation (really - why do people want the worker bees not to like each other, not to speak, not to be humans, but robots) and then walks down the hall to schmooze with the brass -- that's bossing, and it makes me furious. And I'm so hot headed and so prideful (I know it's wrong, I'm working on being humble) that I'm afraid I'm going to say something that will get me fired. Andy reminds me that working, which includes working at positions I don't enjoy, is for the goal of paying student loans, which will enable us to buy a home and save, which will enable us to start our family, which is my biggest hope and dream. That's all very comforting and wonderful for him to tell me, but I'm impatient. So yeah, I'm praying for patience and a humble heart.
Back to the Saturday. Well, I have a few projects and I suppose I'll go do them now, when I would prefer to say in my jammies and read a book. Staying in my jammies isn't bad, but I suppose I can't let my chores wait forever -- then they pile up and it is harder to deal with them.
I hope you have a wonderful Saturday.

A C. S. Lewis quote I love

"Nature never taught me that there exists a God of glory and of infinite majesty. I had to learn that other ways. but nature gave the word glory a meaning for me. I still do not know where else I could have found one. I do not see how the "fear" of God could have ever meant to me anything but the lowest prudential efforts to be safe, if I had never seen certain ominous ravines and unapproachable crags."

sorry for the absence

I've been too tired to bother with the computer after I've spent all day on it at work and after I have made dinner and supervised Wilson. Wilson is a very serious pup and I love him for that, but I'm not sure that he is as smart as Daphne. She was quickly potty trained and knows more tricks that any other non-show-dog that I've met since we've owned her. Yes, she's crazy when she meets new people, but at least she obeys in every other instance. Wilson, however, is a sweetie and isn't very hyper, but he still pees on the floor and chews random things and therefore must be constantly monitered.

I'm only going to type one more thing and it's for the ladies:
I just finished a book about makeup and skincare that my mother-in-law found for me at a thrift store (I had mentioned that I wanted to read it) so it was, of course outdated, by 10 years. However, the information on skincare was revoluntionary to me. I've been to various dermatologists since I was 13 and I have never made a significant impact on my acne. Taking antibotics worked for a good while to lessen the problem, but it renders oral contraceptives ineffective, and since I can't convince Andy to let me have children, I can't use those pills. Anyway. I spent a lot of money (and you know how I don't like to spend money on anything but food and clearance Pottery Barn items) on skincare products trying to find something that worked. Well, after 12 years of that I've realized nothing will cure my acne (except perhaps Accutane and that's not an option right now) and most things will hardly manage it. So why use products, who promise to "zap" my zits, that irritate my skin, which causes more acne? Well, I'm not doing that anylonger. Here's what the book's author suggested and what I'm doing -- I promise you it is an excellent alternative and it is CHEAP!
Every night (I should do it in the morning too, but I'm too sleepy) I scrub my face and neck (b/c I break out there too) with 2 tsp of baking soda mixed with 2 tsps Cetaphil face wash (the store brand, Equate, is only $3 a bottle, while the Cetaphil is $9). I mix these in my palm. I rinse well b/c baking soda sometimes collects behind my ears or in my hairline. Then I use a gentle astringent (no alcohol) and wait a few mintues. Then with a cotton ball I apply hydorgen peroxide, which is CHEAP and a very effective disinfectant and it also bleaches your blackheads, which makes them less obvious. Benzoyl peroxide is what most acne products use to disinfect, but it makes my skin peel, which causes more acne -- and it isn't nearly as cheap as the hydrogen peroxide. You pay what - at least $3, more like $5, for a small bottle of it when you can buy a huge (and I mean huge) bottle of 3% hydrogen peroxide for less than a dollar. It works and it is fantastically frugal. In the summer, when my skin is oilier, I'll also use a mask of Milk of Magnesia, which is a disinfectant and absorbs oil, instead of spending money on a face mask that overly dries and is more expensive.

My skin isn't irritated at all, it is very smooth, it isn't dried out from the products I use, and my acne is slightly lessened b/c I don't have the extra acne caused by the irritation and flaky skin. And I'm not spending money on scrubs, lotions, acne creams, or fancy face washes. The author also suggests using Rentin-A if you have a perscription and if your skin can handle it (mine couldn't--it was too strong of a perscription; I might try a lesser concentration of it) or something with a high percentage of alpha hydroxy acids, say at least 8%. When I find a good product I'll let you know.

I no longer use anything with the following:
alcohol, camphor, salicylic acid, methol, clove oil, witch hazel, eucalyptus oil, lanolin oil, really any unnecessary oils, benzoyl peroxide, sodium tallowate (causes blackheads), salt (yes there is salt in some of the skin products available), any preservatives, any peeling agents, any waxes or thickeners, formaldehyde, beeswax, and now my list is getting too long. I also try to stay away from detergents and fragrances b/c they can be irritating and they are unnecessary.

Well, now that I've preached to you, I hope you'll at least try it. Really, why not try something that is easier on your skin and costs less? The object for good skin care is to take care of it, not irritate it. And you can't remove more layers of skin (why would you want to?) by scrubbing harder or using more intensive scrubs or peels. The top dead layer of skin is all you should remove and the baking soda and Cetaphil mix does just that.